As an aspiring author, this blog is used as a tool, and an outlet of personal feelings, opinions, and inner thoughts. I hope that as I write, the better I write. I won't ask you to comment, but they are appreciated. I hope you enjoy what I have to say and you will give thought in ways you may not have before.
Man, today was full of ups and downs for me. I've talked about it a lot with a few people because they felt for me. Nothing to serious, but to me, I was upset. Let me start off by talkin' about this morning. I got up to get ready for church. I wanted to go to church, but the weather was just so bad that I almost reconsidered. See, I had to ask my dad for his Durango because neither my car not my mom's car had any traction in this 9" of snow on the ground. So, he let us, but the hard part was yet to come. It was so cold just walkin' outside to get in the truck. I had to clean the windshield (which I kinda skipped at this point). After really not bein' too bothered with that, I had to turn around to come pick up my moms. But, smart me, knew that turning around in the middle of the street wasn't goin' to work. So, I decided to drive around the block. So, with very minimal visibility, I drive to the corner, and guess what? Get stuck. Spinning out, with a car behind me, and no visibility ahead of me, I'm stressin'. Later, mama told me she was tryin' to call me and ask that I not just get out the truck and walk back home. See, I have a short temper, and true enough, I would have just left it there while I walk it off. But, stuck with it, and finally made it back around to pick her up.
Church was good. I mean, it was cold, but good. I enjoyed the sermon and the kids put on their Christmas play. It was too funny. The impersonated different members of the congregation and for some odd reason, my baby cousin Bryce was in every part of it (not saying he was supposed to be though). Either way, it was all very entertaining and I was glad I was there. Perhaps the best part to me (and you'd never guess this) was when my sister lead the choir in the song Now Behold the Lamb. I mean, I made fun of her afterward about how her back-up singers all ran out the crowd to help her, but it was a cool sight. Well, to me it was. Because I see beyond the obvious. But still, the song was great and I'm glad I was there to hear her sing it. I had only heard her sing it one other time, and if you know my sister, you wouldn't know how in the world they got her to have lead. I mean, she didn't do her adlibs, but that was cool. She had back-up, remember?
After church, where the story gets bad, is at the store when I'm buying gas for the snow-blower and some ice cream and the grocery store (for some reason, ice cream is better when it's cold outside, go figure). Anyway, I gotta call sayin' that mama car was stuck and I needed to get back home to help. So I stopped what I was doin' and went back to the truck. As I'm backin' out, I hear faint horns just before I feel this loud thud. I had hit this lady who decided to back out the same time as I. I didn't see her at all. I had saw a white care that began to come, but decided against it, so I believed I had the go-ahead. But, for some reason, I just totally missed this lady. Only now do I think about how mean this chick was and what I should have said as she was takin' down my insurance info (I was so spooked, I forgot to get hers) what I could have done, but like I said, I was so startled at the moment, I couldn't think. I wasn't hurt at all, I was just concerned about the damage I had done to daddy's truck. After I found out mama had gotten out, I surveyed the damage. I saw that I had cracked his bumper. I was so hurt. I hated bein' the one to mess up his ride. I would have preferred it been my car. I called him and explained what happened. Then, he asked me to bring him a pop home. When I got home, I couldn't even say anything. I was embarrassed and ashamed that I was one of those reasons why insurance rates are so high for kids my age. As I was getting the snowblower out of the basement, I told him that he could return any Christmas presents I had to pay for the damages done. I meant it. I didn't feel like I deserve to have nice gifts if I'm wrecking other people's property. To my surprise, all he said was "Accidents happen. And this weather, you can't control that." I was so lost. I mean, I almost would have felt better if he were mad, because then I would have had a reason to feel bad. But, he just went on like nothing was the matter. We blew the yard, and around the cars and had a long conversation afterward. Not even about the accident, but just talked. I guess I couldn't have asked for a better way to end a bad situation.
With that being said, as good as today was, it was just as bad. But, as I sit here now, listening to my sister's lead song, I feel much better. And very tired from the snow we handled. It's so so cold right now, I can't find the words to describe it. Upsettingly cold is the best way I've found. But, Christmas is almost here, I may go make some money tomorrow (God willing), and I just can't dwell on one thing. I have to keep it movin' until it's time for me to rest. Below are some pics of my baby, and the house just to show you how bad the weather is. Until next time, stay warm, stay inside, be safe, and don't be a failure.
So, I'm sittin' around, not doin' much, readin' the guide lookin' for something to watch. I come across The Batman, so I say to myself, "Sweet. The Batman. Awesome." Well, something like that. Anyway, I watch it and of course it's cold. I mean, it's Batman, so I knew I wouldn't be disappointed. I stay tuned, like I was instructed to do by the Cartoon Network administration for Justice League: Unlimited. I could tell this was goin' to be a good night. It was. Remembering that Christmas is right around the corner, I figure why not ask for Justice League: Unlimited boxset. I mean, I am a big fan of boxsets. If you've ever been in my room, you'd know. My point is, it was brought up that perhaps I'm not actin' my age because I like cartoons and play videogames. That was the point where you could hear the '45 needle pulled up and that screechin' sound. That threw me for a loop because I believed my maturity had been brought into question. So I thought to myself a bit, and decided, "Yea, my maturity is being questioned." Here I am, answering that question.
Apparently, as it was presented to me, being a 20 year old prohibits me from watchin' certain things and doing certain things in my spare time. Alright, I can see that. I mean, I would to hate to see myself at this age in my one-piece jumpsuit with the feet in them and a diaper on. Or maybe pulling out my power morpher and fighting crime under an unknown identity (or believing I could).Or even collecting Pokemon Cards and battling my friends to see who was the Pokemon master. So, considering that I have once upon a time done all those things, does simply watching cartoons sound that bad? I would say that it depends on the cartoons I was watching, but, I must admit, I can get caught up in some Fairly Oddparents and Spongebob on the right day. So let's not go there.
Being the complex thinker that I am, I had to delve deeper into how I could defend my immature-implied status. I thought about it from outside my own point-of-view. I understand that maybe at my age, I should be doing more adult-like things with my time. Maybe studying, or watching something more educational. You know, like C-Span, or PBS. But, that's really boring. Even to adults who watch it, it's boring (which kinda begs the question of why it's still on the air). I feel like this, I would hate to see the type of person I would be if it were not for the leisure of watching cartoons and playing videogames. It's hard enough to catch me in a good mood during a typical work week, so imagine if I didn't have the small things to keep me grounded.
Honestly, I wouldn't call anyone who watches cartoons immature. Especially not me. I mean, I understand that the Bible says (dang, everything is in that book, huh?), "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." That's true, but do many people really understand what that's saying? The key is that "I thought as a child." Meaning, I don't think that somewhere out there, all these things goin' on are really happening. I no longer believe that I can morph, I can't "catch 'em all" and I will never have fairy godparents (although, I'm still holdin' out on that one). But, I can maintain the innocence and belief of a child. That's why children are taught to belief in Santa, and the Easter Bunny and things of that nature because it's so innocent, and it teaches them to believe in something. You ever met anyone who didn't know what to believe in? Can't say that about a child. In turn, that belief gives them hope. Hope is hard to come by, and if you are lucky enough to have it, then it is hard to hold on too. Those of us who were given something to believe in have it easier to hold on to hope.
People are so quick to talk about how old they are, and what they won't do anymore. Or how mature they are and what they won't take part in anymore. And I almost feel bad for them because it's not that they are giving something up, but they are missing out. Me, I took what I watched on television from a young age and because of that, I have a very vivid imagination. That imagination, that brain-power to decipher what's real and what's not will take me so far in this life. Not everyone can look at something, and break it down on so many different levels like I've been told I can. And I have to thank, in part, my many hours in front of the tv. I would hate to not have an imagination. Being conservative, waking up the same way I did yesterday with the same things on my mind expecting the same things to happen. I like to think outside the box. Actually, I like to think about the possibility of the box being nonexistent. That way, all angles of possible outcome are covered. Areas that have never been gone over before will be discovered. And when I wake up in the morning, that fresh thought, that has never been thought of before, can take me to another place better than where I was yesterday.
I know that was long, but I hope you understand. I don't watch cartoons for childish reasons, although I maintain my child-like essence. My imagination is what fuses one with the other. Before you get so uptight and stressed out, think back to when you weren't stressed and had nothing to worry about, and tell me what was there then, that isn't now. Good luck. Don't be a failure, watch cartoons instead.
Everyone, I would again like to apologize for my long absence. I just got back to Detroit today, and after a long Finals week (which I barely survived), I was just really tired. My mind wasn't focused on what it should have been. But, I'm back now, and hopefully still with your attention. I want to start by displayin' the beautiful gifts I received for Christmas from my bay. With the distance between us, we have to exchange early. Before the semester ends. I loved them. Pretty much everything I asked for, and it wasn't even about the physical gifts themselves, it was more about her willingness to make me happy in the ways she does. I really appreciate all the things she does for me, above and beyond the monetary value of anything in the picture. Although, she has helped me out so much with these things. The Audacity of Hope written by our President-Elect Barack Obama, I asked for because the man is a true role model and a testament to the fact that, indeed, we can do anything we put our minds to. Also, readin' his book will help me form the structure of a book I want to write. 808s & Heartbreak by Kanye West. I haven't listened to it all the way just yet, but I can't to listen and love it, so I can review it, and shove his talent down the throats of his haters and megacritics. Also, I just appreciate good/great music. I have been blessed to understand the difference, and even though its harder to find that now-a-days, its a true pleasure when I do. The Dark Knight, one of the best movies I've ever watched. That goes beyond comic-movies, Batman movies, or anything. Simply, one of the best movies I've ever watched. I don't think I can stress that enough. Just wait 'til I get to watch it with all the extended features and extra footage. Hours of time to myself right there. Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe is the new installment of the Mortal Kombat franchise. Technically, Mortal Kombat 8 if you're countin'. Anyway, despite what review say, I'm havin' hella fun playin' already. I didn't want to put down the joystick. The story was gettin' good, and I was eager to see what was goin' to happen next. Plus, gettin' to beat up Superman with Batman in a realistic way is a great concept in and of itself. The card she gave me was beautiful. Her words really touched me, which made openin' it first, not only polite, but well worth it. It is just as important to me as anything else she gave me. I want to thank you again bay. Everything was beautiful. I hope you enjoy your Baby Phat outfit, with your new purse, while bumpin' your new Beyonce' cd (Had to throw in what I bought her lol!).
Now, the thought provokin' part of today's conversation. Home is where the hatred is:
Since the last time I was in Detroit (a couple of weeks ago), I had been thinkin' about how I felt about it. And honestly, I was down because things around me just don't seem like home anymore. My room may still be there, and my family, but a home is more than that. A home is more than a place to stay, its a place of my affections. I feel like I may have turned my back on my city, and in turn, it's grown cold. It's changed a bit, and that small bit seems so unfamiliar to me now. Family members have grown since I've last seen them. It was only a few months, but everyday, growth and maturity happens, and I hope in the course of that they learned something new. I hope that my absence will be used as a way to show them what decisions they should make in their lives, and how to somewhat avoid the bad ones. The major difference between this trip and the last is that my father is back from California this time. It's bittersweet to see him back because we've grown so far apart recently. There's no animosity between us, but it's just weird that your father is "that guy" in California. I would never make assumptions about his absence, but I'm not stupid. I like to think of myself as a pretty intelligent young man, I would hope to be treated like that. But, I won't speculate on anything specific. I told my moms that I didn't want to ask him for anything, because I didn't care if he came back. I didn't. So after sittin' down and talkin' with him for an hour or so, I realized that I wasn't as mad at him for leavin' as I was for just how awkward he seems to make things sometimes. Like, it's difficult to understand what kind of situation is goin' on in this house. I talk to mama, and I talk to daddy, yet I don't know if they are even a family. I've seen this a lot and I understand that they are adults, I am too. But, it's hard because I grew up a mama's boy, who was spoiled by both parents, and my only memories are of all of us close and happy. So now that I can see clearly, it's a difficult to adjust my feelings. I'm sure as I grow and get used to it, things will be better. After talkin' with you all, I feel better about the situation. I still don't feel at home, but I'll take stayin' at the house until God handles things in my favor.
Well everyone, it's cold outside, so wrap up. I'm in Detroit, so it you're here, then I'm here. I will be back with more to talk about soon. Reviews, thoughts, and answering any questions you may have with the The Gentleman Perspective. Until next time, be good, and don't be a failure.
Hello everyone. I decided to take a small break from studyin' to work on some writing. This is the week before Finals Week, which pretty much means its also finals week. I just want to wish all the students good luck, because if you're like me, then you'll need it. I'm not worried though. I mean, I'm goin' over the notes, and readin' over what the professors say, so I can't say anything about a lack of tryin'. Maybe some lack of interest, but not for lack of tryin'.
I want to start by talkin' about my disgust over the O.J. Simpson trial. Just to give some general background into, O.J. went to trial in 1994 for the murders of ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ronald Goldman. He was acquitted of those charges in 1995 after a long trial, thanks to the help of his high-profile defense team lead by Johnnie Cochran. To date, O.J. has paid little of the $33.5 million awarded for the wrongful deaths to the families of the victims, after being tried again in 1997, where he was found liable for damages. In February of 2008, upheld a renewal of the civil judgment against him. So, the guy definitely knows his way around a court room. Meaning, this is not his first brush with the law. It has been said that Los Angeles was divided racially after his acquittal, as blacks celebrated and whites were angered. Personally, I can't say anything about it. I mean, while it was highly publicized, at the time, I'm sure I was too busy watchin' Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. So, I go with that fact that if he was acquitted, then I see him as innocent. My point of all this is to say that today, after over a year of another trial, he was found guilty and sentenced to at least 9 years in prison. The trial was held against O.J. for robbery with a deadly weapon, burglary with a firearm, assault with a deadly weapon, first-degree kidnapping with use of a deadly weapon (which carries possible life sentence), coercion with use of a deadly weapon, conspiracy to commit robbery, conspiracy to commit kidnapping, and conspiracy to commit a crime. A mouthful right? I would have understood and been impartial if I hadn't watched news coverage almost find joy in the destruction another human being. I mean, at what point did I not get the memo that angry mobs were okay? Why not just lynch him? It seems to me like that's what everyone was hopin' for anyway. So, there were no African Americans on the jury, and the judge "just so happened" to make a speech about how the 1995 trial was not brought into the judgment of this trial, I personally think foul-play was involved. They hit O.J. with the 'Cism! It's obvious. I believe that certain people were so upset that he was able to beat the "justice" system the first few times, that they just had to get him. I'm a conspiracy theorist, sure, but I also see where O.J. was in the wrong. But I have to wonder if it were anyone else, would things have gotten in such an uproar. This man's name has been dragged through the mud, he's been embarrassed, and now he could finally spend the rest of his natural life in jail. Congratulations,you all finally got him. One black man, who happened to win the Heisman trophy, make the Pro bowl 6 times in his career, Pro Bowl MVP, NFL MVP, NFL offensive player of the year, just to name a few accolades, is now in jail to basically die. He's 61 years old, he has to serve at least 9 years of a 33 year sentence. Who actually believes he's gettin' out in 9? I don't. Not with that California system. I guess the straw that broke the camel's back was when he laughed at you all by releasin' his book IF I Did It. I'd kinda be mad too if this man laughed in my face after all these years. But, despite that, it was sickening to see that the family of Ronald Goldman was at the trial, and found pleasure in the fact that O.J. was lead out in cuffs, possibly never to be seen free again. My only hope is that an appeal is made, and the new trial will be more fair and balanced.
On a sadder note(if that was even possible), a friend of mine found out that he lost his mother last night. David Chapman, who I met last year when I lived in Rather, was a cool dude, and we always played the dozens, and made "mama jokes" and things like that. But, I'm saddened that he has to go through this. I mean, to lose your mothers seems like the worse of all pains you could experience. I just want to let him and the family know even if he doesn't read this, that my heart goes out to them all. And never will another joke come from my mouth pertaining to any of this. I hope he can stay strong for the family because I'm sure they need each other now more than ever. Even though we have our differences, I'd like for him to know that I'm here for him in anyway I can be. We'll go back to the normal stuff soon enough.
I want to say again, good luck to everyone on their finals. Let's show this university that we're not intimidated and won't just go away despite the odds against us. And I'm not just talkin' about blacks, I'm talkin' about us all. Because with the economy the way it is, it will get harder to maintain student status. It will get harder find jobs and pay bills when we leave here. So, let's all try our hardest. Don't be a failure, it's really not an option.
I understand why they say we get "heated" in reference to our anger. Yesterday, I could have walked around outside at one point with no shirt on I was so angry. It is my own fault, but that only adds fuel to the flame because this whole mess could have been avoided with one little signature that was not on a check. So before I get into that, let me give you the backstory.
Its no secret at all that I have Michigan State University. While I can perhaps take pride in the fact that we had a good football season this year, the basketball team is lookin' good, or that so many of my "friends" go here, I cannot say that I like the administration of this institution. And this is not anything new, if you know me, you've heard me state openly my hate for this school since I arrived here. At the Academic Orientation Program (AOP), there was one of the loudest thunderstorms that I've ever heard. Maybe that was my sign. During that time, knowing how big the campus is now, they made us walk from the center of campus to our respective dorms. That was awful. To think of the distance, and how over excited we all were, and how annoyingly cheerful the tour guides were; I hated the environment. Anyway, it is no secret that I hate this school. I've tried to find reasons to want to stay here. I thought my friends would help me, my family would help the situation, girlfriends, or maybe it would get easier as time went along. No. In each area, there was not enough of a reason to change my perception.
I know, its sounds like I'm whining, and I may be. I'm still hurt by what I had to go through. And its no different than what others may go through, but how it affected me is what has me nearly shaken. It was such a long process before my tuition was paid for fall semester of my sophomore/junior year. Meaning, it just got paid yesterday. Why is that? Well, because after enduring the long process, all the paper work, the deadlines, and requirements for the first loan disbursement, I forgot to properly endorse the check. I was so happy when I finally paid it the first time, because I no longer had to worry about that. I could focus on my studies. But, weeks later, after the refund check money was spent, and my guard was down, I receive a letter saying that my check had been returned. I got this letter twice. I even had to sign for it as a package at one point. According to the loan company, I had 3 chances to properly endorse the check, but when it was sent back, Michigan State did not have it. They did not even know where it was. All they had was a copy of the check. So, every time I went to them, they held this voided copy of the check up at me with a stupid look on their faces. You would think if that's where you work, and what you do for a living, you would have a better understanding of how things work, or at least be able to help me with the process. Instead, I was threatened that if I didn't do something, my enrollment would be canceled. They threatened me, several times, without giving me any decent procedure to go through to get them their payment. Luckily for me, I guess, I was able to call the loan company and their bank, to help with everything. All they needed was that copy of the check that the "nice, hardworking" administration had. After I sent that to them, it took a while for their departments to send out a duplicate check. I mean, it was a hassle on both ends, but at least the loan company didn't just tell me what I already knew. They got the ball rolling with check traces, and made sure I understood what into the procedure. So, I knew why it would take so long. You think Michigan State understood any of that. No. I basically should be grateful for all the extensions I was given, yet ignore the demeaning way I was treated. I was made to feel like my money was not good enough whether they had it or not. I was made to feel like I was lucky to even be considered a Michigan State University. I don't think Michigan State is a good enough university to call someone with the potential to change the world like myself a Spartan.
Even though it was my mistake for not doing what I needed to do, I've more than paid for it. I have $1 in my pocket, and this school will be lucky if I even buy another pack of Skittles on campus. I've been disenrolled, I've been talked to like I was stupid, and I've been looked at like I didn't belong here. The process of getting all your classes back after you get disenrolled is not easy. Its strenuous, and you have to pretty much go beg either your professors, or the department heads for each class to let you back in. All these people probably pitied me. But, thats fine. I am back in for good now, and I can focus on finals. My point in all this is, there are too many reasons for me to get put out, and not enough reasons to keep me around. College is supposed to be my stepping stone, but who's using who? You take my thousands of dollars per semester, yet you put me out if my grades aren't high enough because the professors "challenge" me? I have to pay for classes I don't need because of university requirements? The only requirements I should fulfill is the thousands of dollars I pay for the name of the university. I've gotten tickets for parking in areas that no one had permits for, but because there was tailgating, I didn't have the right. I was ticketed because I took a spot from a tailgater. Someone who's only there every other weekend who hasn't paid thousands of dollars for an education get more favor than I do. Whenever I succeed, however that may be, I will not be one of those grateful alumni that give back. I'm not Steve Smith, or Magic Johnson. I guess if had been an athlete, or rich, or someone to add something more to this school I would have been treated different. My money is no good here, even though its a large amount of it, its no good. I was an average high school student who got here probably due to affirmative action and bring nothing to benefit them. That's fine. Everyone who is rich, or who is an athlete I have nothing against you. I just hope that you appreciate the favor shown to you.
If it was up to me, I'd leave today and never come back. I would work on my book and give focus to that which really matters. But in growing up, I've learned that there are times when nothing goes right and somehow, someway, we are to seek out the hope. I think its called having faith. That may be it, or I may just be too stupid to understand that I shouldn't stay where I'm not wanted. I don't know. Until next time, don't be a failure . . . despite what anyone or anything tries to tell you.
I hope you all had a Happy Holiday. I did, which is exactly what I needed after all the stress that comes along with this college life. I won't complain though. After enjoyin' the sermon in church today, I'm grateful for the opportunity to be here. But, I don't want to give you it all up front, so let's slow it down and take it one step at a time, shall we? Enjoy.
I got home late on Wednesday in preparation for the Holiday weekend. To my surprise, Detroit Made Ballaz (DMB)was in attendance. This was the first time in a minute that we all got the chance to get together and just chill. Dominique was sick, but is now out of the hospital which is great news. His medicine messes with him a bit, but that's better than bein' stuck in a hospital with tubes everywhere and your sense of self depleted. Anyway, it was good times again. Mar drove us around, the first time I got to ride with him since he got his license. The cool part is that we feel its time to work on music again. Maybe not me as much, but DMB is/will be an empire. We're diversely talented so as long as I can help Mar lay down vocals and Kapoe keeps the music comin', then I will be there where I'm needed. As you know, I write too, just in a different format so we do all fit and we headed to the top one way or another. A lot of talent in three people, that's more than enough for a tide change.
Thanksgiving was a fun time this year. We surprised my moms with Thanksgiving dinner because she had to work. When she finally got there and ate, it was well worth it. Everyone smilin' and laughin' and just messin' around. Nothing serious, not issues, and problems to a minimum. Pretty much ignore for the time being. Just what we all needed really. When stress gets a hold of you, it won't let go just because you want it to. So, to have moments where nothing else matters but what's then and now is a blessing. We played Taboo. And if you know about Taboo, you already know what's up. I was cryin' laughin' at some of the clues given. The bonus: my team won. Holla at ya boy-boy! Afterward, kicked the kids out and watched Katt Williams' It's Pimpin', Pimpin'. That was so hilarious, my sides stayed sore. Kickin' the kids out was great too, of course.
I took Friday off just to chill. It was a lazy day for me, and I didn't mind. Plus, I was kinda buzzed anyway. I won't complain, it felt great to not do anything. But, day two of nothing to do was not cool. I was so bored, it was unbelievable. I mean, I don't usually get bored, because I don't mind not havin' anything to do. But that day, it was annoying almost. So, I got dressed and just decided to go for a drive. I went to K-Mart, for no real reason at all, then drove all the way downtown to see my old high school. While drivin' and listenin' to some moodsetting music, I began to brainstorm about different aspects of the book. I had been so focused on what to write and how, that I haven't given much thought to what I want my book to do for the reader. That brainstorm gave me a few new ideas and some different directions to go in. Being a bit of a perfectionist, if I'm goin' to do something, I'm goin' to do it right. I can't give you crap, because if you've taken the time to read, and the money to support my dreams, then I owe you a lot more than that. I'll keep you posted on the book progress.
I was glad I got a chance to go to church today. I miss my church and all the happenings of it. Everytime I'm there, whether I've been away or not, I am welcomed back with open-arms. See, I'm glad that I love I received isn't based on the money I bring in, what I'm wearing, or anything like that. The church family loves me because I may just be one of the best members ever, ever! Seein' people I used to mess it, clownin' at altar prayer, hearin' the choir, it was all beautiful and needed. Its nice to know that when nothing else feels like home, church still is. But, I'll get to that in greater detail a little later. I just want to thank the members of Conventional Missionary Baptist Church for their support, the laughs, and the love. The true definition of a church home.
Well, that was my break. I'll be back with more thought provoking material soon. Let me get some rest from my very difficult trip back to school. Until next time, don't be a failure.
Okay, I didn't watch the AMA's because award shows are let downs for me. Either the people that should perform don't, or they do and the performance is lame. Also, you have one person take home everything, whether it they are deserving or not. So rarely is true artistry rewarded. And let's not forget all the embarrassing moments that BET provides us with when it comes to award shows. 30 men on stage, lookin' like they don't have the basic instincts to know how to iron, wear a belt, or buy clothes that fit. Anyway, I saw this moment on SOHH.com when I heard that Kanye dedicated his best album award to Lil Wayne.
I thought that was a real gentleman thing to do because The Carter 3 was a great album despite how tired I am of hearin' it. A stand-up-guy that Kanye is. But more importantly is what he said is his acceptance speech. We should be about breakin' stereotypes and we should "want to be Elvis" (my opinion on Elvis shall not go into play right now for view of the bigger picture). Graduation is still one of my favorite albums. Creatively, musically, lyrically, Kanye was at the top of his game, and proved to 50 Cent that your name doesn't sell alone. Mr. West's hard work paid off not just for him, but I also benefited with a cd full of great music.
With that said, the moment comes when two of my favorite acts come together. In my mind, this was great because I am a fan (there goes that word again) of both of these acts. Imagine how I feel when I'm watchin' a clip and see Rock stars Nickelback hand-off an award to hip-hop superstar Kanye West. It does not, in almost no way, get any better than that. Whether you understand it or not, this Gentleman just enjoyed one of the best things he's seen in a while with the climate of a crappy society.
Swagga Like . . . Everybody else Okay, this is just gettin' out of control. It's so funny how bein' different and standin' out seems to make everyone look alike. Remember when "Swagga Like Us" came out, and the beat was cold, Kanye verse took you by surprise, Jay-Z's was lame (yea, I said it), Wayne brought is A-game, and T.I. killed it? I do, and that's where it should have stopped. Now, we have Old Spice Swagger, which slightly goes in the complete opposite direction of what it implies. So, when you look around the web, you see people with "SWAG" of some sort imposed on their pictures, or in their statuses. My point is, if you have to say it, then you don't have it. Whether it be "attitude", "demeanor", "style", or now "Swag", if you didn't have it before it was popular, then you do not, DO NOT have it now. I was a gentleman yesterday, I'm one today, and tomorrow, I'll be a gentleman whether its "cool" or not.
That's all for now people. Be blessed, be different, and don't be a failure!
Okay, so I'm a huge wrestlin' fan. Well, let's call it sports-entertainment. I feel like that is the perfect title for it, all things considered. So, I understand that many of you may not have watched, or paid attention in some time, and for that, I understand you not readin'.
For all those who are still fans, or at least have a general knowledge of what's goin' on, tonight WWE presented Survivor Series. They had 3 traditional Survivor Series elimination matches and two main events: The WWE title and the World Heavyweight Championship. Please be warned that this blog contains massive amounts of spoilers! But, since the PPV is over at this point anyway, get over it.
Let me start off by sayin' that RAW should really be considered the B show at this point. Smackdown, The People's Show, is the best. WWE knew what they were doin' after the brand draft by bringin' the best to Smackdown. I mean, Undertaker, Triple H, Jeff Hardy, and Edge, just to name a few?! RAW takes the L. Although, Jericho and Orton do give me a little something to look forward to. Tonight, at the pay-per-view, Cena would return from injury to face off against the Savior, Chris Jericho. Internet smarks have got to be some of the stupidest people I ever almost talked to. Yes, I once joined a forum, but canceled my account because they were just too ignorant to understand anything. Anyway, Super Cena returned and beat Jericho for the world heavyweight championship in a dramatic turn of events havin' to do with Cena's career-threatening neck injury. Blah, blah, blah, I've seen it all at this point. It didn't surprise me that he won. It surprised me that even though people hate Jericho (as they are supposed to storyline wise), they hate Cena even more (as they really aren't supposed to). Me, I don't mind Cena . . . as a person. His character has gotten beyond stale and his ring work needs serious polishing. You would think that too much of a good thing would be bad, well, it is. We were tired of Cena way back at Wrestlemania when he beat Triple H to retain in '06. So now, I'm ready to digest the same 'ol, same 'ol.
The best part of the night goes to Smackdown. The storyline behind behind the triple threat match was beautiful. To mix it up a bit, the story was released that Jeff Hardy was found unconscious in his Boston hotel, leadin' internet smarks to make a fool of themselves . . . yet again. It was a work, and a beautiful one at that. The match went one with Triple H (champion) and Vladamir Kozlov. The match was boring, until HHH hit the pedigree, and GM Vicki Guerrero announced that the triple threat would continue because "he" was there. Edge music hit and I was hooked. Jeff Hardy then came out and attacked everyone with a chair before bein' speared by Edge and HHH pinned. Edge is the new WWE champ. I love it, because I didn't see it comin'. I'm down because Hardy didn't win it yet, but I'm intrigued on where this storyline is goin'.
A good pay per view overall. I enjoyed it, and can't wait to watch Smackdown. I'll even watch RAW to see what the backlash is over Cena winnin'. Until tomorrow night, goodnight. Remember, don't be a failure.
I'd like to start this one with some apologies. I want to apologize to my bay Tokie for all that I put her through. It's not on purpose, but sometimes even the best of people can't save the worse of moods. I love you for tryin' so hard, and how strong you are to deal with me. I hope that whatever the issues are, we can actually overcome them because you have enhanced my life a lot. You bring in that positivity that I forget exist in the world. You keep it movin' when I feel like givin' up. You are the nice to my mean, the people person to my anti-social personality, and the love to complete my incomplete. Whenever I think God isn't listenin' and my blessings aren't comin', I need to think about the one that continues to show itself: you.
Also, I'd like to apologize to myself. For not writin' within the last two days. I'm supposed to be workin' on my craft, and progressin' as an artist, yet I let minor things interrupt my train of thought. I do apologize, self. For potentially messin' up my future with laziness, and often selfishness. I hope that things can get back on track, and that dream that I have won't remain a dream forever.
Okay, now that that's done, we can get into something a little more interestin'. Black People, Please Listen! Tell me this, when we had a white president, how often did you hear white people walk around sayin', "My President is White!"? I never remember hearin' that. They never had to say it. It was always a given. Don't mess up our progress with tainted attitudes and new racism. That's right, racism! It is racist to walk around yellin' that our president is black. That furthers the myth that we only voted for him because he was black. And, he is not just our president because he is black, he is our president because we voted for the best candidate to lead this country back in the right direction. We had the best voter turn-out in years for this election, we had to overcome a lot of ignorance just like President Obama, but please let us not become that replacement ignorance. Don't cast another shadow over a race of people that has just came out of the dark. Thank you. I want to say that I will not let any of you embarrass me because I refuse to held back by anyone's ignorance or stupidity. I will say you may be makin' it harder for me, and for that, I will not forgive. This is our chance people, let's keep it positive.
Kanye to da! I just want to give a big shout-out to the homie Kanye West. This hasn't been the best year. No year is a good year when you lose your mother. And I applaud him for keepin' his mind on his work, as opposed to ending his own life due to the pain. I hate how the media portraits him though. Nothing negative has slowed down, so I'm glad some positivity can surface. I'm not too sure about this new cd, or this new style of music, but I will make that trek through the snow to pick up the new cd because I understand where this cd came from. This cd is what kept him alive. This was his therapy in the midst of his pain. You don't believe me? He refers to this new sound as "heartbreak". This dude put his heart on these tracks and I would feel bad as a fan if I did not support that. I rarely call myself an actual fan of anyone, but he is one of a very few people that I am a fan of. His style is so cold, his attitude is like mine in that, he lets his underestimated intelligence catch his enemies off guard. Plus, he is his own person. Not following behind anyone, but doin' his own thing without regard for the response. Anywho, I'm goin' to get the album, not downloading it, and I'll let you know how it is. Good or bad. Speakin' of Kanye, I'm not feelin' the hate comin' from Jay-Z. We all heard "Big Brother" from Graduation, which I hated, by the way. But, I'm not feelin' how he tried to play 'Ye, or how he not givin' 'Ye the credit he deserves. That's okay though. Let's see what this next album Jay put out does. I mean, maybe I'd be mad too if the person I didn't want in my camp came in, changed the style I established, and then became a better artist than I am, so I retired. Then, realized people didn't care anymore, so I came back, and people still didn't care. I guess I understand. Ha! Jay, you just gotta take the L on this one. You got 99 problems, Kanye must be 1!
I want to give another shout-out to The R&B Hippie Neo-Soul Rockstar, Raheem DeVaughn. I'm a big fan (another of the very few people I am a fan of), and while writin' this, I am listenin' to some early work of his. The Street Experience vol. 1 from 2004. It's really settin' the creative mood right now, and I hope you all enjoyed readin' today. I will talk to you tomorrow. Remember, don't be a failure!
Okay, I've taken a stance on homosexuality (see "Blacks vs. Gays") and now, let's talk about what happened to me at work last night. In order for me to get through this, it may seem like I'm talkin' about someone, or puttin' them down, or even laughin' at them, but I'm not. He was drunk, and I was laughin' at his antics, not his life style.
Well, last night I get to work, and no less than 15 minutes in to my shift, as a night receptionist in the hall I stay in, a guy from down my hall walks up. Its no big deal, nothing out of the ordinary. Well, he was dressed as a female. No big deal, he's a drag queen, and he's homosexual, cool. BUT, he's approachin' the buildin' with this tight shirt on, pulled down over his butt. Thats all the outfit is, includin' some 6 inch heels. Okay, I guess that's also no big deal, because slutty chicks dress like that all the time. BUT, his dick . . . I'm sorry, penis (for my sensitive language individuals) is hangin' out from under the outfit. I immediately look down toward my laptop, tryin' to find anything else in the world to do in opposition of lookin' at this guy/girl. I scan his ID and pray he just goes back and chill in his room (me being ignorant simply because I'm uncomfortable). But, he stays and has a convo with my partner for the night. So, "she" is sittin' here with "her" junk all exposed. Well, "she" had on underwear, but still, it had a penis! So, I'm shocked. My neck is gettin' stiff from how I have to hold my head so that I won't get caught laughin' at this "girl". We found out "she" was drunk, and then I kinda understand "her" actions. Until, other people start comin' in and "she" begins to mess with them. It was so funny. "She" was yellin' at people drivin' by, tellin' them that "she" was on her period, and wonderin' where all the boys were. At this point, I've lost it. Inside, I'm laughin' so hard that my sides are startin' to hurt. I'm textin' coworkers and my bay about the whole thing because I fear no one will believe me if I told them later. So, eventually my coworker and bay come downstairs to see whats up. "She" is still here, complainin' about her buzz wearin' off, yet not slowin' down one bit with the comedy. So, "her" friend shows up . . .
{Pause}
. . . "her" friend is also a guy, but I have seen him show up, and then leave out as a female also. Luckily, on this night, he stayed a guy . . . for the most part.
{Play}
Anyway, after all that has already happened, from this drunk white girl showin' up out of her mind, upset that "this girl" has better legs than she does, to "this girl's" junk fallin' out, I didn't think it could get any worse. Man, why did I say that? My bay was here with me, and we're talkin' about what has already happened, when the guy that came to visit decides to play some Beyonce. "Ole girl" gets hype, and decides to put on a show for us. I do mean a show. "She" knows the routines to about a good 5 of the songs, slidin' on the poles, swingin' around, walkin', bouncin'; all the stuff from Beyonce's videos. She even cartwheels. That's right, cartwheels, with the short shirt on that barely pulled down over everything. We are crackin' up! This took our minds completely off the fact that the internet didn't work. Okay, a break in the action happened when somehow a conversation starts about what good-lookin' man is. At that point, they bring up dudes who could get it. Let me remind you, these are two dudes, well, one is in drag, and is now a girl, but mostly two dudes discussin' who they would do. And by "do", I indeed mean have sex with. Okay, I've laughed so hard, and my mind is so gon at this point, I realize that it is time for me to get off from work. Then, I get sex advice . . . from "ole girl". Yep, I got sex advice from a drag queen. I guess I appreciated it. I told them both it was nice to meet them, and then I was on my way. That was way too much.
Let me clarify that I am not makin' fun of him . . . or her, in anyway. I more/less laughin' at how he/she was while drunk. Truth be told, I respect him for havin' the courage to be himself despite all adversity. But yea, that was one wild night that I hope and pray will never be duplicated. If you were there to witness, you won't forget it I bet. If you weren't, well, this story doesn't do it justice. But, I bet you gotta good laugh out of it.
That's all for now, I'm still shook up about that, lol! Til next time, don't be a failure.
Okay, I'm no propaganda the title really was a way to draw you in to see what I had to say. Don't worry, I didn't do it harm or confuse you, I just did it so maybe you would get an idea as to what is really going on. The reason I said black vs. gays, was because as a race, it has been documented and noticed that despite being a heavily oppressed people, we still don't hesitate to judge or oppress others when we get the chance. I think we should be better than that.
Let's call that my preface, here's the backstory: I'm not gay, but I'm not a bad person either. If something is wrong, then I feel like I should say something about it. It doesn't directly effect me, but still, I can have an opinion about it. And now that I think, it does in some way effect me. Because if enough ignorant people can vote to define what marriage is, then who knows what else they could vote for. I didn't know that Proposition 8 effect only California residents, and in their state, same-sex couples cannot marry. That brings the total number of states where this is explicitly barred to 29. Over half of the states in this country are filled with ignorant, I won't say ignorant . . . filled with "mislead" individuals who are not open-minded enough to accept what they do not understand. It is only a matter of time before interracial marriages are barred, and then when its too late to do anything, people will want to do something.
With that said, I feel for these people. You may have friends, or relatives who can say they have a love in their life, but what they have is not real love. There may be something mentally wrong with them, or they're weird, or its just wrong. I'm sure everybody can vouche for the fact that if loving the wrong person is wrong, then we would not want to be right. Again, I say that I am not gay, but what makes they're relationships any more fake than any of mine. I've lied about my feelings for some females I've been with (I am apologetic about that in every way), and I know some straight couples that definitely should not be together. I know some straight couples that shouldn't even have fish let alone raise a child. I will admit, that at the sight of a same-sex couple, there is a double standard. I mean, dudes love lesbians, I'm one of them, yet everyone (most admitted people) cringes at the thought of two dudes. And yes, it is a difficult situation, but yet it IS a situation and its not going away anytime soon. I'm at disbelief at these so-called liberal minded, free thinkers who can sit in front of me and say that homosexuality is a "sin", "wrong", or a "threat to the American family." If anything, I'd say that it should be a lesson to the American family. Remind people what its like to get married for true love, and not just because. I mean, if two men, or two women are willing to lay their reputations on the line, in the face of all adversity for someone they love, then that should be respected.
Of course, the religious aspect of this conversation comes up. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and "Steve". And that joke was funny the first, maybe, 20 times, but now its serious. Christians (usually the people this convo comes up with the most) are the first people to tell you why you are going to hell. I'm not gay, but I'm sure if you ask the right Christians, I'm on my way to hell for something. So, like I said, what makes what I do any different than what same-sex couples do. Because they have sex? Who doesn't have sex? People who are virgins on they're wedding night (me of course lol!), you can count on one hand almost. Or is it just because you are uncomfortable seeing it? Are you confused and because you can't be strong and explain it to the children, they're wrong and not you? I don't understand it. I don't get what two men see in each other. But, I'm ignorant, but I'm not a bad enough person to try and stop two people from doing what they want to do. Being who they want to be, and loving how they want to love. Love is stronger than all of us and somehow, someway, these same-sex couples will go on with or without our votes.
Today, I reached out and opened myself up to anyone who had any questions they may have wanted to ask me about males, from the Gentlemen perspective. I then realized that I could not do that, because I can not speak for all Gentlemen. I can only speak for this Gentleman here, and that is indeed what I'll try my best to do. A good friend of mine came to me with a question, and it'll be my pleasure to attempt to answer. The question reads: SO, guys know girls are emotional and sometimes low-key dramatic...so why do they act all surprised when we act that way!?
I don't think that its all too surprising, I just don't see anyway to prepare for an emotionally dramatic episode. There is no plan of action that works effectively with a relationship problem. You can say this will happen, or that will happen, but that gets lost in the shuffle. Every girl, or at least some I'd assume, will say that they're different than what us, the men, are used to. So when it does happens, it may take us back to those girls we always hear about, or those we may be used to. So, the situation happens, the drama starts, and even the tears my be shed, but hopefully cooler heads will prevail in the end it'll become water under the bridge.
When are guys going to realize that no matter how "cool" a girl is she will never be a dude!? Then they act so surprised when either, one, the girl catches feelings for them or, two, when they get extra possessive. Then they say "Man, she starting to act like a FEMALE"....that because SHE IS!!
I can speak from experience on this situation, I'll admit that it comes up, and looking now I can see the mistakes made. I will say that one of the reason that guys, good guys, probably me and a handful of others, get with a girl is because of her friendship. I realized late that one thing I rarely did when it came to females was enjoy our growing friendship. And often, in a girlfriend or boyfriend, that keyword is dropped. Relationships can eat a person up if there is not a strong foundation somewhere. That foundation is composed of love and friendship. You may have that love, but love can be easily confused with commitment. You may have friendship, but it may only be implied within that title. That love and friendship needs to be genuine. Like no other. For love, that indescribable feeling you have for that person and that friendship, that closeness that gives almost an inner sense of that person undeniably makes that relationship magical. So, when dudes, like myself, find a flaw in the system, it causes a big riff in our mindsets. For we have all these feelings, most of them we can't fully understand, and when that closeness doesn't work in out favor, the problem stops. Its not that we want our girls to be our fellas, but we feel like she is our closest of all friends. When they deny us, she should accept us. When we can't or don't want to talk to them, she should be there with all the understanding, all the answers, and a wisdom similar to that of our mothers (not to be our mothers, but the caring of our mothers). When she "acts like a girl", that hits home with us as well. I know me, myself, I put my lady on high, so I feel that she should be above all those petty issues and situations of that of a normal girl. She is not obligated by it, but blessed with the distinction. So, when I once again realize that she is indeed a girl, I am a bit let down, but my job, as a man, as a gentleman, is to let her know who she is, and who she is to me. My job is to place her back on high, we should work towards out bond yet again.
I hope that I have perhaps shined some light on the subject for you, my friend, and anyone else who may have wanted to know. I do wish all worthy relationships success. Remember to let God in because God is love, and love is the greatest thing in the world. You all have a good night and remember to be a better person.
It's been a little while since the last time I posted a blog. If you've read my work on MySpace, or some time ago on Facebook then you know I try to hit you with a little real, every now and then. I'd like to think of myself as a deep thinker, and hopefully I can give you something to think about. Hopefully I can use this website as a way of gettin' out my thoughts in a way that grabs my readers, and future readers attention. A psychology student, and an aspiring author, I'm hopin' that the more I write, the better I'll write. While I won't ask for comments, you have a right to one, and I'm open to criticism. So, let's get started . . .
Alright, I wanna start off with another congratulations to our new President-Elect Barack Obama. This means a lot to me for several reasons. He's more than a black president, its one of a very few presidents to win the white house on the basis of change. Change that we need, and hopefully change that is more than just a slogan. Also, if you look at his backstory, where he comes from, how he was raised, and the situations he has overcome, he gives me a lot of hope. I believe that if a mixed senator from Chicago, raised in Hawaii, with a father from Kenya can become the President of the United States, the most powerful man of the free world, then I feel like I can do anything. And I don't mean that in a rule-breakin', revenge takin', black power type of anything, but I mean anything I set my mind to. Any successes I thrive hard enough for, can be mine if I work hard enough. This road for President Obama was not easy, not easy at all. And I know things won't be easy for me either. I'm not one to get feelings about things like this, but I am actually proud of the man, I'm proud to be black, I'm proud that I was able to help make history with my vote, and help open doors that were barricaded for us all, until now.
In entertainment news, I wanna start off with some Beyonce' talk. I mean, she is makin' a lot of moves and obviously knows what it takes to stay on top. I can't be mad. I can only be happy for anyone who's not sittin' around complainin' about chances not taken, opportunities missed, and usin' excuses. Anyhow, the new cd droppin' today and I'm sure all the girls, and "single ladies" on they way to cop it soon as it touch the shelves. Me, I may give it a listen if my girls picks it up. I gotta say that she is talkin' to a group of people, and thats evident. Her songs are like women empowerment, and I don't see a thing wrong with that. Its just not what I choose to listen. I wish her all success on the album, and hope that she hits yall with something new, and something yall can bump for years to come. On a downside, I heard that girlie was fightin' for the role of Wonder Woman. Sayin' its time for Wonder Woman to be black, she wants to do a hero movie at the height of their popularity. I personally, think this is a horrible idea. I'd never wish failure on anyone, but I sincerely hope she does not get this role. I mean, 2 reasons: she's not a ground-breakin' performer in front of the camera like that, and Wonder Woman is not black! We got Green Lantern, We got Luke Cage, and we have Bishop and Storm from X-Men, they are all fine. Not everything has to "go black" just because our president is. Changin' Wonder Woman changes everything about the character and deviates away from how it was originally written. I can't support her on this one. Sorry B.
I'll stop for right now, and hit yall up maybe later, or just catch you tomorrow. Hope you enjoyed my little rant, and maybe now a discussion can start amongst you and your friends. Enjoy the day and remember, don't be a failure. That simple.
