Compromise

How often have you had to give up what you really want to do in favor of what's best for you and others? For that matter, how often have you had to give up something you want in favor of something you need? I think the answers to these questions ought to be examined way more before making important life decisions. Perhaps it's not always an issue for those who are considered spoiled and those who are considered pushovers, but the in between population who have yet to realize that the action is actually taking place whether they know it or not. I say that for two reasons: one is because if you don't realize how much of yourself you're compromising, it becomes easier and easier for people to walk all over you and have their way with your life. On the other hand, if you don't compromise enough, you become like a wall, unmoving and stubborn. Inconsiderate, lack of understanding, and a general negative disposition may also become symptoms of an unwillingness to compromise. The reason I bring this up is because decisions I make have a larger affect of people now that I've spread myself out more. By that, I mean, I've established relationships with people, and expanded those I've held my whole life. My role in my own life is bigger than it once was, as well as my role in the lives of others. So, I'm realizing that everything I do affects everyone. Whether to do something, or to avoid something, with malicious intent or not; no matter what it is, it affects someone. And, as has been said billions of times before, you can't make everyone happy. Deeper than that, my question is why exactly am I always in compromising positions? When exactly did my decisions affect so many people in so many different ways? And to those who feel that I am uncompromising, at what point did it stop being about compromise, and solely focus on your desires alone? Would you feel better if these thin lines (or gray area, depending upon how you look at it) should be more distinct? Would that make things better? Let us continue . . .


I often wonder how men and women with families do it. It must take great patience to deal with the wants and need of their spouses and that of their children. Not to mention a social life; friends, colleagues, etc. The ability to satisfy the attention of all those who require it must be a very trying task. It must be like wisdom, and is only acquire through experience, knowledge, and patience. Perhaps I'll be there one day. My biggest issue now would have to be the patience. The delay of gratification must still be growing within me, because it does become difficult at times. The lack of patience can be a very disabling personality trait, because it can lead to even more serious affects. The gateway trait; a patience deficiency can cloud judgment, cause anger, sadness, depression, with the potential to break up homes, end relationships and alienate those who suffer from it. Now, it's connection to compromise may not be as clear as day, but now that I've thought about it, patience is a huge part of compromise. See, it goes back to the delay of gratification. As humans, we don't want to wait for anything, nor do we want to settle for things. Now, compromise doesn't have to include waiting or settling, though the fear of it may turn us all off from jumpstreet. Often times, I see compromise, and attempt to avoid it because worrying about compromise takes too much attention away from what I want. It does, but often when you think about the situation, the compromise may actually held better results.


For those who have been referred to as spoiled, I personally think you are only half right. For those who have been victimized and labeled as pushovers, you too, are only half right. Let me start with those referred to as spoiled because being the youngest, I'm always considered spoiled. In all honesty, some times it's always about getting our way, is it? We have wants and needs which deserve to be met. A basic, low-level, right which each of us have to do what's best for our own benefit and also express our individuality. Basically, if you do or don't like doing something, you have the right to do (if legal) or not do so (if also legal). We all have desires, wants, etc. and expecting not to have them would be unnatural. It is perfect to thrive for something because it prevents life from becoming stale an uneventful. It adds speed to you drive and directs your determination. So, with that said, compromising yourself too much becomes a problem. None of us were put here to play second fiddle to anyone else. If I can put my hands together, humble myself to the One who has all my best interest at hand, then so, too, can you.


I say all that (hopefully in an easy to comprehend way) to say this: there is a need to compromise, but not if you must compromise who you are (go figure). It is confusing, there is a complexity present that requires a certain amount of common sense. You live your life in constant interaction with other people. Nature tells us to go for what we want, do what we must to get it, and do what we must to maintain that freedom. However, there are millions of other people with that same innate, natural ability. What keeps us all from killing one another are decent ways of compromise. Accepting that we must tone ourselves down in respect for others and their freedom; realizing that when it comes to those we love, not much thought even goes into the fact that what we want takes a backseat to whatever it is they need; coming to understand that if you were truly allowed to have everything you wanted, someone, somewhere would have to go without something.


It's all just a thought. I've recently been in a situation where what I do, or don't want to do has unwelcome affects on others. It bothers me that my actions are beginning to mean more than just the thoughts I have in my head. If I am a prideful person, why does me rejecting an offer from someone else hurt them so much? Now, of course, that decision would require that person being happy with me accepting their offer, however, being the person I am, it is more difficult for me to simply oblige them. I don't want to do wrong to people, but also don't want to do wrong to myself. The compromise comes with making myself and others satisfied with my decisions. The conflict arises in figuring out where who I am ends and where making them happy begins. And just think about, it only gets more complex from here. I don't have a family of my own, no children to consider, which puts an urgency on figuring out this catch-22.


Until next time people, in 2010, I want you all to know that weeping may endure for a night, but it'll be all over in the morning. Ain't no need to worry . . .