"A Man Finds His Wife"

Howdy all! I know I just dropped some thoughts on you last night, but something came across my way and I just felt compelled to say something about it. Now, what I don't want to come off as, is over-opinionated. Never would I attempt to develop an arrogance which gives my opinion power it doesn't deserve. These are only thoughts I was having and felt comfortable enough with you to air out. Here goes . . .


So I'm just waking up, browsing the internet, trying to determine what I want to do right now. I could either go back to sleep, get some homework finished, or sit back and procrastinate until the pressure kicks in. I do tend to be more effective once the pressure is on. Anywho, while browsing, I end up at a website that one of my friends have a profile on. This young lady was asked a question. Her answer to the question is what sparked initiative on my behalf to say something. The question (in bold) and answer (in italics) are taken word for word as such:


Is there anybody that has your attention to be with? do you with them?
To be honest, my eyes are open. A man finds his wife. So I'm waiting to be found.

Alright, with that said, I argue back with, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" That was her answer to if anyone has her attention?! See, see, this is why I shake my head at night. I'm probably up thinking about why stupid answers like this exist. Responses like this only furthers the stereotype that the women of my generation need more help than I can ever hope to provide. Like, when I read that answer, I just picture here standing by a ledge, looking at her watch every now and then, hoping someone shows up to claim her. As she's standing there, her hair gradually grays, her clothes become tattered by the wind, and eventually dust has settled upon her. I mean, I feel bad that she actually believes that. Personally, I think it's sexist, but I'll get to that more a little later.


Now, don't get me wrong; I'm sure I know where this answer comes from. Proverbs 18:22 of the King James version of the bible states, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD." (Also notice it says "whoso" and not "a man", shout out to the ladies who have also found themselves a good woman) Anyway, as I read that, I feel good. To me, it says that once I have that special person in my life, the Lord will smile upon our union and has completed his creation of the perfect being, and we are both closer to Him for our commitment. Besides, anyone who finds a good women will still, regardless, need the Lord on their side! Because, if you've never been with a woman, man oh man! Moving on. Never once, in the small, but powerful scripture, did I hear that "wife" waited for her husband to show up and "find" her. I even kept reading, to see if perhaps there was more to this, and it was, but nothing about a wait by any party. Also, my thing is (hi mama!) doesn't God reward action? I believe I've heard that somewhere before. No matter how much I sit here a pray, there is a part that I play in the reception of anything that God has for me. I pray, each time, that God guides me in the right direction . . . how can that happen if I'm constantly standing still? It can't. God needs me to move, and He'll gladly do the rest (as I believe it. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong).


Besides preaching, there is another thing I find wrong with her statement. I personally believe it's sexist. Blatantly sexist. We are in the year 2010, and for her to still hold on to those medieval stereotypes is beyond me. Now, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if society wasn't also teaching girls to be independent, self-sufficient, and the benefits of not having or needing a man. So, which is? Are you independent enough to go find your own man? Or are you independent enough to take care of yourself, but not enough to go out and get yourself a mate? Something seems wrong here to me. I didn't mean to cut the girl down as such, but I feel like something had to be said because sadly, I bet she felt proud of herself for saying that. Others probably looked on in amazement at how wise her words were when, in actuality, they weren't! Let's get somethings together people, for the children's sake. If we're confused about what we believe, so shall they suffer.


Didn't know "next time" would come so soon, it's great talking to you again. Hope to talk with you again soon, until then, don't worry; it'll be all over in the morning.

Compromise

How often have you had to give up what you really want to do in favor of what's best for you and others? For that matter, how often have you had to give up something you want in favor of something you need? I think the answers to these questions ought to be examined way more before making important life decisions. Perhaps it's not always an issue for those who are considered spoiled and those who are considered pushovers, but the in between population who have yet to realize that the action is actually taking place whether they know it or not. I say that for two reasons: one is because if you don't realize how much of yourself you're compromising, it becomes easier and easier for people to walk all over you and have their way with your life. On the other hand, if you don't compromise enough, you become like a wall, unmoving and stubborn. Inconsiderate, lack of understanding, and a general negative disposition may also become symptoms of an unwillingness to compromise. The reason I bring this up is because decisions I make have a larger affect of people now that I've spread myself out more. By that, I mean, I've established relationships with people, and expanded those I've held my whole life. My role in my own life is bigger than it once was, as well as my role in the lives of others. So, I'm realizing that everything I do affects everyone. Whether to do something, or to avoid something, with malicious intent or not; no matter what it is, it affects someone. And, as has been said billions of times before, you can't make everyone happy. Deeper than that, my question is why exactly am I always in compromising positions? When exactly did my decisions affect so many people in so many different ways? And to those who feel that I am uncompromising, at what point did it stop being about compromise, and solely focus on your desires alone? Would you feel better if these thin lines (or gray area, depending upon how you look at it) should be more distinct? Would that make things better? Let us continue . . .


I often wonder how men and women with families do it. It must take great patience to deal with the wants and need of their spouses and that of their children. Not to mention a social life; friends, colleagues, etc. The ability to satisfy the attention of all those who require it must be a very trying task. It must be like wisdom, and is only acquire through experience, knowledge, and patience. Perhaps I'll be there one day. My biggest issue now would have to be the patience. The delay of gratification must still be growing within me, because it does become difficult at times. The lack of patience can be a very disabling personality trait, because it can lead to even more serious affects. The gateway trait; a patience deficiency can cloud judgment, cause anger, sadness, depression, with the potential to break up homes, end relationships and alienate those who suffer from it. Now, it's connection to compromise may not be as clear as day, but now that I've thought about it, patience is a huge part of compromise. See, it goes back to the delay of gratification. As humans, we don't want to wait for anything, nor do we want to settle for things. Now, compromise doesn't have to include waiting or settling, though the fear of it may turn us all off from jumpstreet. Often times, I see compromise, and attempt to avoid it because worrying about compromise takes too much attention away from what I want. It does, but often when you think about the situation, the compromise may actually held better results.


For those who have been referred to as spoiled, I personally think you are only half right. For those who have been victimized and labeled as pushovers, you too, are only half right. Let me start with those referred to as spoiled because being the youngest, I'm always considered spoiled. In all honesty, some times it's always about getting our way, is it? We have wants and needs which deserve to be met. A basic, low-level, right which each of us have to do what's best for our own benefit and also express our individuality. Basically, if you do or don't like doing something, you have the right to do (if legal) or not do so (if also legal). We all have desires, wants, etc. and expecting not to have them would be unnatural. It is perfect to thrive for something because it prevents life from becoming stale an uneventful. It adds speed to you drive and directs your determination. So, with that said, compromising yourself too much becomes a problem. None of us were put here to play second fiddle to anyone else. If I can put my hands together, humble myself to the One who has all my best interest at hand, then so, too, can you.


I say all that (hopefully in an easy to comprehend way) to say this: there is a need to compromise, but not if you must compromise who you are (go figure). It is confusing, there is a complexity present that requires a certain amount of common sense. You live your life in constant interaction with other people. Nature tells us to go for what we want, do what we must to get it, and do what we must to maintain that freedom. However, there are millions of other people with that same innate, natural ability. What keeps us all from killing one another are decent ways of compromise. Accepting that we must tone ourselves down in respect for others and their freedom; realizing that when it comes to those we love, not much thought even goes into the fact that what we want takes a backseat to whatever it is they need; coming to understand that if you were truly allowed to have everything you wanted, someone, somewhere would have to go without something.


It's all just a thought. I've recently been in a situation where what I do, or don't want to do has unwelcome affects on others. It bothers me that my actions are beginning to mean more than just the thoughts I have in my head. If I am a prideful person, why does me rejecting an offer from someone else hurt them so much? Now, of course, that decision would require that person being happy with me accepting their offer, however, being the person I am, it is more difficult for me to simply oblige them. I don't want to do wrong to people, but also don't want to do wrong to myself. The compromise comes with making myself and others satisfied with my decisions. The conflict arises in figuring out where who I am ends and where making them happy begins. And just think about, it only gets more complex from here. I don't have a family of my own, no children to consider, which puts an urgency on figuring out this catch-22.


Until next time people, in 2010, I want you all to know that weeping may endure for a night, but it'll be all over in the morning. Ain't no need to worry . . .