Profile Me

So there's an ongoing debate amongst the community (I'm sure any community with internet access) about the role of social networks. Basically, two arguments are leading the charge: The right to privacy and freedom of speech and those who believe that your profile is more important than who you are. Let's break this down; some of us use these social networking sites as a way to connect with their friends, family, etc. believing that what's shared in there's and there's only. No one has the right to censor their activity nor their conversations because of their 1st amendment rights. I agree with this. Anything I say is my business. Anything on my page is my business and shouldn't be used against me in any way because no one outside of my network understands the context of what's being said or what's being done.

That's pretty simple to understand, right? Let's look at the other side of the argument:

If you say something or post something, because your name and face is associated with what's being said and done, that represents a part of you. Employers may look at your profile, see your likes and dislikes, or see pictures you've been in, and notice that the majority of your life revolves around activities that may not represent their companies in the proper fashion. You tell your parents that you're in college, using their money for its intended use, however, your status said you just woke up late for class due to a hangover from the wild party from the night before. You can understand why your parents may be upset at your actions and have a hard time trusting that you're doing what's right. I must also agree with this. If the shoe fits, you have to wear it. There is evidence out here that supports the idea that you may not be who you say you are. See, people believe what they can see. Change is conceptual, pictures are for real. If I can see a picture of you doing something, but you tell me how much you've changed, then I'll admit, it is harder for me to believe what you're saying when there's hard evidence right in front of my face. That's just logical. You can walk outside and know the sky is blue because as you look, you see, the sky is blue. It was blue yesterday, it'll probably be blue tomorrow. Now, if someone ran in and said the sky was orange, for whatever reason, you still would need proof. Facts usually outweigh opinion.

So, we've seen both sides of the argument, now let's talk about what it really is.

If you're too impressionable to handle what you're seeing in a mature way, then maybe you don't need to spend your days surveying the website looking for things to complain about. It would be one thing if you were looking to hire someone for some job, but you aren't, then what you need to do is understand that this profile only represents me; it is who I want others to see me as. Meaning, if you've never sat down and had a conversation with me, gotten to know me on a more personal level, or taken the time to see me outside of the image portrayed on these sites, then you have no right to judge me. Actually, if you're a Christian, you have no right to judge me at all. To make things a little more general, think about the fact that if something is said, I'm sure its said for a reason. Whether its a rap lyric, a thought, an emotion, or just a moment, something is said for a reason. And how its said is probably a good indication of what's going on. That is NOT, I repeat, NOT your cue to enter the situation throwing your opinions around. Especially when they have nothing to do with my situation. I'll give you an example:

Status: Such-n-Such tired of these fake ass nigga actin like they the shit grow up and be a man for once and stop actin like a bitch

Reply: Aw [Such-n-Such] angry about something, whats with all the bad words, remember alot of ur Aunts is on this web site. Be a little respectful! Its OK i do understand.

Now what did that reply have to do with the issue at hand? If anything, shouldn't the person replying see in what ways the poster needed help, instead of talking about how she felt about seeing the post? Who's the priority here? The person with the issue, or the person offended by the language? I bet she never took the time to think, like, "You know what, niggas are fake these days" and "They probably should grow up and be men." Makes sense to me. But, the point of it all is to say this; some people just take things too serious. That's just it. On both ends. Those who feel the need to say what they want may very well say things so off the wall that, in actuality, their making a cry for help. They may think they're making a point, but perhaps they aren't going about it in the right way. Also, the people who judge others on what's on the site also take things too serious. If your pure, innocent, virgin eyes can't handle the harsh, disabling information that you see on the site, then maybe you don't need to be a part of it all.

In the end, I don't take any of it seriously. If someone says something that throws up flags for me, then I'll either ask what's wrong, or depending on the context, keep my distance; not everything is my business. Also, I won't say anything too serious or dramatic on my site because I'm not the type of person who desires that type of attention. I say things in fun, in song, or to get it off my chest so that the burden ceases to weigh down on me. But, if I choose to say something out-of-the-way, I have every right to (well, if you still believe in democracy and privacy).

I think I've said all that needs to be said here. I know this issue won't go away because there are so many people on both sides of this issue. What side will you take? Until we meet again, please Please, PLEASE ... don't be a failure!

Relationships are Difficult

Relationships ARE difficult. For some that may be a great understatement, and for others, simply the truth. But for everyone, I do believe the concept of trying to spend your life with another person is not a very easy task. Everyone you talk to, involved or single, has relationships issues; whether the single person can't find anyone or the person involved isn't with the person they're with at that very moment. But I think the simplicity of this statement is the hardest to grasp; YOUR relationship is YOUR relationship. You aren't in a relationship with "men", "women", or "everyone", you're in a relationship with the person you chose to take that journey with. With that said, you can't treat your relationship like an owner's manual. There's not "Congratulations, welcome to YOUR relationship" that begins any book that will give you answers based on chapters and prior experiences. What we all have to realize is that if we want something positive to come out of our experiences with others, we have to put something positive into that relationship. To simplify even further, think about it as a piggy bank; you put your loose change into your piggy bank only to save up and use that money later. But if you never drop any loose change in, you can never get any change out. (Initially, I thought that would be a horrible example, but it turned out to be a great one.)


I think titles really put a strain on any natural chemistry two people may have with one another. Though, I do understand their purpose. I know people who've been hurt by thinking they had something special with someone only to be heartbroken and betrayed by someone claiming that they weren't "official." It's incidences like that, that makes it hard for people who legitimately desire to make another person happy. If I present the idea of not giving a title to a lady, they'll assume I'm just trying to play them. While I'm not with them, I'm probably with some other girl telling her the exact same thing. And in the end, I can't be held accountable for my actions because it was a mutual agreement not to give each other titles. That's just not the case! I, personally, think title do more harm than good because they give a person a "status." A status is a condition, position, a state of being, and most most unfortunately, a default. Think about someone pledging for a fraternity or a sorority; once they go through all they have to go through to become a member of that organization, they never have to do those same things to remain a member of that organization. Once they've pledged and passed, they are now who they are and receive all the acclaim of the organization. Relationships aren't like that. You can't give your all trying to get with someone then stop once you've crossed that line from friend to more-than-friend. If someone gives me the title of "boyfriend" I can't stop courting (that means dating in old-people language) her, treating her sweet, saying and doing nice things. I can't rest on my reputation when dealing with a woman. My job is a never ending one. The same goes for whomever engages in a relationship with a man.


Ladies, what I need you to understand is that it is NOT okay to treat your man like you're doing him a favor by being with him! As I look at my generation and the one coming after of us, I don't find a lot of hope in the ladies I'm supposed to seek out for companionship. With so much bitterness, hardness, and stereotyping, its harder than ever to make a relationship work. With so many external forces such as haters, long-distance, life experience, etc. out there attempting to pull you apart, why can't we find some safe haven internally? I mean, what else are you in the relationship for other than to be there for one another? Seems to me that anything else is a waste of time. Ladies, I'm just asking you to just step back for a second, think about what he's saying, and see if it genuinely makes sense. Look at yourselves and see if there's anyway to make that man's job any easier. Sometimes, and I do mean sometimes, we are right. We do legitimately love and care for you, but sometimes the biggest struggle comes from the very person we're trying to help.


Fellas, because of what a few of us have done in the past, it is very difficult to find a woman willing to take the chance. See, the fellas I'm talking to, I know can use this information because I try not to associate with the "other" type of fellas that are completely opposite. On this day, we're considered soft because women have gotten so hard, and the situation is all bad. They won't let their guard down and our feeling are crushed from the pressure. It could very soon become a never-ending cycle; women turn us down, we stop trying; we revert back to the ways of the "niggas" before us, then women get their feelings hurt; only to harden their hearts once again. What we need to do is show them the best in us. We can't make them look, but we can make it hard not to notice. When they see that their attitudes don't turn us away, when their words are met with understanding, when their yells and screams are met with a calm and response, they will see that what the expect and what they've experienced won't be replayed here. I'll show you that I'm special, because talk is cheap; everyone can afford it.


Finally, you have to make your relationship YOUR relationship. You can't assume that because you have the title that you've done all you need to do to win the fight. Basically, no book is going to tell you how your relationship will be; your friends can't tell you and your parents can't help you. You have to gain an understanding of who this person is you're with, take into account all that they have to offer, and counter with figuring out if you can provide what it is their asking for. Don't be too proud and say "I'm not changing for nobody!" If someone is willing to give up some of their self for your happiness, then you need to show your appreciation with willingness to do the same. If done right, you won't notice anything being given up at all, because their happiness will become a part of your own personality. It's a beautiful thing when through the coarse of your daily routine, without thinking, you've made someone else happy. Making them happy become a part of your job description, where you're payment is greater than any paycheck, stock option, or advancement opportunity. By the same token, with what I said earlier, don't let that title make you feel entitled to these luxuries. You can't demand someone to love you without giving them a reason to. You can't make someone care about your feelings when there's no reason to. Relationships are reciprocal. At least that's how they start. They grow and they evolve and soon it becomes hard to hard to remember what life was before that person became a part of you. But don't let the title go to your head, don't expect the worst merely because you've seen it before, no one can tell you how your relationship should be other than you and the person you share it with, and above all else, love is an action word.


I'm not relationship expert, I'm no counselor, and the view and opinion expressed here today may not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the shared community. I may not even be someone who knows exactly what he wants, but I can for certain say what I don't want. I would just hope that anything I've said can help, shed some light, or at least make some sense. I believe that it may all help a little bit in your relationship endeavors and your plans to make things better. I know I need help every now and then, so maybe I'm not alone in that. Until next time, I wish you luck with you and yours.

All the Time in the World

Did you realize when you woke up this morning you had an advantage that a magnitude of people did not have? Now, I don't like thinking about life through the scope of the absence of it, but just understand that you are in a position that many wish that have the opportunity of being in. I sulk, and complain about college all day, but there is someone out there just wishing they could pick up a book. I often take for granted the situations life has afforded for me, because I don't think about things outside of myself. This right here, all that I do, it isn't only for me. Yes, it's my life, it's your life, but it is given meaning through the people you mean something to. That may be your children, your family, your significant other, etc. With that being said, you have to understand that the pressure you feel is only an indication that you are on the right path. Think of it as a push; a call to action; a pull toward what is meant for against the gravity that keeps you grounded. Why do you think the sky is the limit? It is with these points that I gladly announce to you all that you have all the time in the world to do what you need to do to prepare yourself for the better things in store for you. Life is a journey, the destination will be there no matter how long it takes, but it is the journey that make the best stories. I wouldn't want to hear about someone buying a new car, I'd love to hear about what that person needed to do to afford that new car. I don't even mean through death, or the afterlife. The destination is success in every sense of the word through what you place value in. My final point here is to please do those less fortunate a favor, and don't disrespect by not making the best of your situation. You have every opportunity they wish they had and every resource available to maintain it, so don't disrespect their dreams by taking you circumstances for granted. There is no reason why we shouldn't live up to our full potential. We have the pressure indicating whether or not the path we're on is the right one, we have the supporting cast that we close our eyes and visualize when we find that strength to keep moving through the storm, and we have the spirit of those less-fortunate than us that we should use to not only meet all expectations, but also give back to show them that their dreams can also become a reality. I live my life under the assumption that all necessary changes can be made as of yesterday; that's when I knew I needed to change, I planned it out today, and it will happen tomorrow. So don't worry about how long it may take for things to go your way, because if done right, you'll be blessed with all the time in the world.

"A Man Finds His Wife"

Howdy all! I know I just dropped some thoughts on you last night, but something came across my way and I just felt compelled to say something about it. Now, what I don't want to come off as, is over-opinionated. Never would I attempt to develop an arrogance which gives my opinion power it doesn't deserve. These are only thoughts I was having and felt comfortable enough with you to air out. Here goes . . .


So I'm just waking up, browsing the internet, trying to determine what I want to do right now. I could either go back to sleep, get some homework finished, or sit back and procrastinate until the pressure kicks in. I do tend to be more effective once the pressure is on. Anywho, while browsing, I end up at a website that one of my friends have a profile on. This young lady was asked a question. Her answer to the question is what sparked initiative on my behalf to say something. The question (in bold) and answer (in italics) are taken word for word as such:


Is there anybody that has your attention to be with? do you with them?
To be honest, my eyes are open. A man finds his wife. So I'm waiting to be found.

Alright, with that said, I argue back with, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" That was her answer to if anyone has her attention?! See, see, this is why I shake my head at night. I'm probably up thinking about why stupid answers like this exist. Responses like this only furthers the stereotype that the women of my generation need more help than I can ever hope to provide. Like, when I read that answer, I just picture here standing by a ledge, looking at her watch every now and then, hoping someone shows up to claim her. As she's standing there, her hair gradually grays, her clothes become tattered by the wind, and eventually dust has settled upon her. I mean, I feel bad that she actually believes that. Personally, I think it's sexist, but I'll get to that more a little later.


Now, don't get me wrong; I'm sure I know where this answer comes from. Proverbs 18:22 of the King James version of the bible states, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD." (Also notice it says "whoso" and not "a man", shout out to the ladies who have also found themselves a good woman) Anyway, as I read that, I feel good. To me, it says that once I have that special person in my life, the Lord will smile upon our union and has completed his creation of the perfect being, and we are both closer to Him for our commitment. Besides, anyone who finds a good women will still, regardless, need the Lord on their side! Because, if you've never been with a woman, man oh man! Moving on. Never once, in the small, but powerful scripture, did I hear that "wife" waited for her husband to show up and "find" her. I even kept reading, to see if perhaps there was more to this, and it was, but nothing about a wait by any party. Also, my thing is (hi mama!) doesn't God reward action? I believe I've heard that somewhere before. No matter how much I sit here a pray, there is a part that I play in the reception of anything that God has for me. I pray, each time, that God guides me in the right direction . . . how can that happen if I'm constantly standing still? It can't. God needs me to move, and He'll gladly do the rest (as I believe it. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong).


Besides preaching, there is another thing I find wrong with her statement. I personally believe it's sexist. Blatantly sexist. We are in the year 2010, and for her to still hold on to those medieval stereotypes is beyond me. Now, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if society wasn't also teaching girls to be independent, self-sufficient, and the benefits of not having or needing a man. So, which is? Are you independent enough to go find your own man? Or are you independent enough to take care of yourself, but not enough to go out and get yourself a mate? Something seems wrong here to me. I didn't mean to cut the girl down as such, but I feel like something had to be said because sadly, I bet she felt proud of herself for saying that. Others probably looked on in amazement at how wise her words were when, in actuality, they weren't! Let's get somethings together people, for the children's sake. If we're confused about what we believe, so shall they suffer.


Didn't know "next time" would come so soon, it's great talking to you again. Hope to talk with you again soon, until then, don't worry; it'll be all over in the morning.

I'll See You in Hell . . .

Okay, not YOU directly, but these are the sentiments I hold for the "university" I attend. Many of you know the trials I've been through and the complete disdain I have for the establishment. I guess some things die hard. Because as of yet have I had an experience that makes it all worthwhile. Sure, you may say graduation and the Spartan seal on my diploma will open certain doors for me in the future . . . ha! This seal will definitely mean more to on-lookers than it ever will to me. This school has tried everything it's capable of to show me that I'm not wanted here. Either my grades haven't been high enough, my money hasn't been high enough, or on days where the office is bored they just choose to make things increasingly uncomfortable for me. I know the game, learned it pretty well, but can't do anything to adjust to it. I've paid them thousands of dollars that I don't even have, and they will probably have me in a pinch for the rest of my life. Forget that! My main goal is to pay back what I owe so I can never have any ties to this school ever again. The only reason I buy pop from the vending machine is because I'm too lazy to walk off-campus at 2am. I mean, honestly, there has been no great improvement for me from high school to college. I even got picked on in elementary and middle school and enjoyed my times more. These have to be some of the most incompetent people to ever run anything (well, in light of the recent economic crisis, I can't say that whole-heartedly). I've honestly had conversations with people who blatantly forgot what they had told me moments ago. I had to prove to a lady today that SHE told me my room assignments and such were all set. I just forwarded her the e-mail she sent me back to her. I would have paid to see the stupid look on her stupid face. My fight with administration at this school has been nothing but miraculous that it hasn't gotten violent. Either they were going to do something to me, or I was going to do something to them. They don't like me, and I don't like them. I hope they know that, because it is well known on my end. People have the nerve to criticize me for not having school spirit . . . ha(again)! This school doens't have school spirit, at least not in the sense I'm referring to. Why should I support any organization that has put me through this much turmoil? This is the precise reason I wouldn't join a fraternity. I feel like I've gotten "jumped-in" to be a part of this school and now I want nothing more than to be apart from this school. I used to be conflicted on how I should look at the "school spirit" question; if I should be proud for being a part of the institution, or if I should feel proud of being a part of the citizenship which makes up this school. I've come to the conclusion that neither is great, nor has either been great to me. These people aren't anything special. The fake individuals from high school became the fake individuals of college. The same parties I didn't want to go to because of the people in high school are the same parties I don't want to go to because of the people in college. The gangfights back then are fraternity beefs now. The girls who didn't notice me then, only notice me now if I want them too. Sure, I've met a handful of good people here that I can call a friend, but a handful out of 44,000 people is nothing to feel good about. The professors aren't here for me, the students aren't willing to help me, my neighbors annoy me, the food sickens me, the administration is obviously against me, and the money I pay to go here is not worth the services I'm receiving here. If for any reason I don't make it into Heaven, it will be because of what has gone in my years at this school. I said the other day when our football team beat the University of Michigan that I was attempted to buy a MSU hoodie . . . I may still buy it, but if you see me with it on then you'll see me in hell on the coldest of days.

Calm Down, Jeron

I get told to calm down a lot. People tend to catch on that something serious is on my mind, and if they have the luxury of knowing me personally, then they understand that not everything registers as it should once anger kicks in. See, I haven't been full blown mad in a while, but frustration, disappointment, helplessness, annoyances, and impatience among many others are all small triggers of anger. I like to think that people utter, "Calm down" at me because the understand that I am better than that, that my emotions shouldn't cloud my thinking as they do. I appreciate that, because that means that people care. They don't want to see me do anything stupid, or get myself into any type of trouble. If I can recall correctly, anything goes when I become angry. And many of you may not know this, but as of late I've been researching different ways of managing my anger. It's never been a major problem as it is now, and the only reason I say that is because now I'm tired of feeling these ways. I know nothing good can come from it and when it happens my mind isn't working the right way. But I feel like anyone who has even been angry, or any emotional individual will understand that "calm down" isn't exactly what we want to hear during times of mania. I say all that, to say this: there are times when I just cannot snap out of a mood that I am in. There are things on my mind that have gotten to me, and I feel the need to release those things so that I may return to the calm, tranquil individual I was earlier. I ask that you please not take anything here personally, as its only the result of mismanaged strong feelings.


Today was the hottest day of the year so far. It had to be, because nowhere could I find any comfort. The fans blew nothing but hot air and it was so muggy that after my shower I couldn't even apply any lotion. I barely wanted to put anything on at all, but I found out that we had plans of going to the fireworks. I didn't want to go, but my family was going to be there and I knew I needed to get out of the house. Going was no problem, it was all the things I knew I would encounter when I got there that bothered me. Understand, that since I was a child I've never liked being around large groups of people. I'd stay under my mother until it was time to go. I've avoided these situations all my life so that I wouldn't freak out and curl into the fetal position on the floor in a corner somewhere. So I pretty much just brought things that would take my mind off of it today. No big deal. Before I could even get there, I hear the seriousness in my nephews voice that something is wrong. I listen as he tells me that my niece has a haircut. Not a brutal haircut, but not one any of us would have liked her to have.
(Not to put anyone's business out there, but my niece has come to into our family as a result of the death of her mother. My sister is her godmother and has vowed to take care of her every since. She has her last remaining family that she stays with whenever she's not around us. As a result, we have a bit of a problem with the way certain things are done when we are absent.) Anyway, I agreed not to say a word about the haircut, but I had my thoughts. I was angry. Just as angry as my nephew who wanted to track down this "nigga" who cut her hair and have a LONG conversation with him. I guess they were all smart enough to know that giving us the right information would have been wrong for all of them involved. My nieces and nephews may upset me, and rattle me more than any other group of people on the planet. But I'd never want to see anything bad happen to them. Any mistreatment, or bastardization of anyone of them would cause me to become angry thereby losing all sense of responsibility of my actions and the actions of those I choose to commune with.


Besides that, my nerves began to turn cold as the children in our camp began to play a little too much. It was hot, and like I said, I couldn't find a decent place to get comfortable, so the conditions worked to my disadvantage. It's not that they were any worse than usual, it's just that I was ill-equipped to deal with them at the moment. Thank God it was about time for the fireworks to start, because I don't know how much more I could have handled. When they started, I turn on my music in my headphones and watch downtown Detroit light up with beauty as the display continued. For a moment, I felt it was all worth it. I understood why people all over the state ventured to the city, so early in the day to secure their spot for the feature. Everything was beautiful . . . until it was time to leave. Like baseball games, basketball games, church service, and picking children up from school, it was hell to get out. We were at Chene park and it felt like the hundreds of people and their cars were trying to squeeze through one small opening that lead out into the rest of the city. If nothing else, that killed the last nerve I had to ever do anything with people again. I'm not so much as steaming mad as I was earlier, but my mind is still wrapped around the events that just took place.


There are a few things I saw today that really caused me to shake my head. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing at certain points. I disappointed that my family and I were among such chaos and riff-raff. Now people may read this and get a sense that my family may be arrogant, conceited, or feel we're too good for such things and you are only partially right. We aren't arrogant nor conceited (not all of us), but we should have a frame of mind to feel too good to amongst such debauchery. There are small children and household pets playing and having a good time, yet males and females alike decided to stunt, putting all of us in harms way. You don't drive down a gravel road where there's family trying to enjoy their day just to look good for some "niggas" or "hoodrats" that ain't doing anything but wasting space. Dudes with rims worth more than the car, sitting out in the hot sun smoking them funny cigarettes, being completely disrespectful to those around them. The females were no better. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy when an attractive woman walks by and provides a bit of eyecandy for everyone, but please understand that's all it is. Eyecandy. There is no way in the world I'd ever take any of them home with me. They'd be lucky to make it in my car. See, I'm not like most dudes. I'm not out here trying to have sex with every girl I see; like I said, I'm better than that. Besides, just because you have on your short-shorts, with your super-cleavage all out, and the weirdest of hairstyles don't mean you're cute. Sexy, maybe, but all it says to me is that you didn't think enough of yourself to put on something decent and still hold my attention. So I may look, I may speak, and then I'll tell you to enjoy the rest of your day, because there's really no chance.


I don't want my family to get me wrong, I had a great time today. I enjoyed the time we spent together. You know we're all hella silly. The laughs definitely help us all. There are just time when the laughs stop, when things get "real" and observations are made. These are mine. It has really helped to get it all off my chest. A good day, turned bad, ended well. I'll take it that way over going to bed angry. In actuality, the anger effects me the most. Regardless of who it's toward, it hurts me the most. I also want to thank everyone for the support I've gotten with what I have to say here. I was thinking of discontinuing it, but I remembered that if anything I can say can somehow help someone else, then it's worth saying. My brother told me that not many people my age have anything positive to say, and that makes me proud to know that indeed, I don't fall into any category that anyone places me in, and that my message has touched someone. Until next time everyone, don't be a failure, just calm down.

Why Not Pray? (Question of the Day)

This is a question I ask myself, along with "Why pray at all?" I'm not at all against prayer, it's just that I have a lot of questions for which many don't have answers. I pray from time to time, but I always garner a sense of guilt afterwards. Whether I've prayed for some things I need, some things I can't handle, or for some people who I feel need it more. Either way, I'm always asking for something. I feel like I can only speak with the Lord when I'm in need of something, then I don't deserve that privilege. I know what you're thinking, I'm taking this too far. And you're probably right, but it's just the type of person that I am. If I don't talk with you on a regular basis, then I wouldn't come out of nowhere asking you for favors either. I hate when people who wouldn't take time out of there day to even wave at me, come to me when they need something. That's two-faced. And in my quest to be a better person, I try to put off on behaviors that contradict that.

Now, I'm not saying the Lord isn't a part of my life. I credit Him for everything, and I'm thankful for all that I've been given. But, there are times where I wonder if I should get down on my knees and ask for more, or take what I'm going through as just a part of life, and go on about my business. In my way of thinking, I see that whether I pray or not, my trials will come, and my trials will go. I will have good times, and I will have bad times. Things will ultimately happen in my life that I have no control of either way. I guess, that means I believe in destiny or something. No matter how much I wish that "destiny" was only in my control, I can't help but think about if that were true. Think about living a life where your happiness and progress depended solely on what you do . . . the pressure of that is almost overwhelming. With so much natural negativity available, it would be too easy to ruin your life from a few bad thoughts, and a driving force behind them. So, logically, I wouldn't honestly want to hold my own life in my hands alone. But, on the flip-side, I don't like the fact that trouble comes without me asking for it. You wake up in the morning, after a good night, and now everything is different. Your life isn't the way you left it, and now you welcome this turmoil you did not see coming. That too, is not something I'm particularly excited about.

So I'm sure you're wondering where I'm going with this; what exactly am I trying to say here? And the answer then, is that I honestly don't know. I don't know why to pray or why I shouldn't pray. A lot of people feel more comfortable praying, and others just aren't bothered with it. What makes this more difficult is the people who's opinion you ask about it. And in my quest to get those answers, I have encountered one of a number of different personas. There are those who live their lives without bounds, do whatever they want to do, say whatever they want to say without conviction, but who will completely contradict it all and tell you how wrong you are for not praying. They will talk about how good God is all day, in a seemingly arrogant manner. Almost saying that God looked our for them, "nah-nany-nah-nah!" That really angers me, because you see these people and wouldn't believe some of the things they say and the things they do, yet here they are telling me that I should pray . . . like them. They talk down to me because they "get it" and I don't. That tone that they're taking time to do me a favor and teach me a lesson on what's right and what's wrong. In the end, I'd rather take my chances on my own than to ever be told by seemingly bad people how off I am. Then, there are those who really don't have time for you if you're not all about God. He's all they talk about (don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that). But, they act like they've never gone through anything, and have never made mistakes. Claiming that God kept them away from all that. He only talks to them, and if we don't listen to what they have to say, if we don't follow their lead, then we're hellbound. I wonder how bible scholars can be so judgmental? I mean, doesn't it say right in the bible that only God can judge us? My bible may be somewhat rusty, but I do believe it says that in some form or fashion. But, being the scholars that they are, they can put a spin on their actions, and it's words, to make themselves look all the better. These people, too, look down on me for asking the question, wondering how they became friends with such a demon as myself. I call these people "Super Christians". They are too good to be put in the same category as regular Christians, they're getting to heaven twice as fast as the rest of us (so they think) and they don't have to say "In Jesus' name" to end their prayers, because they can talk directly to God (at least in their minds they can). So, with the Contradicter and the Super Christians, it somewhat seems like I got the same answer, just at different polarities.

Who do you go to? Who's like me, and understands that things have changed since the bible was written, yet still has the faith to believe that God had a plan for me all along? Who else believe that Jesus died for his sins, and feels that religion is sometimes used as another way of discrimination and bigotry? I don't have that answer, but I will keep my beliefs. Giving up on my beliefs would take away from the little security I do have, but would ease my mind of certain worries that continue to linger. Either way, I feel the answer will reveal itself to me when the time is right, as every other time I've needed an answer. So, don't be a failure, why not pray?

Me Against the World

So, I've painted myself into a corner it would seem. I don't mind, I've been here before. I've been down before, and always seem to come out better than I go in. But, no matter how often things like this happen, I never get used to it. I actually think if I do become accustomed to it, the pressure will only elevate; putting me in a situation I may not be able to handle. Despite that, the people around me don't seem to be going with me like they should. I mean, I never had a clique, or a group of friends or family that go 100% for me like I would for them, so that doesn't bother me. But the simple act of getting along with these individuals has become an issue; so that's where my voice must be heard. Whether they hear it, or no one does, at least I can say it was said. I mean, true friends care about the well-being of others right? So if anyone wanted to know what's going on with Jeron, then they should go look to who Jeron talks to; his readers. See, I don't think you understand how appreciative I am to say "my readers". That touches my heart so much, because whether you agree with me or disagree with me, you care what I have to say. There's an unspoken respect that goes along with letting someone know that you enjoyed what they had to say. So, I thank you for that. That's a bright spot for my ordinarily dark dwelling.

So, before you think I'm in some dark place in life, where we dress in all black, I wear jewelry in places that makes no sense, and cut myself because I think blood is cool, I'm not. What I'm saying is that there are not a lot of reasons to smile for me. And that's not anything new, it's just something that I've learned to deal with over time. Still learning, as a matter of fact. So when patterns begin to form, I can pretty much tell where they're going. Like now, I feel that eventually, I will end up with people who for some reason or another, will no longer consider me a "friend". That's okay. I mean, I never had that many, and the only true ones I can count on one hand. I say that so much, that it may be taken as a cliche', but it's so true. I prefer to be by myself anyway. Not necessarily sitting in my room alone all the time, but that companionship that people have with one another, I don't mind not having. See, I'm a middle child. I mean, I'm the baby, but shortly after I was born, my nephew was born. So I bridge the gap between those two generations. My cousins all grew up elsewhere. I was on one side of town, and they all were on another. With that being said, I've never been in the position where I had that "bestfriend" or constant companionship where I never felt alone. That never occurred for me, so it's not like I can miss something I've never had. Understand?

As I look around, I wonder where the humility went? You can't give people compliments, reach out to them, talk with them, without them giving you some attitude like it's a favor for you to talk with them. Do they not realize who I am?! I've been being humble, swallowing my pride a lot because I do not want to be the person who's bigger than he really is. I don't allow my ego to get so far out of control that I can no longer control myself. But, I feel that my silence on that front has been mistaken for something else. Perhaps a feel of Jeron has "accepted" his "status", or he's gone soft, so what he says and who he is no longer matters. He's going to be whoever we want him to be, even when we don't want him to be (think about that). That's not the case. I am Jeron M. Burbridge, born and raised by southern parents in Detroit, MI with 8 (one deceased) other siblings. I am all that God allows me to be and everyday I plan on honoring Him by being myself no matter what. In my belief, and my faith, I understand that there are better things for me, even if I may be the best. I can only go higher because of who I was and where I could have been is evidence. In philosophy, there is an argument which says that because the Sun rose yesterday, does not mean it'll rise tomorrow. And that's true. But, my faith wills me to believe that not only will I wake up tomorrow, something will happen that causes me to grow as a better person. So I think that the central problem is that if you are not willing to accept Jeron as who he is, then you are the one that is expendable, not him. You may take your leave.

In my mind, I feel like no one is there for me. Not speaking about family, they're there regardless. But I feel that my trust cannot spread amongst those who only consider themselves friends, while not actually showing that. My associates may talk behind my back, say whatever they need to say. Those close to me may not understand me at all, and that's fine with me. I don't like giving so much of myself to someone where I no longer know who I am. I've done that before, and it's an ugly situation when know one can identify the empty shell of a person who no longer has any character. That, my friends, is what failure looks like. Don't be a failure. If worse comes to worse, it is no problem at all for me to walk away from each and every person that knows my name, and live on peacefully.

Tired of the Mundane

As I look outside this evening, I'd say the best part is watching the rain fall, the lightning in the distance, and laughing internally at those who come in unprepared. Soaked and wet, they search for their IDs trying to avoid it any further, but it's too late. Attitudes, I'm sure they have, but to me, it's entertaining. Guess some people don't plan ahead. Sometimes, believe it or not, the weather man is right. My only concern is my car and hoping that the leakage isn't too bad. I'll prepare myself for the worse anyway. See, I have an off-track moon roof, and the last time it rained this bad, I felt it as I was driving. Guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, since I have other things on my mind at the moment.
In watching this distant storm, sitting at this desk half sleep, as the people greet me, I feel a sense of disappointment kick in. Disappointment for where I am and how I let things get to this point. Never in my life to I wish to be someone else other than the person I dream of becoming. So on this date, I come to the realization that I am just not that person yet. See, I don't choose to be a sourpuss. I don't enjoy rejecting invitations, and staying in every night, but this is what I feel I must do. For safety concerns, monetary responsibility, and pure awkwardness around people with whom I have nothing in common. An accidental outcast. In my quest to find my own identity, I seem to have forgotten that other people must identify you as well. Never the one to be a people pleaser, or give value to society's thoughts, I shunned anything not having to do with family and close friends. Now, I have no close friends. My family is about 90 miles away and any friendships are strained by my inactivity. I think about where this comes from. As a child, I never enjoyed the social scene. Being the first ones to leave any engagement became the norm, as anxiety would kick in, and I'd lose all cool. As I grow older, some things die hard. Instead of crawling into the fetal position in a chair in the corner, I simply stay put, leave early, refuse to eat, and blend in like the paint. It's never been anything that bothered me until tonight. Somehow this must all be tied to what I'm thinking about, because it's so fresh and so present right now.

When asked if I'm attending this party or that party; if I'm going to this club or that club; if I'm attending this event or that event; if the answer isn't simply "no" then it must be "I didn't hear about it." Some of the top social events on campus have gone unnoticed by me because of my stubborn attitude and this hole I've seemed to bury myself in. The thunder roars in the background; I must be on to something. As I sit here with the bright blue shirt on, the cutest of females converse with me on my night and my plans. With a smile and some eye contact to show a bit of strength, I turn the conversation on them, in hopes of showing them just how interesting they are (or not, doesn't matter). I realize I have nothing to offer the conversation, as I'm confined to this desk. The swipe of their IDs, goodnight wishes, and they're off to talk to anyone else more interesting, and our moment is forgotten. Not a moment of flirtation, but an encounter of two different worlds. The extrovert brightens up the gloomy day of the introvert. The popular takes the time to talk to the unpopular. I feel if I were not trapped behind this desk, if our social niceties were exchanged in a different setting, perhaps I would leave a lasting impression. Popularity is not what I seek, it's recognition. For no matter how much of an individual we are, no matter what standards we hold for ourselves, no matter if we care or not what others think about us and how they view us; what seems to reign true at all costs is that it is lonely when no one knows you're there. I'm not one to crave any spotlight accept that which I create for myself. But what point is a spotlight, if there's no one there to see you?

As the rain pours, I wish I could run out and soak it all in like a sponge. A metaphor for what God chooses to rinse away from me, and what He chooses to provide for me. What a beautiful idea that it's that simple. That for 20 years of being who I am, I could walk out and suddenly be cleansed of that which holds me back, and finally given that which propels me forward. Where I wouldn't be subject to a public service, but a public benefit. Where my name is synonymous with everything I'd hope it would be. When I look in the mirror, the pride I feel for becoming all that which I've been called to be. Looking at those around me, and only giving them that part of myself they need to hold their appreciation. As I began, I believed that I wanted to be popular, to be known, to stand out from the crowd with a presence about myself that others miss when it's gone. But now, I look at what I've said here, on this night, and appreciate the knowledge to understand the cards I've been dealt. My day will come when those who's favor I seek shall be reversed, and they seek my favor. The day I will be most proud of is upon us, and as the rain pours I am encouraged to retrieve what is rightfully and justly mine. Too bad I'm stuck behind this desk.



Deep right? Let me explain, I got to work today late, because I was about to oversleep. Often times, when I'm sleepy or tired, I seem to dive into this feeling of anger and sadness. Pretty much, I just feel like a big baby. So, I felt like tonight I should use that to my advantage. Indeed, it is raining, and I was asked about certain events that I hadn't planned on attending. And as the person turned to walk away, I felt bad, because I never really have anything interesting to say. I hate being that gloomy person who always bring down everyone else. So that got me thinking. As I started, I wanted to go in a different direction, but as I continued, one thing lead to another and here we are. I hope that the deeper meaning of what I said here is taken, and not the way in which it was written. If you know me, you know that I don't seek "acceptance" or thrive for popularity. Simply stated, I want to be comfortable enough with who I am to do whatever it is I want to do. And as I express that to others, they see that, and appreciate me all the more for it. Sitting behind this desk is not where I want to be. I want to be financially fortunate and have the ability to expand my horizons in hopes of seeing things I've never seen before and doing things I've never done before. While occasionally, enjoying the simple things a person my age should enjoy at this stage in life. And sometimes, that's just not possible. And that, my friends, is what I want to change. So, are we all cool now? Cool. Don't be a failure, the rain is good for you. Goodnight.

Whatever New Trend it is . . . (Minor Thoughts #5)

Can you consider something a trend if it just keeps happening over and over again? Isn't that called an epidemic? I believe it is. I felt like I should say something because not all adults understand what we (preteens, teens, and young adults) have to deal with on a regular basis. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Try to refrain from my cynical views of people and give them a chance. But I absolutely cannot justify the actions of people who can't seem to understand that being pregnant is not what's hot in the streets! There are a lot of various trends out there. Multiple ways to express your "individuality" by following the group other than having a baby because everyone else seems to have one. Reading this, how many people can you think of that is either pregnant, or has been pregnant before the age of 20? I can think of many, and I'm not judging them for their decisions, I just question their motives.

Before I get told off and cursed out, I want to say that if you are, indeed, 20 or under, and you have made a conscious decision to bring new life into this world by whatever means, then I support you 100%. As long as you can be the best parent to that child and can keep your mind focused on your future, by all means, more power to you. I am talking to those, "Ooops! I'm pregnant!" individuals. The ones who have friends or cousins or people at their school pregnant, yet, not learn anything from the mistakes made. How stupid is that?! How stupid is it to think that it can't happen to you if you choose to use no protection, no contraception, and no morning after pill?! There are too many ways to NOT get pregnant out there for you to claim that you have fallen victim. If you haven't noticed, I just killed the whole "the condom broke" argument, so don't go there with me. Believe me, I am not here trying to convince anyone to be abstinent. Because humans have humans needs. But, why is it that because of your 30 minutes (if you were lucky) of "pleasure" has turned into a lifetime sacrifice? People have heard me say that pregnancy is the worst STD you can get. And I don't say that to say that babies ruin people's lives, but I say that because you could have ruined your life, as well as the babies. Unplanned pregnancy can cause regret, neglect, denial, stress, depression, and many, many other ailments for the rest of that child's life. I couldn't imagine bringing a child into this world with no reasonable means of taking care of it with the full reach of my resources. I never went without, so neither shall my child. I'm getting a good education, and so shall my child. How can you provide your child with what you had when after you had it, your life stopped? You can't give what you never had, but you can point them in the right direction.

So this brings me to my point: This is not new. We have all grown up around babies, seen someone take care of a baby, or even heard about how difficult it is, yet, you still "end-up" pregnant? We are so quick to say that our parents should trust us, and we're smart enough to make the right decisions, yet, when given the chance, we mess up. And I'm starting to think it's not even a mistake anymore. I believe that some people are getting pregnant just because they know someone else is. Pregnant women get attention, they get support (albeit temporary), and they have an everlasting link with that father that got them pregnant. A child is not a tattoo, a child is not that new cell phone, a child is not the new dance, a child is not the newest saying, a child is not the new way we wear our hair, a child is a lifetime commitment to a mistake you made because you thought it would be cool. I'm not here to preach. I'm just wondering if you sincerely wanted to bring life into this world, if it was an honest accident, or if because babies are the newest accessory to our "swag".

You all think about that, and you talk to the younger members of the family that are discovering what we've known for years now. You know how it was, you have an idea of what they're thinking, so please try to help them out a bit. I think I need to take more responsibility with my nieces and nephews and younger cousins, and family friends to let them know the difference between having sex and making love and everything that comes with it. Until next time, for the children's sake, don't be a failure!!!

Dependence

One of the worst feelings that I've ever experienced, and that continues to this day is owing someone something. Needing someone's help because for some reason I just can't do it alone hurts all the way down to my soul. When I need that help, it shows me my imperfections, it shows me where I messed up in life, and here are the consequences. I get short of breath thinking about what I owe people for the help they've given me. I just can't find comfort knowing that my safety net comes at someone else's expense. I hate asking people to come to my aid. Not only does it show them I'm obviously not doing something right, it's also admitting to myself that I'm not where I want to be. I hate it. God knows I hate it. Let me explore the different levels of moods I'm experiencing when thinking about myself as a burden.

College teaches you a lot about who you are as a person. Imagine one of those lessons being exactly how helpless you are. It's pathetic really. I walk around campus everyday talking and listening to people who have nothing to worry about. Their working, their parents have paid their tuitions, and they can go out, have fun and pay for whatever and whoever they want. It's beautiful, but it's depressing. It's depressing in that no matter how much I ask God to make me a person deserving of such high favor, everyday that goes by without that divine intervention (at least financially) shows me that I'm not ready. The kicker, is that not only am I only working on an undergraduate degree, I'm working, but the loans that I've accumulated will have me in debt til death it would seem. So, the outlook upon that point and time where my life turns from dependent to truely independent in nonexistent. So, even though I've accept this fact, I hurt when I have to go to people with my hand out, just to make from one week to the next. I feel so out of place. Since when did education become an rich-man's sport? I have no clue really. I just want to make it to the day where I don't have to ask anyone for anything except their prayers.

So, on top of having to borrow, and ask people for help, imagine finally breaking down to ask, then having them not come through for you. Change of plans, something unexpected has come up, whatever the case maybe. But I've had to battle myself to even utter the words that I need some assistance, then, my hopes are dashed after I was under the impression that everything would be alright. But you know, that's why I have no faith in people. I'm not supposed to, and so I don't. I haven't for a long time now. I've been let down quite often enough to know to always have a back-up plan. But, for the sake of this rant, I mean those times where the back-up plan fails. It's heartbreaking really. I can't explain to you how it feels to lower yourself to ask for someone's help, then they let you down anyway. My point is, I hate depending on other people.

I don't want to come off as an ungrateful person. I thank God all the time for the people, my family, who step in whenever I need them. Not hesitant, but happy to be there and happy I called on them. It's beautiful. I just don't like that they sacrifice on my behalf. It shouldn't be like this. I should have done scholarships, I should have paid attention in high school, and I should have been a child prodigy somehow or another. I can't go back and change that, but I can work my hardest to never ask for a dime again. These loans will be a distant memory. I'm working so hard right now on anything I can to make so that the only person my children have to come to is me. I will have them learn from my mistakes and teach them the value of self-reliance. I can't have them or watch them suffered the ways I've suffered. I would feel like I failure as a parent if that was the case (not saying my parents are failures at all. Because they are not). This is just how I feel. I feel very strongly about this, and I thank you for baring with me. Thank you for all the support, because God knows I appreciate it. I just wish that's all I needed from you. Until next time, don't be a failure. I know I won't.

"Kwame A River"

I'm on my way back to sleep, it's late on a Monday night / early Tuesday morning and I really have no business up. But, of course, I'm up surfin' around, lookin' at some news, and I found some. It may not be the latest, but it's a story I heard that I thought would just be a joke. Apparently, they were serious. According to Fox 2 news Detroit website:

"Kwame A River" is an original play satirizing Kwame Kilpatrick's tenure as Mayor of Detroit. It is a hilarious spoof that answers the questions you've always wanted to know about Kilpatrick's time as mayor, from security guards to stripper parties.

"Kwame a River" features dozens of local characters that will be familiar to Detroiters, from Kwame scandal icons like Christine Beatty, Carlita Kilpatrick and Mike Cox to Detroit cultural icons like Carmen Harlen, Chuck Gadica, Huel Perkins, Bill Bonds, Mel Farr, and attorney Sam Bernstein.

"Kwame a River" comically exposes the secret meeting where Kwame seduced Gov. Jennifer Granholm to stay in office, the advice Kwame was given by Dennis Archer and the ghost of Coleman A. Young, the anger management session that Kwame took his security force to, and the rumored party at the Manoogian mansion.

Me personally, I'm not laughing. I'm sitting here, wondering how long before mean in all black SUV's pull up outside the Second City-Detroit stage and have a few "conversations" with the actors. I understand tryin' to light of a bad situation, but this is just a poor attempt to make more fun of a man and the city he once represented. Do they really think that because they're fro Detroit that makes it better? That's like a white guy telling a racist joke and because one black person laugh, it's alright for them all to laugh. I've been in Detroit all my life, and only now do I want to do something about the way things are goin'. But, politics are not for me. Makin' contributions to worthy causes, that's me. Standin' up for what I believe is best for the city, that's me. Returnin' after college to be an example of the good within Detroit, that's me. Those little things in themselves may not seem like much, but let enough people realize the inevitability of this situation, and we may be able to do something before it's too late.


Kwame Kilpatrick became Detroit's youngest mayor when elected in 2001. Kilpatrick beat out Gil Hill and Freman Hendrix to secure two successful terms and Detroit mayor. In that time, most of what the mayor did for the city was trampled by malicious scandals and bad press. Not to sugarcoat anything, Kilpatrick was embroiled in the Manoogian Mansion party controversy, the murder of Tamara Greene, Whistleblower trial (where police officers claimed to be fired due to an internal investigation of the mayor), and the infamous Text-messaging scandal with chief of staff Christine Beatty. It's not my place to give my personal opinion about any of these issues, due to the fact that I don't know all the facts. When I have the time I will look closer into each of these and take a stance on them. For now, I will say that the longer these things continue to be a factor, Detroit will be on the receiving in of high criticism and lost hope. You can call him the "Hip-Hop mayor", like hip-hop implies unsuccessful, if you want to, but I call him an example. A good and bad example of how you should feel about where you come from. See, I have a personal stake in this somehow because the former mayor always reminded me of my brother-in-law. Not in how he looked or anything, but how he carried himself. A younger man, with a business savvy who knew how to handle his business. That's how I look at my bro. He's a deacon, and makes bein' a deacon seem cool. Just as Kwame made bein' mayor seem like the right thing to do. So with that, Kwame gave me ambition to not just talk about makin' a difference, but bein' about it (excluding any illegal business that may or may not have taken place.)


Anyway, I'm done for now. On a related note, Christine Beatty began her 120 day sentence for lying under oath on yesterday. The former mayor is expected to have completed his jail sentencing sometime in February. Awaiting him is 5 more years of probation, after time, only then will be able to ever run for any office again. But honestly, there are two reasons I'd never run for anything else if I were him. Once reason is because I know I would be disappointed because of the lack of respect, and the other is because my colleagues would not trust me nor any of my decisions. That's okay. People like this always seem to bounce back from adversity somehow or another. I heard some black people tell me once, "You can't keep a good nigga down!" Maybe that's the high point of all this, and if so, at least there is a high point. Until next time, everyone, please, do not be a failure!

"Actin' 20"

So, I'm sittin' around, not doin' much, readin' the guide lookin' for something to watch. I come across The Batman, so I say to myself, "Sweet. The Batman. Awesome." Well, something like that. Anyway, I watch it and of course it's cold. I mean, it's Batman, so I knew I wouldn't be disappointed. I stay tuned, like I was instructed to do by the Cartoon Network administration for Justice League: Unlimited. I could tell this was goin' to be a good night. It was. Remembering that Christmas is right around the corner, I figure why not ask for Justice League: Unlimited boxset. I mean, I am a big fan of boxsets. If you've ever been in my room, you'd know. My point is, it was brought up that perhaps I'm not actin' my age because I like cartoons and play videogames. That was the point where you could hear the '45 needle pulled up and that screechin' sound. That threw me for a loop because I believed my maturity had been brought into question. So I thought to myself a bit, and decided, "Yea, my maturity is being questioned." Here I am, answering that question.

Apparently, as it was presented to me, being a 20 year old prohibits me from watchin' certain things and doing certain things in my spare time. Alright, I can see that. I mean, I would to hate to see myself at this age in my one-piece jumpsuit with the feet in them and a diaper on. Or maybe pulling out my power morpher and fighting crime under an unknown identity (or believing I could).Or even collecting Pokemon Cards and battling my friends to see who was the Pokemon master. So, considering that I have once upon a time done all those things, does simply watching cartoons sound that bad? I would say that it depends on the cartoons I was watching, but, I must admit, I can get caught up in some Fairly Oddparents and Spongebob on the right day. So let's not go there.

Being the complex thinker that I am, I had to delve deeper into how I could defend my immature-implied status. I thought about it from outside my own point-of-view. I understand that maybe at my age, I should be doing more adult-like things with my time. Maybe studying, or watching something more educational. You know, like C-Span, or PBS. But, that's really boring. Even to adults who watch it, it's boring (which kinda begs the question of why it's still on the air). I feel like this, I would hate to see the type of person I would be if it were not for the leisure of watching cartoons and playing videogames. It's hard enough to catch me in a good mood during a typical work week, so imagine if I didn't have the small things to keep me grounded.


Honestly, I wouldn't call anyone who watches cartoons immature. Especially not me. I mean, I understand that the Bible says (dang, everything is in that book, huh?), "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." That's true, but do many people really understand what that's saying? The key is that "I thought as a child." Meaning, I don't think that somewhere out there, all these things goin' on are really happening. I no longer believe that I can morph, I can't "catch 'em all" and I will never have fairy godparents (although, I'm still holdin' out on that one). But, I can maintain the innocence and belief of a child. That's why children are taught to belief in Santa, and the Easter Bunny and things of that nature because it's so innocent, and it teaches them to believe in something. You ever met anyone who didn't know what to believe in? Can't say that about a child. In turn, that belief gives them hope. Hope is hard to come by, and if you are lucky enough to have it, then it is hard to hold on too. Those of us who were given something to believe in have it easier to hold on to hope.


People are so quick to talk about how old they are, and what they won't do anymore. Or how mature they are and what they won't take part in anymore. And I almost feel bad for them because it's not that they are giving something up, but they are missing out. Me, I took what I watched on television from a young age and because of that, I have a very vivid imagination. That imagination, that brain-power to decipher what's real and what's not will take me so far in this life. Not everyone can look at something, and break it down on so many different levels like I've been told I can. And I have to thank, in part, my many hours in front of the tv. I would hate to not have an imagination. Being conservative, waking up the same way I did yesterday with the same things on my mind expecting the same things to happen. I like to think outside the box. Actually, I like to think about the possibility of the box being nonexistent. That way, all angles of possible outcome are covered. Areas that have never been gone over before will be discovered. And when I wake up in the morning, that fresh thought, that has never been thought of before, can take me to another place better than where I was yesterday.


I know that was long, but I hope you understand. I don't watch cartoons for childish reasons, although I maintain my child-like essence. My imagination is what fuses one with the other. Before you get so uptight and stressed out, think back to when you weren't stressed and had nothing to worry about, and tell me what was there then, that isn't now. Good luck. Don't be a failure, watch cartoons instead.

College ain't for Everyone

I understand why they say we get "heated" in reference to our anger. Yesterday, I could have walked around outside at one point with no shirt on I was so angry. It is my own fault, but that only adds fuel to the flame because this whole mess could have been avoided with one little signature that was not on a check. So before I get into that, let me give you the backstory.

Its no secret at all that I have Michigan State University. While I can perhaps take pride in the fact that we had a good football season this year, the basketball team is lookin' good, or that so many of my "friends" go here, I cannot say that I like the administration of this institution. And this is not anything new, if you know me, you've heard me state openly my hate for this school since I arrived here. At the Academic Orientation Program (AOP), there was one of the loudest thunderstorms that I've ever heard. Maybe that was my sign. During that time, knowing how big the campus is now, they made us walk from the center of campus to our respective dorms. That was awful. To think of the distance, and how over excited we all were, and how annoyingly cheerful the tour guides were; I hated the environment. Anyway, it is no secret that I hate this school. I've tried to find reasons to want to stay here. I thought my friends would help me, my family would help the situation, girlfriends, or maybe it would get easier as time went along. No. In each area, there was not enough of a reason to change my perception.

I know, its sounds like I'm whining, and I may be. I'm still hurt by what I had to go through. And its no different than what others may go through, but how it affected me is what has me nearly shaken. It was such a long process before my tuition was paid for fall semester of my sophomore/junior year. Meaning, it just got paid yesterday. Why is that? Well, because after enduring the long process, all the paper work, the deadlines, and requirements for the first loan disbursement, I forgot to properly endorse the check. I was so happy when I finally paid it the first time, because I no longer had to worry about that. I could focus on my studies. But, weeks later, after the refund check money was spent, and my guard was down, I receive a letter saying that my check had been returned. I got this letter twice. I even had to sign for it as a package at one point. According to the loan company, I had 3 chances to properly endorse the check, but when it was sent back, Michigan State did not have it. They did not even know where it was. All they had was a copy of the check. So, every time I went to them, they held this voided copy of the check up at me with a stupid look on their faces. You would think if that's where you work, and what you do for a living, you would have a better understanding of how things work, or at least be able to help me with the process. Instead, I was threatened that if I didn't do something, my enrollment would be canceled. They threatened me, several times, without giving me any decent procedure to go through to get them their payment. Luckily for me, I guess, I was able to call the loan company and their bank, to help with everything. All they needed was that copy of the check that the "nice, hardworking" administration had. After I sent that to them, it took a while for their departments to send out a duplicate check. I mean, it was a hassle on both ends, but at least the loan company didn't just tell me what I already knew. They got the ball rolling with check traces, and made sure I understood what into the procedure. So, I knew why it would take so long. You think Michigan State understood any of that. No. I basically should be grateful for all the extensions I was given, yet ignore the demeaning way I was treated. I was made to feel like my money was not good enough whether they had it or not. I was made to feel like I was lucky to even be considered a Michigan State University. I don't think Michigan State is a good enough university to call someone with the potential to change the world like myself a Spartan.

Even though it was my mistake for not doing what I needed to do, I've more than paid for it. I have $1 in my pocket, and this school will be lucky if I even buy another pack of Skittles on campus. I've been disenrolled, I've been talked to like I was stupid, and I've been looked at like I didn't belong here. The process of getting all your classes back after you get disenrolled is not easy. Its strenuous, and you have to pretty much go beg either your professors, or the department heads for each class to let you back in. All these people probably pitied me. But, thats fine. I am back in for good now, and I can focus on finals. My point in all this is, there are too many reasons for me to get put out, and not enough reasons to keep me around. College is supposed to be my stepping stone, but who's using who? You take my thousands of dollars per semester, yet you put me out if my grades aren't high enough because the professors "challenge" me? I have to pay for classes I don't need because of university requirements? The only requirements I should fulfill is the thousands of dollars I pay for the name of the university. I've gotten tickets for parking in areas that no one had permits for, but because there was tailgating, I didn't have the right. I was ticketed because I took a spot from a tailgater. Someone who's only there every other weekend who hasn't paid thousands of dollars for an education get more favor than I do. Whenever I succeed, however that may be, I will not be one of those grateful alumni that give back. I'm not Steve Smith, or Magic Johnson. I guess if had been an athlete, or rich, or someone to add something more to this school I would have been treated different. My money is no good here, even though its a large amount of it, its no good. I was an average high school student who got here probably due to affirmative action and bring nothing to benefit them. That's fine. Everyone who is rich, or who is an athlete I have nothing against you. I just hope that you appreciate the favor shown to you.

If it was up to me, I'd leave today and never come back. I would work on my book and give focus to that which really matters. But in growing up, I've learned that there are times when nothing goes right and somehow, someway, we are to seek out the hope. I think its called having faith. That may be it, or I may just be too stupid to understand that I shouldn't stay where I'm not wanted. I don't know.
Until next time, don't be a failure . . . despite what anyone or anything tries to tell you.

"What a Moment" #1

Okay, I didn't watch the AMA's because award shows are let downs for me. Either the people that should perform don't, or they do and the performance is lame. Also, you have one person take home everything, whether it they are deserving or not. So rarely is true artistry rewarded. And let's not forget all the embarrassing moments that BET provides us with when it comes to award shows. 30 men on stage, lookin' like they don't have the basic instincts to know how to iron, wear a belt, or buy clothes that fit. Anyway, I saw this moment on SOHH.com when I heard that Kanye dedicated his best album award to Lil Wayne.

I thought that was a real gentleman thing to do because The Carter 3 was a great album despite how tired I am of hearin' it. A stand-up-guy that Kanye is. But more importantly is what he said is his acceptance speech. We should be about breakin' stereotypes and we should "want to be Elvis" (my opinion on Elvis shall not go into play right now for view of the bigger picture). Graduation is still one of my favorite albums. Creatively, musically, lyrically, Kanye was at the top of his game, and proved to 50 Cent that your name doesn't sell alone. Mr. West's hard work paid off not just for him, but I also benefited with a cd full of great music.

With that said, the moment comes when two of my favorite acts come together. In my mind, this was great because I am a fan (there goes that word again) of both of these acts. Imagine how I feel when I'm watchin' a clip and see Rock stars Nickelback hand-off an award to hip-hop superstar Kanye West. It does not, in almost no way, get any better than that. Whether you understand it or not, this Gentleman just enjoyed one of the best things he's seen in a while with the climate of a crappy society.


Swagga Like . . . Everybody else
Okay, this is just gettin' out of control. It's so funny how bein' different and standin' out seems to make everyone look alike. Remember when "Swagga Like Us" came out, and the beat was cold, Kanye verse took you by surprise, Jay-Z's was lame (yea, I said it), Wayne brought is A-game, and T.I. killed it? I do, and that's where it should have stopped. Now, we have Old Spice Swagger, which slightly goes in the complete opposite direction of what it implies. So, when you look around the web, you see people with "SWAG" of some sort imposed on their pictures, or in their statuses. My point is, if you have to say it, then you don't have it. Whether it be "attitude", "demeanor", "style", or now "Swag", if you didn't have it before it was popular, then you do not, DO NOT have it now. I was a gentleman yesterday, I'm one today, and tomorrow, I'll be a gentleman whether its "cool" or not.

That's all for now people. Be blessed, be different, and don't be a failure!

Survivor Series '08

Okay, so I'm a huge wrestlin' fan. Well, let's call it sports-entertainment. I feel like that is the perfect title for it, all things considered. So, I understand that many of you may not have watched, or paid attention in some time, and for that, I understand you not readin'.

For all those who are still fans, or at least have a general knowledge of what's goin' on, tonight WWE presented Survivor Series. They had 3 traditional Survivor Series elimination matches and two main events: The WWE title and the World Heavyweight Championship. Please be warned that this blog contains massive amounts of spoilers! But, since the PPV is over at this point anyway, get over it.

Let me start off by sayin' that RAW should really be considered the B show at this point. Smackdown, The People's Show, is the best. WWE knew what they were doin' after the brand draft by bringin' the best to Smackdown. I mean, Undertaker, Triple H, Jeff Hardy, and Edge, just to name a few?! RAW takes the L. Although, Jericho and Orton do give me a little something to look forward to. Tonight, at the pay-per-view, Cena would return from injury to face off against the Savior, Chris Jericho. Internet smarks have got to be some of the stupidest people I ever almost talked to. Yes, I once joined a forum, but canceled my account because they were just too ignorant to understand anything. Anyway, Super Cena returned and beat Jericho for the world heavyweight championship in a dramatic turn of events havin' to do with Cena's career-threatening neck injury. Blah, blah, blah, I've seen it all at this point. It didn't surprise me that he won. It surprised me that even though people hate Jericho (as they are supposed to storyline wise), they hate Cena even more (as they really aren't supposed to). Me, I don't mind Cena . . . as a person. His character has gotten beyond stale and his ring work needs serious polishing. You would think that too much of a good thing would be bad, well, it is. We were tired of Cena way back at Wrestlemania when he beat Triple H to retain in '06. So now, I'm ready to digest the same 'ol, same 'ol.

The best part of the night goes to Smackdown. The storyline behind behind the triple threat match was beautiful. To mix it up a bit, the story was released that Jeff Hardy was found unconscious in his Boston hotel, leadin' internet smarks to make a fool of themselves . . . yet again. It was a work, and a beautiful one at that. The match went one with Triple H (champion) and Vladamir Kozlov. The match was boring, until HHH hit the pedigree, and GM Vicki Guerrero announced that the triple threat would continue because "he" was there. Edge music hit and I was hooked. Jeff Hardy then came out and attacked everyone with a chair before bein' speared by Edge and HHH pinned. Edge is the new WWE champ. I love it, because I didn't see it comin'. I'm down because Hardy didn't win it yet, but I'm intrigued on where this storyline is goin'.

A good pay per view overall. I enjoyed it, and can't wait to watch Smackdown. I'll even watch RAW to see what the backlash is over Cena winnin'. Until tomorrow night, goodnight. Remember, don't be a failure.

Blacks vs. Gays

Okay, I'm no propaganda the title really was a way to draw you in to see what I had to say. Don't worry, I didn't do it harm or confuse you, I just did it so maybe you would get an idea as to what is really going on. The reason I said black vs. gays, was because as a race, it has been documented and noticed that despite being a heavily oppressed people, we still don't hesitate to judge or oppress others when we get the chance. I think we should be better than that.


Let's call that my preface, here's the backstory: I'm not gay, but I'm not a bad person either. If something is wrong, then I feel like I should say something about it. It doesn't directly effect me, but still, I can have an opinion about it. And now that I think, it does in some way effect me. Because if enough ignorant people can vote to define what marriage is, then who knows what else they could vote for. I didn't know that Proposition 8 effect only California residents, and in their state, same-sex couples cannot marry. That brings the total number of states where this is explicitly barred to 29. Over half of the states in this country are filled with ignorant, I won't say ignorant . . . filled with "mislead" individuals who are not open-minded enough to accept what they do not understand. It is only a matter of time before interracial marriages are barred, and then when its too late to do anything, people will want to do something.


With that said, I feel for these people. You may have friends, or relatives who can say they have a love in their life, but what they have is not real love. There may be something mentally wrong with them, or they're weird, or its just wrong. I'm sure everybody can vouche for the fact that if loving the wrong person is wrong, then we would not want to be right. Again, I say that I am not gay, but what makes they're relationships any more fake than any of mine. I've lied about my feelings for some females I've been with (I am apologetic about that in every way), and I know some straight couples that definitely should not be together. I know some straight couples that shouldn't even have fish let alone raise a child. I will admit, that at the sight of a same-sex couple, there is a double standard. I mean, dudes love lesbians, I'm one of them, yet everyone (most admitted people) cringes at the thought of two dudes. And yes, it is a difficult situation, but yet it IS a situation and its not going away anytime soon. I'm at disbelief at these so-called liberal minded, free thinkers who can sit in front of me and say that homosexuality is a "sin", "wrong", or a "threat to the American family." If anything, I'd say that it should be a lesson to the American family. Remind people what its like to get married for true love, and not just because. I mean, if two men, or two women are willing to lay their reputations on the line, in the face of all adversity for someone they love, then that should be respected.


Of course, the religious aspect of this conversation comes up. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and "Steve". And that joke was funny the first, maybe, 20 times, but now its serious. Christians (usually the people this convo comes up with the most) are the first people to tell you why you are going to hell. I'm not gay, but I'm sure if you ask the right Christians, I'm on my way to hell for something. So, like I said, what makes what I do any different than what same-sex couples do. Because they have sex? Who doesn't have sex? People who are virgins on they're wedding night (me of course lol!), you can count on one hand almost. Or is it just because you are uncomfortable seeing it? Are you confused and because you can't be strong and explain it to the children, they're wrong and not you? I don't understand it. I don't get what two men see in each other. But, I'm ignorant, but I'm not a bad enough person to try and stop two people from doing what they want to do. Being who they want to be, and loving how they want to love. Love is stronger than all of us and somehow, someway, these same-sex couples will go on with or without our votes.




something to think about . . .