As an aspiring author, this blog is used as a tool, and an outlet of personal feelings, opinions, and inner thoughts. I hope that as I write, the better I write. I won't ask you to comment, but they are appreciated. I hope you enjoy what I have to say and you will give thought in ways you may not have before.
Man, today was full of ups and downs for me. I've talked about it a lot with a few people because they felt for me. Nothing to serious, but to me, I was upset. Let me start off by talkin' about this morning. I got up to get ready for church. I wanted to go to church, but the weather was just so bad that I almost reconsidered. See, I had to ask my dad for his Durango because neither my car not my mom's car had any traction in this 9" of snow on the ground. So, he let us, but the hard part was yet to come. It was so cold just walkin' outside to get in the truck. I had to clean the windshield (which I kinda skipped at this point). After really not bein' too bothered with that, I had to turn around to come pick up my moms. But, smart me, knew that turning around in the middle of the street wasn't goin' to work. So, I decided to drive around the block. So, with very minimal visibility, I drive to the corner, and guess what? Get stuck. Spinning out, with a car behind me, and no visibility ahead of me, I'm stressin'. Later, mama told me she was tryin' to call me and ask that I not just get out the truck and walk back home. See, I have a short temper, and true enough, I would have just left it there while I walk it off. But, stuck with it, and finally made it back around to pick her up.
Church was good. I mean, it was cold, but good. I enjoyed the sermon and the kids put on their Christmas play. It was too funny. The impersonated different members of the congregation and for some odd reason, my baby cousin Bryce was in every part of it (not saying he was supposed to be though). Either way, it was all very entertaining and I was glad I was there. Perhaps the best part to me (and you'd never guess this) was when my sister lead the choir in the song Now Behold the Lamb. I mean, I made fun of her afterward about how her back-up singers all ran out the crowd to help her, but it was a cool sight. Well, to me it was. Because I see beyond the obvious. But still, the song was great and I'm glad I was there to hear her sing it. I had only heard her sing it one other time, and if you know my sister, you wouldn't know how in the world they got her to have lead. I mean, she didn't do her adlibs, but that was cool. She had back-up, remember?
After church, where the story gets bad, is at the store when I'm buying gas for the snow-blower and some ice cream and the grocery store (for some reason, ice cream is better when it's cold outside, go figure). Anyway, I gotta call sayin' that mama car was stuck and I needed to get back home to help. So I stopped what I was doin' and went back to the truck. As I'm backin' out, I hear faint horns just before I feel this loud thud. I had hit this lady who decided to back out the same time as I. I didn't see her at all. I had saw a white care that began to come, but decided against it, so I believed I had the go-ahead. But, for some reason, I just totally missed this lady. Only now do I think about how mean this chick was and what I should have said as she was takin' down my insurance info (I was so spooked, I forgot to get hers) what I could have done, but like I said, I was so startled at the moment, I couldn't think. I wasn't hurt at all, I was just concerned about the damage I had done to daddy's truck. After I found out mama had gotten out, I surveyed the damage. I saw that I had cracked his bumper. I was so hurt. I hated bein' the one to mess up his ride. I would have preferred it been my car. I called him and explained what happened. Then, he asked me to bring him a pop home. When I got home, I couldn't even say anything. I was embarrassed and ashamed that I was one of those reasons why insurance rates are so high for kids my age. As I was getting the snowblower out of the basement, I told him that he could return any Christmas presents I had to pay for the damages done. I meant it. I didn't feel like I deserve to have nice gifts if I'm wrecking other people's property. To my surprise, all he said was "Accidents happen. And this weather, you can't control that." I was so lost. I mean, I almost would have felt better if he were mad, because then I would have had a reason to feel bad. But, he just went on like nothing was the matter. We blew the yard, and around the cars and had a long conversation afterward. Not even about the accident, but just talked. I guess I couldn't have asked for a better way to end a bad situation.
With that being said, as good as today was, it was just as bad. But, as I sit here now, listening to my sister's lead song, I feel much better. And very tired from the snow we handled. It's so so cold right now, I can't find the words to describe it. Upsettingly cold is the best way I've found. But, Christmas is almost here, I may go make some money tomorrow (God willing), and I just can't dwell on one thing. I have to keep it movin' until it's time for me to rest. Below are some pics of my baby, and the house just to show you how bad the weather is. Until next time, stay warm, stay inside, be safe, and don't be a failure.
So, I'm sittin' around, not doin' much, readin' the guide lookin' for something to watch. I come across The Batman, so I say to myself, "Sweet. The Batman. Awesome." Well, something like that. Anyway, I watch it and of course it's cold. I mean, it's Batman, so I knew I wouldn't be disappointed. I stay tuned, like I was instructed to do by the Cartoon Network administration for Justice League: Unlimited. I could tell this was goin' to be a good night. It was. Remembering that Christmas is right around the corner, I figure why not ask for Justice League: Unlimited boxset. I mean, I am a big fan of boxsets. If you've ever been in my room, you'd know. My point is, it was brought up that perhaps I'm not actin' my age because I like cartoons and play videogames. That was the point where you could hear the '45 needle pulled up and that screechin' sound. That threw me for a loop because I believed my maturity had been brought into question. So I thought to myself a bit, and decided, "Yea, my maturity is being questioned." Here I am, answering that question.
Apparently, as it was presented to me, being a 20 year old prohibits me from watchin' certain things and doing certain things in my spare time. Alright, I can see that. I mean, I would to hate to see myself at this age in my one-piece jumpsuit with the feet in them and a diaper on. Or maybe pulling out my power morpher and fighting crime under an unknown identity (or believing I could).Or even collecting Pokemon Cards and battling my friends to see who was the Pokemon master. So, considering that I have once upon a time done all those things, does simply watching cartoons sound that bad? I would say that it depends on the cartoons I was watching, but, I must admit, I can get caught up in some Fairly Oddparents and Spongebob on the right day. So let's not go there.
Being the complex thinker that I am, I had to delve deeper into how I could defend my immature-implied status. I thought about it from outside my own point-of-view. I understand that maybe at my age, I should be doing more adult-like things with my time. Maybe studying, or watching something more educational. You know, like C-Span, or PBS. But, that's really boring. Even to adults who watch it, it's boring (which kinda begs the question of why it's still on the air). I feel like this, I would hate to see the type of person I would be if it were not for the leisure of watching cartoons and playing videogames. It's hard enough to catch me in a good mood during a typical work week, so imagine if I didn't have the small things to keep me grounded.
Honestly, I wouldn't call anyone who watches cartoons immature. Especially not me. I mean, I understand that the Bible says (dang, everything is in that book, huh?), "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." That's true, but do many people really understand what that's saying? The key is that "I thought as a child." Meaning, I don't think that somewhere out there, all these things goin' on are really happening. I no longer believe that I can morph, I can't "catch 'em all" and I will never have fairy godparents (although, I'm still holdin' out on that one). But, I can maintain the innocence and belief of a child. That's why children are taught to belief in Santa, and the Easter Bunny and things of that nature because it's so innocent, and it teaches them to believe in something. You ever met anyone who didn't know what to believe in? Can't say that about a child. In turn, that belief gives them hope. Hope is hard to come by, and if you are lucky enough to have it, then it is hard to hold on too. Those of us who were given something to believe in have it easier to hold on to hope.
People are so quick to talk about how old they are, and what they won't do anymore. Or how mature they are and what they won't take part in anymore. And I almost feel bad for them because it's not that they are giving something up, but they are missing out. Me, I took what I watched on television from a young age and because of that, I have a very vivid imagination. That imagination, that brain-power to decipher what's real and what's not will take me so far in this life. Not everyone can look at something, and break it down on so many different levels like I've been told I can. And I have to thank, in part, my many hours in front of the tv. I would hate to not have an imagination. Being conservative, waking up the same way I did yesterday with the same things on my mind expecting the same things to happen. I like to think outside the box. Actually, I like to think about the possibility of the box being nonexistent. That way, all angles of possible outcome are covered. Areas that have never been gone over before will be discovered. And when I wake up in the morning, that fresh thought, that has never been thought of before, can take me to another place better than where I was yesterday.
I know that was long, but I hope you understand. I don't watch cartoons for childish reasons, although I maintain my child-like essence. My imagination is what fuses one with the other. Before you get so uptight and stressed out, think back to when you weren't stressed and had nothing to worry about, and tell me what was there then, that isn't now. Good luck. Don't be a failure, watch cartoons instead.
Everyone, I would again like to apologize for my long absence. I just got back to Detroit today, and after a long Finals week (which I barely survived), I was just really tired. My mind wasn't focused on what it should have been. But, I'm back now, and hopefully still with your attention. I want to start by displayin' the beautiful gifts I received for Christmas from my bay. With the distance between us, we have to exchange early. Before the semester ends. I loved them. Pretty much everything I asked for, and it wasn't even about the physical gifts themselves, it was more about her willingness to make me happy in the ways she does. I really appreciate all the things she does for me, above and beyond the monetary value of anything in the picture. Although, she has helped me out so much with these things. The Audacity of Hope written by our President-Elect Barack Obama, I asked for because the man is a true role model and a testament to the fact that, indeed, we can do anything we put our minds to. Also, readin' his book will help me form the structure of a book I want to write. 808s & Heartbreak by Kanye West. I haven't listened to it all the way just yet, but I can't to listen and love it, so I can review it, and shove his talent down the throats of his haters and megacritics. Also, I just appreciate good/great music. I have been blessed to understand the difference, and even though its harder to find that now-a-days, its a true pleasure when I do. The Dark Knight, one of the best movies I've ever watched. That goes beyond comic-movies, Batman movies, or anything. Simply, one of the best movies I've ever watched. I don't think I can stress that enough. Just wait 'til I get to watch it with all the extended features and extra footage. Hours of time to myself right there. Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe is the new installment of the Mortal Kombat franchise. Technically, Mortal Kombat 8 if you're countin'. Anyway, despite what review say, I'm havin' hella fun playin' already. I didn't want to put down the joystick. The story was gettin' good, and I was eager to see what was goin' to happen next. Plus, gettin' to beat up Superman with Batman in a realistic way is a great concept in and of itself. The card she gave me was beautiful. Her words really touched me, which made openin' it first, not only polite, but well worth it. It is just as important to me as anything else she gave me. I want to thank you again bay. Everything was beautiful. I hope you enjoy your Baby Phat outfit, with your new purse, while bumpin' your new Beyonce' cd (Had to throw in what I bought her lol!).
Now, the thought provokin' part of today's conversation. Home is where the hatred is:
Since the last time I was in Detroit (a couple of weeks ago), I had been thinkin' about how I felt about it. And honestly, I was down because things around me just don't seem like home anymore. My room may still be there, and my family, but a home is more than that. A home is more than a place to stay, its a place of my affections. I feel like I may have turned my back on my city, and in turn, it's grown cold. It's changed a bit, and that small bit seems so unfamiliar to me now. Family members have grown since I've last seen them. It was only a few months, but everyday, growth and maturity happens, and I hope in the course of that they learned something new. I hope that my absence will be used as a way to show them what decisions they should make in their lives, and how to somewhat avoid the bad ones. The major difference between this trip and the last is that my father is back from California this time. It's bittersweet to see him back because we've grown so far apart recently. There's no animosity between us, but it's just weird that your father is "that guy" in California. I would never make assumptions about his absence, but I'm not stupid. I like to think of myself as a pretty intelligent young man, I would hope to be treated like that. But, I won't speculate on anything specific. I told my moms that I didn't want to ask him for anything, because I didn't care if he came back. I didn't. So after sittin' down and talkin' with him for an hour or so, I realized that I wasn't as mad at him for leavin' as I was for just how awkward he seems to make things sometimes. Like, it's difficult to understand what kind of situation is goin' on in this house. I talk to mama, and I talk to daddy, yet I don't know if they are even a family. I've seen this a lot and I understand that they are adults, I am too. But, it's hard because I grew up a mama's boy, who was spoiled by both parents, and my only memories are of all of us close and happy. So now that I can see clearly, it's a difficult to adjust my feelings. I'm sure as I grow and get used to it, things will be better. After talkin' with you all, I feel better about the situation. I still don't feel at home, but I'll take stayin' at the house until God handles things in my favor.
Well everyone, it's cold outside, so wrap up. I'm in Detroit, so it you're here, then I'm here. I will be back with more to talk about soon. Reviews, thoughts, and answering any questions you may have with the The Gentleman Perspective. Until next time, be good, and don't be a failure.
Hello everyone. I decided to take a small break from studyin' to work on some writing. This is the week before Finals Week, which pretty much means its also finals week. I just want to wish all the students good luck, because if you're like me, then you'll need it. I'm not worried though. I mean, I'm goin' over the notes, and readin' over what the professors say, so I can't say anything about a lack of tryin'. Maybe some lack of interest, but not for lack of tryin'.
I want to start by talkin' about my disgust over the O.J. Simpson trial. Just to give some general background into, O.J. went to trial in 1994 for the murders of ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ronald Goldman. He was acquitted of those charges in 1995 after a long trial, thanks to the help of his high-profile defense team lead by Johnnie Cochran. To date, O.J. has paid little of the $33.5 million awarded for the wrongful deaths to the families of the victims, after being tried again in 1997, where he was found liable for damages. In February of 2008, upheld a renewal of the civil judgment against him. So, the guy definitely knows his way around a court room. Meaning, this is not his first brush with the law. It has been said that Los Angeles was divided racially after his acquittal, as blacks celebrated and whites were angered. Personally, I can't say anything about it. I mean, while it was highly publicized, at the time, I'm sure I was too busy watchin' Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. So, I go with that fact that if he was acquitted, then I see him as innocent. My point of all this is to say that today, after over a year of another trial, he was found guilty and sentenced to at least 9 years in prison. The trial was held against O.J. for robbery with a deadly weapon, burglary with a firearm, assault with a deadly weapon, first-degree kidnapping with use of a deadly weapon (which carries possible life sentence), coercion with use of a deadly weapon, conspiracy to commit robbery, conspiracy to commit kidnapping, and conspiracy to commit a crime. A mouthful right? I would have understood and been impartial if I hadn't watched news coverage almost find joy in the destruction another human being. I mean, at what point did I not get the memo that angry mobs were okay? Why not just lynch him? It seems to me like that's what everyone was hopin' for anyway. So, there were no African Americans on the jury, and the judge "just so happened" to make a speech about how the 1995 trial was not brought into the judgment of this trial, I personally think foul-play was involved. They hit O.J. with the 'Cism! It's obvious. I believe that certain people were so upset that he was able to beat the "justice" system the first few times, that they just had to get him. I'm a conspiracy theorist, sure, but I also see where O.J. was in the wrong. But I have to wonder if it were anyone else, would things have gotten in such an uproar. This man's name has been dragged through the mud, he's been embarrassed, and now he could finally spend the rest of his natural life in jail. Congratulations,you all finally got him. One black man, who happened to win the Heisman trophy, make the Pro bowl 6 times in his career, Pro Bowl MVP, NFL MVP, NFL offensive player of the year, just to name a few accolades, is now in jail to basically die. He's 61 years old, he has to serve at least 9 years of a 33 year sentence. Who actually believes he's gettin' out in 9? I don't. Not with that California system. I guess the straw that broke the camel's back was when he laughed at you all by releasin' his book IF I Did It. I'd kinda be mad too if this man laughed in my face after all these years. But, despite that, it was sickening to see that the family of Ronald Goldman was at the trial, and found pleasure in the fact that O.J. was lead out in cuffs, possibly never to be seen free again. My only hope is that an appeal is made, and the new trial will be more fair and balanced.
On a sadder note(if that was even possible), a friend of mine found out that he lost his mother last night. David Chapman, who I met last year when I lived in Rather, was a cool dude, and we always played the dozens, and made "mama jokes" and things like that. But, I'm saddened that he has to go through this. I mean, to lose your mothers seems like the worse of all pains you could experience. I just want to let him and the family know even if he doesn't read this, that my heart goes out to them all. And never will another joke come from my mouth pertaining to any of this. I hope he can stay strong for the family because I'm sure they need each other now more than ever. Even though we have our differences, I'd like for him to know that I'm here for him in anyway I can be. We'll go back to the normal stuff soon enough.
I want to say again, good luck to everyone on their finals. Let's show this university that we're not intimidated and won't just go away despite the odds against us. And I'm not just talkin' about blacks, I'm talkin' about us all. Because with the economy the way it is, it will get harder to maintain student status. It will get harder find jobs and pay bills when we leave here. So, let's all try our hardest. Don't be a failure, it's really not an option.
I understand why they say we get "heated" in reference to our anger. Yesterday, I could have walked around outside at one point with no shirt on I was so angry. It is my own fault, but that only adds fuel to the flame because this whole mess could have been avoided with one little signature that was not on a check. So before I get into that, let me give you the backstory.
Its no secret at all that I have Michigan State University. While I can perhaps take pride in the fact that we had a good football season this year, the basketball team is lookin' good, or that so many of my "friends" go here, I cannot say that I like the administration of this institution. And this is not anything new, if you know me, you've heard me state openly my hate for this school since I arrived here. At the Academic Orientation Program (AOP), there was one of the loudest thunderstorms that I've ever heard. Maybe that was my sign. During that time, knowing how big the campus is now, they made us walk from the center of campus to our respective dorms. That was awful. To think of the distance, and how over excited we all were, and how annoyingly cheerful the tour guides were; I hated the environment. Anyway, it is no secret that I hate this school. I've tried to find reasons to want to stay here. I thought my friends would help me, my family would help the situation, girlfriends, or maybe it would get easier as time went along. No. In each area, there was not enough of a reason to change my perception.
I know, its sounds like I'm whining, and I may be. I'm still hurt by what I had to go through. And its no different than what others may go through, but how it affected me is what has me nearly shaken. It was such a long process before my tuition was paid for fall semester of my sophomore/junior year. Meaning, it just got paid yesterday. Why is that? Well, because after enduring the long process, all the paper work, the deadlines, and requirements for the first loan disbursement, I forgot to properly endorse the check. I was so happy when I finally paid it the first time, because I no longer had to worry about that. I could focus on my studies. But, weeks later, after the refund check money was spent, and my guard was down, I receive a letter saying that my check had been returned. I got this letter twice. I even had to sign for it as a package at one point. According to the loan company, I had 3 chances to properly endorse the check, but when it was sent back, Michigan State did not have it. They did not even know where it was. All they had was a copy of the check. So, every time I went to them, they held this voided copy of the check up at me with a stupid look on their faces. You would think if that's where you work, and what you do for a living, you would have a better understanding of how things work, or at least be able to help me with the process. Instead, I was threatened that if I didn't do something, my enrollment would be canceled. They threatened me, several times, without giving me any decent procedure to go through to get them their payment. Luckily for me, I guess, I was able to call the loan company and their bank, to help with everything. All they needed was that copy of the check that the "nice, hardworking" administration had. After I sent that to them, it took a while for their departments to send out a duplicate check. I mean, it was a hassle on both ends, but at least the loan company didn't just tell me what I already knew. They got the ball rolling with check traces, and made sure I understood what into the procedure. So, I knew why it would take so long. You think Michigan State understood any of that. No. I basically should be grateful for all the extensions I was given, yet ignore the demeaning way I was treated. I was made to feel like my money was not good enough whether they had it or not. I was made to feel like I was lucky to even be considered a Michigan State University. I don't think Michigan State is a good enough university to call someone with the potential to change the world like myself a Spartan.
Even though it was my mistake for not doing what I needed to do, I've more than paid for it. I have $1 in my pocket, and this school will be lucky if I even buy another pack of Skittles on campus. I've been disenrolled, I've been talked to like I was stupid, and I've been looked at like I didn't belong here. The process of getting all your classes back after you get disenrolled is not easy. Its strenuous, and you have to pretty much go beg either your professors, or the department heads for each class to let you back in. All these people probably pitied me. But, thats fine. I am back in for good now, and I can focus on finals. My point in all this is, there are too many reasons for me to get put out, and not enough reasons to keep me around. College is supposed to be my stepping stone, but who's using who? You take my thousands of dollars per semester, yet you put me out if my grades aren't high enough because the professors "challenge" me? I have to pay for classes I don't need because of university requirements? The only requirements I should fulfill is the thousands of dollars I pay for the name of the university. I've gotten tickets for parking in areas that no one had permits for, but because there was tailgating, I didn't have the right. I was ticketed because I took a spot from a tailgater. Someone who's only there every other weekend who hasn't paid thousands of dollars for an education get more favor than I do. Whenever I succeed, however that may be, I will not be one of those grateful alumni that give back. I'm not Steve Smith, or Magic Johnson. I guess if had been an athlete, or rich, or someone to add something more to this school I would have been treated different. My money is no good here, even though its a large amount of it, its no good. I was an average high school student who got here probably due to affirmative action and bring nothing to benefit them. That's fine. Everyone who is rich, or who is an athlete I have nothing against you. I just hope that you appreciate the favor shown to you.
If it was up to me, I'd leave today and never come back. I would work on my book and give focus to that which really matters. But in growing up, I've learned that there are times when nothing goes right and somehow, someway, we are to seek out the hope. I think its called having faith. That may be it, or I may just be too stupid to understand that I shouldn't stay where I'm not wanted. I don't know. Until next time, don't be a failure . . . despite what anyone or anything tries to tell you.
