Question of the Day

This has really been on my mind lately, and it has taken me some time to come up with what I want to say, and how I would want to say it. I've never been one to care much about celebrity gossip, and before you think I'm going there, think again. Yes, we have all heard the story, different variations and rumors, about two popular, young, talented celebrities intertwined in a domestic abuse situation. My focus initially was the pain I felt for the young woman, the presumed victim, in the situation. I admit, I am also wrong in the way I go about things. But that is my human nature. It was only naturally for me to feel like she was the victim and he was the villain. The mistake is taking sides in a situation in which all the facts are not present. A friend told me that there are always 3 sides to every story: that's her side, his side, and the truth. I don't know the truth, and really don't know either of their sides. My point here today is to give you my side, which is the bigger, broader issue that has arisen here. With that, my question is simply: When is it okay to put your hands violently on a woman?

The short answer (from this Gentleman's perspective of course) is no. It is never alright, acceptable, okay, or even approved to put your hands on the fairer sex. As a gentleman, I can say that, and get cheers and nods of approval from all my female readers. And I wish it were how things really were, but its not. As my male readers are well aware of, some women are begging to be put in their place. There is no way around it. Some women out there are all about causing trouble and are willing to go there with a man just to get that rise out of him. I don't know why, and don't clearly understand how a woman cannot see the signs of how manipulative she's being. How can you go so far as to put your life in danger just because you want your loud and obnoxious point made? You all know, I am a huge fan of The Maury Show. And on most episodes there is a woman on there who claims that the father of her child just might not be the father or her child. And most of the time, that is because she cheated on him. On the flip side, there is always a guy on there who wants to do the right thing and take care of his kids, but a woman who wants to prove that her baby is not his. The strength it takes that man not to level that woman to her knees is beyond me. The point is, there are situations where a woman is asking to be hit, but should we do it? Yes we want to, and we want to see it happen. But no, we cannot.

I always hate hearing those stories about how controlling a man is or needs to be where his lady is not allowed to do or say certain things without his approval. Any mistake, any act of independence on her part angers him, and the only way to restore order to his now "out of control" home is to beat her. In this case, there is nothing at all funny. And my heart goes out to any woman who is abused at any time. I can barely even imagine what it would be like to have someone over me at all times and even the most minor mistakes on my part are punished by punches and kicks . . . if not worse. Imagine always having to explain to family and friends why bruises occur so frequently. Imagine how the children feel having to watch as the person they love the most succumbs to an unjust "punishment" for her actions. What type of affect could that have on their psyche? What if they feel that's the way all women should be treated? I'm here to say that it is not. No one deserves to be treated like a misbehaved animal.

You have to understand, that those women discussed earlier who "have it coming" are not ladies anyway. A real lady knows how to act like a lady and any problems she has she knows how to get her point across. Remember. Any man that puts his hand on a woman to prove his point or restore order in his family is not a real man at all. Real men have an earned respect of being the head of their household where they don't need to prove their dominance through violence. These, for lack of a better word, men are simply cowards. Cowards who are afraid to let their women be themselves because if that was the case, these ladies would realize how much better they could really do.

My conclusion, without taking a side in the celebrity situation, is that at no point should a woman have violent hands placed upon her. In that particular situation, I think we all fall victim to the physical attractiveness stereotype. That is, the belief that attractive individuals possess socially desirable personality traits and lead happier lives than you and I. As we can see, that is not the case. Each side taken falls prey to the belief in that stereotype. People would believe the male involved is innocent (and the female had it coming) because of how much they like him. That would have to be due to his looks because I'm sure most people have not gotten to know him on a personal level. I fall into this category because of the attractiveness of the female involved. To me, I see her as a victim and this attack was unprovoked (or at least not worth her abuse) because I feel she is a better person, though I don't know her personally. Plus, I was wrong in choosing a side without hearing all the facts (still, I won't look at the picture of the result of her abuse and still will not listen to his music or acknowledge his existence). We are human, and emotions run wild for different reasons in different situations. Not everyone can be in control all the time. And for that, I apologize.

I hope what I've said here today finds you well. I tried not to pump anymore gossip into your brains. I'm not a smut pusher, but I felt there was a more important message that needed to be addressed. At their young age, they should not even be at a point in any relationship where violence is involved. We're too young to have to deal with that. And in any relationship, if their is violence then there is obviously an underlying problem that needs to be taken care of. That problem may simply be that the the two of you do not need to be together. And one of you needs professional help. It is not okay to hit a woman, and it is not okay to purposely provoke a man. That is my take on it. Maybe now we can pray in the right way and help bring an end to a sad saga. So, don't be a failure, just walk away.

Typing Out Loud (Bad Day)

It's late, and I don't really feel like goin' to bed right now. I just got off from work and read part of a chapter in my psychology book, so not all my time was wasted. I haven't been feelin' too good lately. Physically I'm fine, I'm just troubled by a lot. I figured I need to get it out because it was torture not havin' anyone to talk with. If you recall from last year, I had some troubles with payin' tuition and disenrollment, and just a bunch of mess from the loand company and the school. Well, it seems like some situations don't go away just because they're resolved (go figure). Today I had to go find out why I wasn't receiving a pay check for the work I had been puttin' in. They told me, that because I hadn't paid my tuition (which I have an extension date on) I am not a registered student and therefore my checks are inactive until they have they're money. Isn't it funny how not only is it a privilege for me to go to school here, but it is also a privilege for me to work here. Anyway, somehow or another (no one I talked to seems to know) I owe the school some back money from Fall semester. The same Fall semester I went through hell to pay for a few months back. Things just always seem to have bad timing for me. I don't know why. Today my father sent me all my mail from home. I get a letter from the loan company saying my application for a loan has been rejected. I don't even know which loan application they're referring to. It's just the symbolism of seeing that, and talking with the nice (sarcasm) people at the administration building. Oh, let's not forget that of course my phone bill is due. I hate T-Mobile. I like they're phones, but hate how they operate. My bill would be due on the in between weeks of me gettin' paid. But, that's probably somehow my fault too. The point of all this is to say that I've had a bad day. This day seems to be the boiling point of everything that I've been thinking about lately.


I'm really confused. Anyone who knows me and anyone in general understands how irritating it is to be constantly confused. Mostly about my faith and things of that nature (ain't it funny how every time we go through something, our faith is questioned?). Like, the hardest part for me is wondering if God, is listening to me of not. I'm not his best child (no matter how I mush I say I am), and I'm not the most religious fanatic on the planet. But I do credit Him for all my success, whether its the material things or the intellectual attributes. I understand that I would not be what I am at all or have what I have if not for Him. But (there's always a "but") the question is am I being unappreciative when I look around and still see all that needs to be better? And I am wrong in praying for better days and better times when I already have so much to be thankful for? Me personally, I don't believe that God holds our blessings over our heads to say, "Well look, I done already gave you this and that. Leave me alone!" That just doesn't seem right, or at least my human faith won't let me see it as such. I feel like I am very thankful for everything, but nothing is easy. Maybe that's my problem. I have so much, but life isn't any easier. There always something else needed. I don't know what it takes to be comfortable in my own skin. I just know that God will undoubtedly have something to do with it. The reoccurring theme of misery seems to be the absence of money. I just want to say that I don't love money, I just can't do the things I love without it. If I had one wish, I'd wish to live in a world where currency was measured by how good of a person I was, rather than what's in my wallet. And the only person who could judge the goodness of a person is . . . that's right, God. But, maybe that's way off base. So, I would go to plan-b and live in a where a world where I was comfortable. I don't need mad cash. I just want to live my life in a way where I don't have to sacrifice one need for another. I hate having to determine whether I need gas for food. I'm sure people are tired of trying to figure out whether to pay the phone bill or the cable bill. Whether to put their kids through school or keep the lights on. It's not fair. And I realize that it is not only me who feels this way. I've probably described many people just now. I don't like being the, "Whoa is me!" type person. But there just comes a time and day where picking yourself up off the ground just seems so much harder than staying there. And today was one of those days.

I have more to say about my religious confusion, but maybe I'll save that for later. I was writing out loud and this is where my mind/heart took me. Either way, I accomplished what I needed to accomplish. I got it off my chest. I hope in some way that I may have touched you or helped but if I haven't I'm sure I can. Only God knows why each of us is here and until I get my answer, I'll be around waiting. But for know, try not to be a failure, even though that might not even be in your hands.

Whatever New Trend it is . . . (Minor Thoughts #5)

Can you consider something a trend if it just keeps happening over and over again? Isn't that called an epidemic? I believe it is. I felt like I should say something because not all adults understand what we (preteens, teens, and young adults) have to deal with on a regular basis. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Try to refrain from my cynical views of people and give them a chance. But I absolutely cannot justify the actions of people who can't seem to understand that being pregnant is not what's hot in the streets! There are a lot of various trends out there. Multiple ways to express your "individuality" by following the group other than having a baby because everyone else seems to have one. Reading this, how many people can you think of that is either pregnant, or has been pregnant before the age of 20? I can think of many, and I'm not judging them for their decisions, I just question their motives.

Before I get told off and cursed out, I want to say that if you are, indeed, 20 or under, and you have made a conscious decision to bring new life into this world by whatever means, then I support you 100%. As long as you can be the best parent to that child and can keep your mind focused on your future, by all means, more power to you. I am talking to those, "Ooops! I'm pregnant!" individuals. The ones who have friends or cousins or people at their school pregnant, yet, not learn anything from the mistakes made. How stupid is that?! How stupid is it to think that it can't happen to you if you choose to use no protection, no contraception, and no morning after pill?! There are too many ways to NOT get pregnant out there for you to claim that you have fallen victim. If you haven't noticed, I just killed the whole "the condom broke" argument, so don't go there with me. Believe me, I am not here trying to convince anyone to be abstinent. Because humans have humans needs. But, why is it that because of your 30 minutes (if you were lucky) of "pleasure" has turned into a lifetime sacrifice? People have heard me say that pregnancy is the worst STD you can get. And I don't say that to say that babies ruin people's lives, but I say that because you could have ruined your life, as well as the babies. Unplanned pregnancy can cause regret, neglect, denial, stress, depression, and many, many other ailments for the rest of that child's life. I couldn't imagine bringing a child into this world with no reasonable means of taking care of it with the full reach of my resources. I never went without, so neither shall my child. I'm getting a good education, and so shall my child. How can you provide your child with what you had when after you had it, your life stopped? You can't give what you never had, but you can point them in the right direction.

So this brings me to my point: This is not new. We have all grown up around babies, seen someone take care of a baby, or even heard about how difficult it is, yet, you still "end-up" pregnant? We are so quick to say that our parents should trust us, and we're smart enough to make the right decisions, yet, when given the chance, we mess up. And I'm starting to think it's not even a mistake anymore. I believe that some people are getting pregnant just because they know someone else is. Pregnant women get attention, they get support (albeit temporary), and they have an everlasting link with that father that got them pregnant. A child is not a tattoo, a child is not that new cell phone, a child is not the new dance, a child is not the newest saying, a child is not the new way we wear our hair, a child is a lifetime commitment to a mistake you made because you thought it would be cool. I'm not here to preach. I'm just wondering if you sincerely wanted to bring life into this world, if it was an honest accident, or if because babies are the newest accessory to our "swag".

You all think about that, and you talk to the younger members of the family that are discovering what we've known for years now. You know how it was, you have an idea of what they're thinking, so please try to help them out a bit. I think I need to take more responsibility with my nieces and nephews and younger cousins, and family friends to let them know the difference between having sex and making love and everything that comes with it. Until next time, for the children's sake, don't be a failure!!!

Dependence

One of the worst feelings that I've ever experienced, and that continues to this day is owing someone something. Needing someone's help because for some reason I just can't do it alone hurts all the way down to my soul. When I need that help, it shows me my imperfections, it shows me where I messed up in life, and here are the consequences. I get short of breath thinking about what I owe people for the help they've given me. I just can't find comfort knowing that my safety net comes at someone else's expense. I hate asking people to come to my aid. Not only does it show them I'm obviously not doing something right, it's also admitting to myself that I'm not where I want to be. I hate it. God knows I hate it. Let me explore the different levels of moods I'm experiencing when thinking about myself as a burden.

College teaches you a lot about who you are as a person. Imagine one of those lessons being exactly how helpless you are. It's pathetic really. I walk around campus everyday talking and listening to people who have nothing to worry about. Their working, their parents have paid their tuitions, and they can go out, have fun and pay for whatever and whoever they want. It's beautiful, but it's depressing. It's depressing in that no matter how much I ask God to make me a person deserving of such high favor, everyday that goes by without that divine intervention (at least financially) shows me that I'm not ready. The kicker, is that not only am I only working on an undergraduate degree, I'm working, but the loans that I've accumulated will have me in debt til death it would seem. So, the outlook upon that point and time where my life turns from dependent to truely independent in nonexistent. So, even though I've accept this fact, I hurt when I have to go to people with my hand out, just to make from one week to the next. I feel so out of place. Since when did education become an rich-man's sport? I have no clue really. I just want to make it to the day where I don't have to ask anyone for anything except their prayers.

So, on top of having to borrow, and ask people for help, imagine finally breaking down to ask, then having them not come through for you. Change of plans, something unexpected has come up, whatever the case maybe. But I've had to battle myself to even utter the words that I need some assistance, then, my hopes are dashed after I was under the impression that everything would be alright. But you know, that's why I have no faith in people. I'm not supposed to, and so I don't. I haven't for a long time now. I've been let down quite often enough to know to always have a back-up plan. But, for the sake of this rant, I mean those times where the back-up plan fails. It's heartbreaking really. I can't explain to you how it feels to lower yourself to ask for someone's help, then they let you down anyway. My point is, I hate depending on other people.

I don't want to come off as an ungrateful person. I thank God all the time for the people, my family, who step in whenever I need them. Not hesitant, but happy to be there and happy I called on them. It's beautiful. I just don't like that they sacrifice on my behalf. It shouldn't be like this. I should have done scholarships, I should have paid attention in high school, and I should have been a child prodigy somehow or another. I can't go back and change that, but I can work my hardest to never ask for a dime again. These loans will be a distant memory. I'm working so hard right now on anything I can to make so that the only person my children have to come to is me. I will have them learn from my mistakes and teach them the value of self-reliance. I can't have them or watch them suffered the ways I've suffered. I would feel like I failure as a parent if that was the case (not saying my parents are failures at all. Because they are not). This is just how I feel. I feel very strongly about this, and I thank you for baring with me. Thank you for all the support, because God knows I appreciate it. I just wish that's all I needed from you. Until next time, don't be a failure. I know I won't.