Mysterious

God works in mysterious ways, doesn't He? I mean, if God worked in more obvious ways all the time would what we receive be as exciting? My favorite thing about a lot of movies now-a-days is the unpredictability in them. We all think we've seen it all before at this point, but in all honesty, only one has actually seen and heard it all. Our intelligence and our ways of thinking are not the same as His, therefore, we remain confused on subjects in which His named is brought up. It's not that some of us have not studied what He has done, what He has taught, and what He represents; it's that we cannot know because we do not have the ability to think of the same levels as He does. Could you imagine if you knew everything? How much pressure would be on your shoulders to not only hold-on to that knowledge, but use that knowledge wisely. Not only that, but learning how to handle so many truths that we aren't accustomed to handling here on Earth because our inability to comprehend it's magnitude; I can't imagine. I'd lie awake at night thinking about all that I don't know. BUT, it calms me down knowing that there is a reason why I don't know, and it's okay not to. I didn't come here today to preach to anyone, I just came here because I was having some thoughts and I wanted to clear my head. Come along with me anyway, you may learn something.


I've developed a reputation among people who are closer to me. It's not really one I'm proud of, and I'm not happy with simply being known as "misunderstood". I feel like we are all misunderstood, but only to a certain extent. Misunderstandings come by way of the gift we all have, innate in us, with being born unique. Like our fingerprints and these snowflakes, you won't find two of a kind. But, my misunderstanding is one I feel the need to address because it has bled down into the core of my support and the force that moves me to carry on. I haven't always been the nicest person to the people in my family. I haven't always welcomed them like I should, and haven't always interacted with them as I should. We all have our days, but when these traits become a big part of your overall description, I feel the need to say something. I've been going through a lot, not saying that's the main reason, because who doesn't go through a lot? But, what I'm saying is, my reactions to situations that have happened lately has left me confused and wondering what to do next. My dad moved away to California to pursue his own dreams and happiness and I look at that as inspiration. After so many years of talking about something, he actually did it. I'm not mad at him for it at all, the issue is, what do I do now? He's always been a constant fixture in the midst of it all, so I'm wondering, am I the one who is to take that spot? If so, then how do I carry on where he left off? So, I've become stern, and more serious about the things I do and my interactions with people. I feel a certain defense must be upheld for my mother and myself. Because to add to that, we've also moved. She's really happy with the house, as am I, but people will be people and they will have their petty comments. I don't like petty comments. I don't really like people all too well, as you may know. So, I take it upon myself to stand up for us and defend us in any way that I can. The defensiveness has gotten out of hand and may even come off as rude, but I just wish I could find the words to explain how that's not the case. I'm trying to find my role in all of this. I'm growing up, and I'm developing the personality that I will probably maintain for the rest of my life; I just want to make sure it's the right one that brings about the best benefit for myself and my family. I'm not one to make excuses, in short, I'm impatient, sensitive, rude, mean and overall, confused as to how to deal with all the changes that have gone on in the past year. For all whom I've hurt, and for all who have been offended by anything I've said or by any of my actions, I sincerely apologize.


When I sat down here, my point was not to make this an apology letter, it was to enlighten. While I was on vacation, I had an argument with one of my friends and when she asked me what was wrong, and why I act the way I do, that was my answer. I told her that I couldn't afford to have a 21-year-old mentality right now. I told her that I may very well be always on edge because I can't necessarily afford to let my guard down right now. Before I realized it, I had shocked myself with my reply and it dawned on me that maybe I did need to work on some things. Later that day, I walked along the beach. It was more of a dreary day, but I enjoyed it. It wasn't crowded, the sun wasn't blinding, and the only sound was that of the wind, waves, and some laughter in the distance (perfect for a novel cover, right? lol). I called my mom and told her what I had disclosed to my friend, and she sounded like it made sense to her. It made perfect sense to me because for the first time in a long time I didn't have that pain in my chest and back. I didn't feel like I had to hold it all because finally other people knew what I was going through and could help alleviate some of the pressure. I only hope that, that day is the first day to many more revelations and beneficence on my behalf, that overall create a better person.


The reason why I say God works in mysterious ways because earlier today, I was feeling some kind of way. I can't really describe. It was a weird, awkward feeling. I was trying to hold some conversations with "friends" that weren't quite going the way I would have liked. So, I was sitting, thinking, trying to make myself get over it. Understand that things like this happen from time to time, just realize who's really important and who isn't. Minutes ago, I got a call from my aunt. She called and asked about my trip. We got into a conversation, with her asking me about school and ultimately suggesting some very useful information. Toward the end of the conversation, she said something I felt the need to share with everyone else. She told me, "The only sure way of failing is not to try." That stuck with me, because I had just changed my Facebook status (ugh, Facebook) to a list of things that I wanted to do to reach whatever goals I decide to set. I'll post the list, but the point is, she called and confirmed, without even knowing, everything I was thinking. I'll take that as God's way of giving me a thumbs up, and Him letting me know that He's in support of my growth. I believe it to be so, I find comfort in the message, I smile for the results and I'm thankful for it all. I hope this message finds you well, thanks for listening!


The List

1. Pray.

2. Form a plan.

3. Put that plan into action.

4. Plan for hiccups in that plan.

5. Love it when a plan comes together.

6. Enjoy the fruits of that labor.

7. Share the achievements with others.