It's late, and I don't really feel like goin' to bed right now. I just got off from work and read part of a chapter in my psychology book, so not all my time was wasted. I haven't been feelin' too good lately. Physically I'm fine, I'm just troubled by a lot. I figured I need to get it out because it was torture not havin' anyone to talk with. If you recall from last year, I had some troubles with payin' tuition and disenrollment, and just a bunch of mess from the loand company and the school. Well, it seems like some situations don't go away just because they're resolved (go figure). Today I had to go find out why I wasn't receiving a pay check for the work I had been puttin' in. They told me, that because I hadn't paid my tuition (which I have an extension date on) I am not a registered student and therefore my checks are inactive until they have they're money. Isn't it funny how not only is it a privilege for me to go to school here, but it is also a privilege for me to work here. Anyway, somehow or another (no one I talked to seems to know) I owe the school some back money from Fall semester. The same Fall semester I went through hell to pay for a few months back. Things just always seem to have bad timing for me. I don't know why. Today my father sent me all my mail from home. I get a letter from the loan company saying my application for a loan has been rejected. I don't even know which loan application they're referring to. It's just the symbolism of seeing that, and talking with the nice (sarcasm) people at the administration building. Oh, let's not forget that of course my phone bill is due. I hate T-Mobile. I like they're phones, but hate how they operate. My bill would be due on the in between weeks of me gettin' paid. But, that's probably somehow my fault too. The point of all this is to say that I've had a bad day. This day seems to be the boiling point of everything that I've been thinking about lately.
I'm really confused. Anyone who knows me and anyone in general understands how irritating it is to be constantly confused. Mostly about my faith and things of that nature (ain't it funny how every time we go through something, our faith is questioned?). Like, the hardest part for me is wondering if God, is listening to me of not. I'm not his best child (no matter how I mush I say I am), and I'm not the most religious fanatic on the planet. But I do credit Him for all my success, whether its the material things or the intellectual attributes. I understand that I would not be what I am at all or have what I have if not for Him. But (there's always a "but") the question is am I being unappreciative when I look around and still see all that needs to be better? And I am wrong in praying for better days and better times when I already have so much to be thankful for? Me personally, I don't believe that God holds our blessings over our heads to say, "Well look, I done already gave you this and that. Leave me alone!" That just doesn't seem right, or at least my human faith won't let me see it as such. I feel like I am very thankful for everything, but nothing is easy. Maybe that's my problem. I have so much, but life isn't any easier. There always something else needed. I don't know what it takes to be comfortable in my own skin. I just know that God will undoubtedly have something to do with it. The reoccurring theme of misery seems to be the absence of money. I just want to say that I don't love money, I just can't do the things I love without it. If I had one wish, I'd wish to live in a world where currency was measured by how good of a person I was, rather than what's in my wallet. And the only person who could judge the goodness of a person is . . . that's right, God. But, maybe that's way off base. So, I would go to plan-b and live in a where a world where I was comfortable. I don't need mad cash. I just want to live my life in a way where I don't have to sacrifice one need for another. I hate having to determine whether I need gas for food. I'm sure people are tired of trying to figure out whether to pay the phone bill or the cable bill. Whether to put their kids through school or keep the lights on. It's not fair. And I realize that it is not only me who feels this way. I've probably described many people just now. I don't like being the, "Whoa is me!" type person. But there just comes a time and day where picking yourself up off the ground just seems so much harder than staying there. And today was one of those days.
I have more to say about my religious confusion, but maybe I'll save that for later. I was writing out loud and this is where my mind/heart took me. Either way, I accomplished what I needed to accomplish. I got it off my chest. I hope in some way that I may have touched you or helped but if I haven't I'm sure I can. Only God knows why each of us is here and until I get my answer, I'll be around waiting. But for know, try not to be a failure, even though that might not even be in your hands.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Whatever New Trend it is . . . (Minor Thoughts #5)
Can you consider something a trend if it just keeps happening over and over again? Isn't that called an epidemic? I believe it is. I felt like I should say something because not all adults understand what we (preteens, teens, and young adults) have to deal with on a regular basis. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Try to refrain from my cynical views of people and give them a chance. But I absolutely cannot justify the actions of people who can't seem to understand that being pregnant is not what's hot in the streets! There are a lot of various trends out there. Multiple ways to express your "individuality" by following the group other than having a baby because everyone else seems to have one. Reading this, how many people can you think of that is either pregnant, or has been pregnant before the age of 20? I can think of many, and I'm not judging them for their decisions, I just question their motives.
Before I get told off and cursed out, I want to say that if you are, indeed, 20 or under, and you have made a conscious decision to bring new life into this world by whatever means, then I support you 100%. As long as you can be the best parent to that child and can keep your mind focused on your future, by all means, more power to you. I am talking to those, "Ooops! I'm pregnant!" individuals. The ones who have friends or cousins or people at their school pregnant, yet, not learn anything from the mistakes made. How stupid is that?! How stupid is it to think that it can't happen to you if you choose to use no protection, no contraception, and no morning after pill?! There are too many ways to NOT get pregnant out there for you to claim that you have fallen victim. If you haven't noticed, I just killed the whole "the condom broke" argument, so don't go there with me. Believe me, I am not here trying to convince anyone to be abstinent. Because humans have humans needs. But, why is it that because of your 30 minutes (if you were lucky) of "pleasure" has turned into a lifetime sacrifice? People have heard me say that pregnancy is the worst STD you can get. And I don't say that to say that babies ruin people's lives, but I say that because you could have ruined your life, as well as the babies. Unplanned pregnancy can cause regret, neglect, denial, stress, depression, and many, many other ailments for the rest of that child's life. I couldn't imagine bringing a child into this world with no reasonable means of taking care of it with the full reach of my resources. I never went without, so neither shall my child. I'm getting a good education, and so shall my child. How can you provide your child with what you had when after you had it, your life stopped? You can't give what you never had, but you can point them in the right direction.
So this brings me to my point: This is not new. We have all grown up around babies, seen someone take care of a baby, or even heard about how difficult it is, yet, you still "end-up" pregnant? We are so quick to say that our parents should trust us, and we're smart enough to make the right decisions, yet, when given the chance, we mess up. And I'm starting to think it's not even a mistake anymore. I believe that some people are getting pregnant just because they know someone else is. Pregnant women get attention, they get support (albeit temporary), and they have an everlasting link with that father that got them pregnant. A child is not a tattoo, a child is not that new cell phone, a child is not the new dance, a child is not the newest saying, a child is not the new way we wear our hair, a child is a lifetime commitment to a mistake you made because you thought it would be cool. I'm not here to preach. I'm just wondering if you sincerely wanted to bring life into this world, if it was an honest accident, or if because babies are the newest accessory to our "swag".
You all think about that, and you talk to the younger members of the family that are discovering what we've known for years now. You know how it was, you have an idea of what they're thinking, so please try to help them out a bit. I think I need to take more responsibility with my nieces and nephews and younger cousins, and family friends to let them know the difference between having sex and making love and everything that comes with it. Until next time, for the children's sake, don't be a failure!!!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Dependence
One of the worst feelings that I've ever experienced, and that continues to this day is owing someone something. Needing someone's help because for some reason I just can't do it alone hurts all the way down to my soul. When I need that help, it shows me my imperfections, it shows me where I messed up in life, and here are the consequences. I get short of breath thinking about what I owe people for the help they've given me. I just can't find comfort knowing that my safety net comes at someone else's expense. I hate asking people to come to my aid. Not only does it show them I'm obviously not doing something right, it's also admitting to myself that I'm not where I want to be. I hate it. God knows I hate it. Let me explore the different levels of moods I'm experiencing when thinking about myself as a burden.
College teaches you a lot about who you are as a person. Imagine one of those lessons being exactly how helpless you are. It's pathetic really. I walk around campus everyday talking and listening to people who have nothing to worry about. Their working, their parents have paid their tuitions, and they can go out, have fun and pay for whatever and whoever they want. It's beautiful, but it's depressing. It's depressing in that no matter how much I ask God to make me a person deserving of such high favor, everyday that goes by without that divine intervention (at least financially) shows me that I'm not ready. The kicker, is that not only am I only working on an undergraduate degree, I'm working, but the loans that I've accumulated will have me in debt til death it would seem. So, the outlook upon that point and time where my life turns from dependent to truely independent in nonexistent. So, even though I've accept this fact, I hurt when I have to go to people with my hand out, just to make from one week to the next. I feel so out of place. Since when did education become an rich-man's sport? I have no clue really. I just want to make it to the day where I don't have to ask anyone for anything except their prayers.
So, on top of having to borrow, and ask people for help, imagine finally breaking down to ask, then having them not come through for you. Change of plans, something unexpected has come up, whatever the case maybe. But I've had to battle myself to even utter the words that I need some assistance, then, my hopes are dashed after I was under the impression that everything would be alright. But you know, that's why I have no faith in people. I'm not supposed to, and so I don't. I haven't for a long time now. I've been let down quite often enough to know to always have a back-up plan. But, for the sake of this rant, I mean those times where the back-up plan fails. It's heartbreaking really. I can't explain to you how it feels to lower yourself to ask for someone's help, then they let you down anyway. My point is, I hate depending on other people.
I don't want to come off as an ungrateful person. I thank God all the time for the people, my family, who step in whenever I need them. Not hesitant, but happy to be there and happy I called on them. It's beautiful. I just don't like that they sacrifice on my behalf. It shouldn't be like this. I should have done scholarships, I should have paid attention in high school, and I should have been a child prodigy somehow or another. I can't go back and change that, but I can work my hardest to never ask for a dime again. These loans will be a distant memory. I'm working so hard right now on anything I can to make so that the only person my children have to come to is me. I will have them learn from my mistakes and teach them the value of self-reliance. I can't have them or watch them suffered the ways I've suffered. I would feel like I failure as a parent if that was the case (not saying my parents are failures at all. Because they are not). This is just how I feel. I feel very strongly about this, and I thank you for baring with me. Thank you for all the support, because God knows I appreciate it. I just wish that's all I needed from you. Until next time, don't be a failure. I know I won't.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The Gentleman Update (1/22/2009)
Hello people. I want to apologize for not keepin' in touch. Let me explain the scenario. As many of you may know, my laptop was pissin' me off to the highest extent, so I basically dropped it off at Best Buy and let them have their way with it. They said it would take about 4 weeks to repair, but I didn't care. I asked myself, what's better: To have something that doesn't work, or to not have it at all? If you are like me, you probably realize it's the same thing, so that was that.
I finished buying my books today. I had a little transition this week and part of late last week where I had to make some drastic changes. I realized that taking journalism classes wouldn't benefit me in the type of writing that I want to do. I had to take specific writing and English classes. It's a lot of reading, and now a lot of writing, I have yet to feel much pressure. I'm trying to just stick with it because I finally feel like I'm taking classes that benefit me, and not me paying to benefit the school. I'm also trying to stay positive about everything that happens because I asked for this, and now I will accept it.
Speaking of asking for new things, I guess I'm in the stages of getting those new things. As I said earlier, my laptop was pretty much useless when I dropped it off, and on yesterday, my TV died. Completely. I turned it off, and it never came back on. But, I'm not terribly upset. I had been complaining about both, you know, being increasingly ungrateful and what-not, and now I have neither. I'm feeling like in order to honestly need something, you have to be without something. I had been trying to find ways of asking God for a new television and laptop for awhile, but I didn't honestly need either. My laptop still worked and my TV still had a somewhat clear picture. So I was thankful for that. And I didn't want to go to God with a list like Santa Claus and waste his time on my petty grievances. Looks like He's beginning to work things out for me anyway, since now I honestly do need both. And if I do receive both I'll be thankful, not for the possessions but for the fact that the Lord heard me even when I didn't know what to say.
This week was a great week in history that gave me pride. I try not to have pride about a lot because I heard somewhere that being too prideful could be a bad thing, and because I haven't read enough about that, I just keep it on hold before I take a stance. However, I feel like these achievements can't be taken away now. This transcends being black, or liberal, or Democrat. This is history being made. And no matter how many times it has been said, we all know now that we can do anything we set our minds to. I feel pride that my vote helped changed the world and helped make history.
I do apologize that this was more a journal entry, as compared to a blog of some importance or stated opinion. I'm just trying to get my timing under control, and do things that takes advantage of all that time. Thank you for reading, and I promise I'm not neglecting my responsibilities here (improving the quality of my writing and the practice of getting out my thoughts). I'm just working with limited resources at the moment. If you can, keep my in your prayers and I'll return the favor. Until next time, feel the pride that's going around, and don't be a failure. Really, there's no reason you should be anymore.
I finished buying my books today. I had a little transition this week and part of late last week where I had to make some drastic changes. I realized that taking journalism classes wouldn't benefit me in the type of writing that I want to do. I had to take specific writing and English classes. It's a lot of reading, and now a lot of writing, I have yet to feel much pressure. I'm trying to just stick with it because I finally feel like I'm taking classes that benefit me, and not me paying to benefit the school. I'm also trying to stay positive about everything that happens because I asked for this, and now I will accept it.
Speaking of asking for new things, I guess I'm in the stages of getting those new things. As I said earlier, my laptop was pretty much useless when I dropped it off, and on yesterday, my TV died. Completely. I turned it off, and it never came back on. But, I'm not terribly upset. I had been complaining about both, you know, being increasingly ungrateful and what-not, and now I have neither. I'm feeling like in order to honestly need something, you have to be without something. I had been trying to find ways of asking God for a new television and laptop for awhile, but I didn't honestly need either. My laptop still worked and my TV still had a somewhat clear picture. So I was thankful for that. And I didn't want to go to God with a list like Santa Claus and waste his time on my petty grievances. Looks like He's beginning to work things out for me anyway, since now I honestly do need both. And if I do receive both I'll be thankful, not for the possessions but for the fact that the Lord heard me even when I didn't know what to say.
This week was a great week in history that gave me pride. I try not to have pride about a lot because I heard somewhere that being too prideful could be a bad thing, and because I haven't read enough about that, I just keep it on hold before I take a stance. However, I feel like these achievements can't be taken away now. This transcends being black, or liberal, or Democrat. This is history being made. And no matter how many times it has been said, we all know now that we can do anything we set our minds to. I feel pride that my vote helped changed the world and helped make history.
I do apologize that this was more a journal entry, as compared to a blog of some importance or stated opinion. I'm just trying to get my timing under control, and do things that takes advantage of all that time. Thank you for reading, and I promise I'm not neglecting my responsibilities here (improving the quality of my writing and the practice of getting out my thoughts). I'm just working with limited resources at the moment. If you can, keep my in your prayers and I'll return the favor. Until next time, feel the pride that's going around, and don't be a failure. Really, there's no reason you should be anymore.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Question of the Day
Today's question is pretty simple, actually a default question, one of the simplest questions to ask, but not as easy to answer. Here goes: Hey Jeron, How are you?
The last two weeks have been sort of a blur to me. I feel like I've been in the midst of a storm that has yet to blow over. It may just be the inches upon inches of snow that seem to fall, plus the arctic blast that Michigan was hit with, as if we needed it. But, it's more than that. I've been gettin' hit from every direction with some issue or something to worry about. I have a headache tryin' to recall the things that has me here before you this evening. I'll start by sayin' I have learned something from my trials, and that the storm has yet to cease. So thus far, I've tried to pick up on any positives I could.
We'll start with last Thursday, when me and and the family were on our way to go bowling. We were supposed to meet some of the other fam up there too, and since it was my last week at home, we decided to go despite the weather. And also, I just needed to get out of the house. I loved not havin' anything to do, but I also like doin' things when it is I who decides to do them, not them being required, you know? Anyway, we're drivin' up Hoover, headed toward the bowling alley, when all of a sudden, we notice this huge hole, almost like a crater, appears seconds before my car heads dead into it. Luckily, Imari sees it less than a second before impact, and I'd like to think that the small time I had to swerve around it saved me from worse damage. Well, I lost two tires for that time being. The front and rear tires on the passenger side had bent rims. Not just any bent rims, but Volvo bent rims. Meaning, it wouldn't be an easy fix. And it wasn't. It took days before we could find anyone who could fix. The few places we went said they would have to break them, the re-weld them, but because they were aluminum that made it more difficult. The one place that could them, offered to take them to a place that would take about and cost roughly $90. I forgot what all the costs went towards, but it was money I didn't have. Luckily my dad was willing to help me out a lot. So, the next day, when the tires we're supposed to be done, we found out that the place that could fix them was closed due to the weather. The Weather?!? The reason why people need car repairs is the reason why the repair shop is closed? Are you serious?! Oh well, first day of class missed. Oh yea, not before I also couldn't make it to church that Sunday. It upsets me to miss church when I actually need words of encouragement. The way that situation ended was that on Monday, the tires were ready, and we put them on minutes before I hit the highway to head back to school. My only relief from the whole incident is thinking about how it could have been worse . . .
For some reason, my computer decides to come on with major hardware issues. I only found that out by multiple restarts, and disk checks, and trips to the Gateway website. I ran a virus scan (which was interrupted by freezing and restarting), then eventually did a system recovery. After an hour messing with that, it finally came back on and I had to re-install everything and blah blah blah! So, after a while, wouldn't you know it, it froze-up and restarted itself. Anything I did or wanted to do, eventually, it would freeze and restart. Even now, back at school, it's still on the fritz. I plan on taking it to Best Buy and pray whats wrong can't be fixed. My service plan guarantees at least one replacement, and to date I haven't had one. It's been a little over 2 years, and until now I haven't had any major problems with it. I have talked to other people who constantly have issues with their Gateway computer. Tokie did, Sondra does, and now mine has finally disappointed me. I'm very thankful that I'm able to stay on and do the small things I'm used to, but it's time for an upgrade. Wear and tear, and physical damage seems inevitable when you use your laptop for EVERYTHING! So, I'm thankful for this one, but it's time for a new one. I'm thinking about, somehow or another, getting a HP computer. Tokie's is sweet! I'll just keep believing that where there's a will, there's a way.
Back at school, I knew it wouldn't take long before it all hit the fan (my veterans should know what usually hits the fan). I get back to my room, plug in all my electronics, and my TV wouldn't stay on. Almost like it couldn't keep a charge. I had to just have it plugged in for about 30 minutes, before turning it on or changing the channel (because that killed my power too). Looks like it's time for a new television too. I understand that though, I've had this computer for years. It's been moved back and forth from home to school more times than TVs should be moved and maneuvered. Also, where there is a will, there is a way, at least that's my belief.
My first day of classes started at 8:30am. Surprisingly, that wasn't the worse of my day. The worse part came from my next two classes that have, at this point, been dropped and switched. Each professor demanded too much time, and neither class held my interest. Actually, neither offered me anything to expand my mind. American Studies is entirely too broad a subject to cover in that one class, which seems like the reading and writing would have driven me crazy. Plus, the professor told us that her class would require 13.5 out of the 14 hours we should study per week. So yea, that class got ditched. Then Journalism. That class was 2 hours and 50 minutes, with a professor who couldn't hear well, and talked on and on to the point where I forgot what the question was. The whole class was about newspapers, where within the first 5 minutes of being there, he told us that he was afraid in about 5 years, newspapers wouldn't exist. Yea, what was the point? Besides, reporting and research writing aren't the types of writing I'm interested in. I got out of those classes as fast as I could. I'm currently taking Inventions in Writing, which really seems interesting, and I'm still trying to find another English class to fill the void left by journalism. Wish me luck.
Yea, it's been a ride. TV, computer, and even at one point, my car all breaking down at once. Also, I won't pay for this semester of school until February, which means no refund check, and no books until February. But luckily, I'm looking on Amazon.com and allmsu.com where I'm buying from other students. And my sister has offered to help me buy some, so that's some help I really needed. I'm trying to stick with my New Year's pledge to just Breathe, Believe. But it's hard being optimistic when everything around you seems to be falling. But, I guess when you have no choice but to endure, what do you do? It's late, so I need to go. 8:30am class tomorrow. Exciting, right? Until next time, pray for me, I'll pray for you, and you avoid being a failure.
The last two weeks have been sort of a blur to me. I feel like I've been in the midst of a storm that has yet to blow over. It may just be the inches upon inches of snow that seem to fall, plus the arctic blast that Michigan was hit with, as if we needed it. But, it's more than that. I've been gettin' hit from every direction with some issue or something to worry about. I have a headache tryin' to recall the things that has me here before you this evening. I'll start by sayin' I have learned something from my trials, and that the storm has yet to cease. So thus far, I've tried to pick up on any positives I could.
We'll start with last Thursday, when me and and the family were on our way to go bowling. We were supposed to meet some of the other fam up there too, and since it was my last week at home, we decided to go despite the weather. And also, I just needed to get out of the house. I loved not havin' anything to do, but I also like doin' things when it is I who decides to do them, not them being required, you know? Anyway, we're drivin' up Hoover, headed toward the bowling alley, when all of a sudden, we notice this huge hole, almost like a crater, appears seconds before my car heads dead into it. Luckily, Imari sees it less than a second before impact, and I'd like to think that the small time I had to swerve around it saved me from worse damage. Well, I lost two tires for that time being. The front and rear tires on the passenger side had bent rims. Not just any bent rims, but Volvo bent rims. Meaning, it wouldn't be an easy fix. And it wasn't. It took days before we could find anyone who could fix. The few places we went said they would have to break them, the re-weld them, but because they were aluminum that made it more difficult. The one place that could them, offered to take them to a place that would take about and cost roughly $90. I forgot what all the costs went towards, but it was money I didn't have. Luckily my dad was willing to help me out a lot. So, the next day, when the tires we're supposed to be done, we found out that the place that could fix them was closed due to the weather. The Weather?!? The reason why people need car repairs is the reason why the repair shop is closed? Are you serious?! Oh well, first day of class missed. Oh yea, not before I also couldn't make it to church that Sunday. It upsets me to miss church when I actually need words of encouragement. The way that situation ended was that on Monday, the tires were ready, and we put them on minutes before I hit the highway to head back to school. My only relief from the whole incident is thinking about how it could have been worse . . .
For some reason, my computer decides to come on with major hardware issues. I only found that out by multiple restarts, and disk checks, and trips to the Gateway website. I ran a virus scan (which was interrupted by freezing and restarting), then eventually did a system recovery. After an hour messing with that, it finally came back on and I had to re-install everything and blah blah blah! So, after a while, wouldn't you know it, it froze-up and restarted itself. Anything I did or wanted to do, eventually, it would freeze and restart. Even now, back at school, it's still on the fritz. I plan on taking it to Best Buy and pray whats wrong can't be fixed. My service plan guarantees at least one replacement, and to date I haven't had one. It's been a little over 2 years, and until now I haven't had any major problems with it. I have talked to other people who constantly have issues with their Gateway computer. Tokie did, Sondra does, and now mine has finally disappointed me. I'm very thankful that I'm able to stay on and do the small things I'm used to, but it's time for an upgrade. Wear and tear, and physical damage seems inevitable when you use your laptop for EVERYTHING! So, I'm thankful for this one, but it's time for a new one. I'm thinking about, somehow or another, getting a HP computer. Tokie's is sweet! I'll just keep believing that where there's a will, there's a way.
Back at school, I knew it wouldn't take long before it all hit the fan (my veterans should know what usually hits the fan). I get back to my room, plug in all my electronics, and my TV wouldn't stay on. Almost like it couldn't keep a charge. I had to just have it plugged in for about 30 minutes, before turning it on or changing the channel (because that killed my power too). Looks like it's time for a new television too. I understand that though, I've had this computer for years. It's been moved back and forth from home to school more times than TVs should be moved and maneuvered. Also, where there is a will, there is a way, at least that's my belief.
My first day of classes started at 8:30am. Surprisingly, that wasn't the worse of my day. The worse part came from my next two classes that have, at this point, been dropped and switched. Each professor demanded too much time, and neither class held my interest. Actually, neither offered me anything to expand my mind. American Studies is entirely too broad a subject to cover in that one class, which seems like the reading and writing would have driven me crazy. Plus, the professor told us that her class would require 13.5 out of the 14 hours we should study per week. So yea, that class got ditched. Then Journalism. That class was 2 hours and 50 minutes, with a professor who couldn't hear well, and talked on and on to the point where I forgot what the question was. The whole class was about newspapers, where within the first 5 minutes of being there, he told us that he was afraid in about 5 years, newspapers wouldn't exist. Yea, what was the point? Besides, reporting and research writing aren't the types of writing I'm interested in. I got out of those classes as fast as I could. I'm currently taking Inventions in Writing, which really seems interesting, and I'm still trying to find another English class to fill the void left by journalism. Wish me luck.
Yea, it's been a ride. TV, computer, and even at one point, my car all breaking down at once. Also, I won't pay for this semester of school until February, which means no refund check, and no books until February. But luckily, I'm looking on Amazon.com and allmsu.com where I'm buying from other students. And my sister has offered to help me buy some, so that's some help I really needed. I'm trying to stick with my New Year's pledge to just Breathe, Believe. But it's hard being optimistic when everything around you seems to be falling. But, I guess when you have no choice but to endure, what do you do? It's late, so I need to go. 8:30am class tomorrow. Exciting, right? Until next time, pray for me, I'll pray for you, and you avoid being a failure.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
"Kwame A River"
I'm on my way back to sleep, it's late on a Monday night / early Tuesday morning and I really have no business up. But, of course, I'm up surfin' around, lookin' at some news, and I found some. It may not be the latest, but it's a story I heard that I thought would just be a joke. Apparently, they were serious. According to Fox 2 news Detroit website:
Me personally, I'm not laughing. I'm sitting here, wondering how long before mean in all black SUV's pull up outside the Second City-Detroit stage and have a few "conversations" with the actors. I understand tryin' to light of a bad situation, but this is just a poor attempt to make more fun of a man and the city he once represented. Do they really think that because they're fro Detroit that makes it better? That's like a white guy telling a racist joke and because one black person laugh, it's alright for them all to laugh. I've been in Detroit all my life, and only now do I want to do something about the way things are goin'. But, politics are not for me. Makin' contributions to worthy causes, that's me. Standin' up for what I believe is best for the city, that's me. Returnin' after college to be an example of the good within Detroit, that's me. Those little things in themselves may not seem like much, but let enough people realize the inevitability of this situation, and we may be able to do something before it's too late.
Kwame Kilpatrick became Detroit's youngest mayor when elected in 2001. Kilpatrick beat out Gil Hill and Freman Hendrix to secure two successful terms and Detroit mayor. In that time, most of what the mayor did for the city was trampled by malicious scandals and bad press. Not to sugarcoat anything, Kilpatrick was embroiled in the Manoogian Mansion party controversy, the murder of Tamara Greene, Whistleblower trial (where police officers claimed to be fired due to an internal investigation of the mayor), and the infamous Text-messaging scandal with chief of staff Christine Beatty. It's not my place to give my personal opinion about any of these issues, due to the fact that I don't know all the facts. When I have the time I will look closer into each of these and take a stance on them. For now, I will say that the longer these things continue to be a factor, Detroit will be on the receiving in of high criticism and lost hope. You can call him the "Hip-Hop mayor", like hip-hop implies unsuccessful, if you want to, but I call him an example. A good and bad example of how you should feel about where you come from. See, I have a personal stake in this somehow because the former mayor always reminded me of my brother-in-law. Not in how he looked or anything, but how he carried himself. A younger man, with a business savvy who knew how to handle his business. That's how I look at my bro. He's a deacon, and makes bein' a deacon seem cool. Just as Kwame made bein' mayor seem like the right thing to do. So with that, Kwame gave me ambition to not just talk about makin' a difference, but bein' about it (excluding any illegal business that may or may not have taken place.)
Anyway, I'm done for now. On a related note, Christine Beatty began her 120 day sentence for lying under oath on yesterday. The former mayor is expected to have completed his jail sentencing sometime in February. Awaiting him is 5 more years of probation, after time, only then will be able to ever run for any office again. But honestly, there are two reasons I'd never run for anything else if I were him. Once reason is because I know I would be disappointed because of the lack of respect, and the other is because my colleagues would not trust me nor any of my decisions. That's okay. People like this always seem to bounce back from adversity somehow or another. I heard some black people tell me once, "You can't keep a good nigga down!" Maybe that's the high point of all this, and if so, at least there is a high point. Until next time, everyone, please, do not be a failure!
"Kwame A River" is an original play satirizing Kwame Kilpatrick's tenure as Mayor of Detroit. It is a hilarious spoof that answers the questions you've always wanted to know about Kilpatrick's time as mayor, from security guards to stripper parties.
"Kwame a River" features dozens of local characters that will be familiar to Detroiters, from Kwame scandal icons like Christine Beatty, Carlita Kilpatrick and Mike Cox to Detroit cultural icons like Carmen Harlen, Chuck Gadica, Huel Perkins, Bill Bonds, Mel Farr, and attorney Sam Bernstein.
"Kwame a River" comically exposes the secret meeting where Kwame seduced Gov. Jennifer Granholm to stay in office, the advice Kwame was given by Dennis Archer and the ghost of Coleman A. Young, the anger management session that Kwame took his security force to, and the rumored party at the Manoogian mansion.
Me personally, I'm not laughing. I'm sitting here, wondering how long before mean in all black SUV's pull up outside the Second City-Detroit stage and have a few "conversations" with the actors. I understand tryin' to light of a bad situation, but this is just a poor attempt to make more fun of a man and the city he once represented. Do they really think that because they're fro Detroit that makes it better? That's like a white guy telling a racist joke and because one black person laugh, it's alright for them all to laugh. I've been in Detroit all my life, and only now do I want to do something about the way things are goin'. But, politics are not for me. Makin' contributions to worthy causes, that's me. Standin' up for what I believe is best for the city, that's me. Returnin' after college to be an example of the good within Detroit, that's me. Those little things in themselves may not seem like much, but let enough people realize the inevitability of this situation, and we may be able to do something before it's too late.
Kwame Kilpatrick became Detroit's youngest mayor when elected in 2001. Kilpatrick beat out Gil Hill and Freman Hendrix to secure two successful terms and Detroit mayor. In that time, most of what the mayor did for the city was trampled by malicious scandals and bad press. Not to sugarcoat anything, Kilpatrick was embroiled in the Manoogian Mansion party controversy, the murder of Tamara Greene, Whistleblower trial (where police officers claimed to be fired due to an internal investigation of the mayor), and the infamous Text-messaging scandal with chief of staff Christine Beatty. It's not my place to give my personal opinion about any of these issues, due to the fact that I don't know all the facts. When I have the time I will look closer into each of these and take a stance on them. For now, I will say that the longer these things continue to be a factor, Detroit will be on the receiving in of high criticism and lost hope. You can call him the "Hip-Hop mayor", like hip-hop implies unsuccessful, if you want to, but I call him an example. A good and bad example of how you should feel about where you come from. See, I have a personal stake in this somehow because the former mayor always reminded me of my brother-in-law. Not in how he looked or anything, but how he carried himself. A younger man, with a business savvy who knew how to handle his business. That's how I look at my bro. He's a deacon, and makes bein' a deacon seem cool. Just as Kwame made bein' mayor seem like the right thing to do. So with that, Kwame gave me ambition to not just talk about makin' a difference, but bein' about it (excluding any illegal business that may or may not have taken place.)
Anyway, I'm done for now. On a related note, Christine Beatty began her 120 day sentence for lying under oath on yesterday. The former mayor is expected to have completed his jail sentencing sometime in February. Awaiting him is 5 more years of probation, after time, only then will be able to ever run for any office again. But honestly, there are two reasons I'd never run for anything else if I were him. Once reason is because I know I would be disappointed because of the lack of respect, and the other is because my colleagues would not trust me nor any of my decisions. That's okay. People like this always seem to bounce back from adversity somehow or another. I heard some black people tell me once, "You can't keep a good nigga down!" Maybe that's the high point of all this, and if so, at least there is a high point. Until next time, everyone, please, do not be a failure!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
2009 - Completion (Minor Thoughts #4)
Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all enjoyed the holidays and they were blessed and filled with good memories. This is my first blog of the new year, and I don't have any direction in particular, so I decided to write out loud. Here goes:
I had a really good time at Watch Night service. It's an annual thing where we go to church and pray in the new year. I remember one year we burned everything we wanted to leave in the previous year. That was great. I burned my report card. I wanted to leave bad grades (and maybe college) in the old year. We didn't do that this year, but we did have a well-organized program. It was put together by the pastor's daughter and my sister, Tamika, who also emceed the event. I thought it would be like the typical service where every clergy member would preach for about 15 minutes, the choir would sing, then we'd have altar prayer. But, this year, the clergy had good messages, we had the introduction of our new Mime Ministry, Victorious Music Ministry headed by my cousin RJ showed up and even my mama walked in early from work to get prayed up. It was great. A part of me wants to join the choir, but the other part remembers that I really can't sing. So, my excuse will be that I have to go back to school. Maybe next year. I got to go see a good friend of mine before service and I made up with my bay, so as to go into the new year with a better attitude. I closed '08 with good feeling (after we prayed, of course) and only hope to go higher in '09.
2008 was a blessing in itself for me. 2007 was a horrible year for me. I went through a lot. A lot of stuff that I didn't think I would make it through, but learned a lot from. A lot of book material came from that year. So when the new year got year, I realized I had made it, barely, but I was there. It was my sigh of relief, it was my new beginning. New love, new outlook, and new attitude. And as for every new year, I look back and see what problems I need to get rid of, and what new direction I can take for my betterment. In 2009, I'm looking forward to taking the good year of 2008 and ride that momentum into success. I want my book published before this year is over! I'm tired of talking about it, I want to get started and tell this story that has been placed on me. All my details haven't been hammered out yet, but I expect a lot of progress because small progress is not an option. Everyone sits and talks about what they should do, or what they could do, and I want to talk about what I've done. I told myself I wanted to write a book and I wrote one And it sold well. And I've paid back some college loans, and I've bought me something to reward myself and I'm working on the second book. My New Year's resolution is to breathe, then believe. That's all I can do. Something heavy comes my way, I just have to take it head on, breathe about it, then believe that it will get better, or something good will come from it. Also, this year, you won't hear me say "I don't have any money." See, that reality will manifest itself, and I don't need that. My thing is, either I do and don't want to give it to you, or I don't, and I'll say I'm working on it. But never will I say, "I don't have . . ." It's, "I'm going to get it" or "I'm working on it." In 2008 I wanted God to make me a better person, in 2009 I will be that better person. No more excuses for me because I've more than enough chances and more than enough opportunities to do things right, where now, I just will. Don't wish me luck, just keep me positive.
The number 8 (2008) represented new beginnings, and the number 9 (2009) symbolizes completions. I began again in 2008 and this year I will complete what I have started. I have big things planned for myself and others this year. Changes for the better because the worse doesn't exist to me. I hope you all can take something I've said and hold on to it. This is a different tone than you're used to from me, but I feel like something needed to be said. Everyone stay blessed, and continue to not be failures!
I had a really good time at Watch Night service. It's an annual thing where we go to church and pray in the new year. I remember one year we burned everything we wanted to leave in the previous year. That was great. I burned my report card. I wanted to leave bad grades (and maybe college) in the old year. We didn't do that this year, but we did have a well-organized program. It was put together by the pastor's daughter and my sister, Tamika, who also emceed the event. I thought it would be like the typical service where every clergy member would preach for about 15 minutes, the choir would sing, then we'd have altar prayer. But, this year, the clergy had good messages, we had the introduction of our new Mime Ministry, Victorious Music Ministry headed by my cousin RJ showed up and even my mama walked in early from work to get prayed up. It was great. A part of me wants to join the choir, but the other part remembers that I really can't sing. So, my excuse will be that I have to go back to school. Maybe next year. I got to go see a good friend of mine before service and I made up with my bay, so as to go into the new year with a better attitude. I closed '08 with good feeling (after we prayed, of course) and only hope to go higher in '09.
2008 was a blessing in itself for me. 2007 was a horrible year for me. I went through a lot. A lot of stuff that I didn't think I would make it through, but learned a lot from. A lot of book material came from that year. So when the new year got year, I realized I had made it, barely, but I was there. It was my sigh of relief, it was my new beginning. New love, new outlook, and new attitude. And as for every new year, I look back and see what problems I need to get rid of, and what new direction I can take for my betterment. In 2009, I'm looking forward to taking the good year of 2008 and ride that momentum into success. I want my book published before this year is over! I'm tired of talking about it, I want to get started and tell this story that has been placed on me. All my details haven't been hammered out yet, but I expect a lot of progress because small progress is not an option. Everyone sits and talks about what they should do, or what they could do, and I want to talk about what I've done. I told myself I wanted to write a book and I wrote one And it sold well. And I've paid back some college loans, and I've bought me something to reward myself and I'm working on the second book. My New Year's resolution is to breathe, then believe. That's all I can do. Something heavy comes my way, I just have to take it head on, breathe about it, then believe that it will get better, or something good will come from it. Also, this year, you won't hear me say "I don't have any money." See, that reality will manifest itself, and I don't need that. My thing is, either I do and don't want to give it to you, or I don't, and I'll say I'm working on it. But never will I say, "I don't have . . ." It's, "I'm going to get it" or "I'm working on it." In 2008 I wanted God to make me a better person, in 2009 I will be that better person. No more excuses for me because I've more than enough chances and more than enough opportunities to do things right, where now, I just will. Don't wish me luck, just keep me positive.
The number 8 (2008) represented new beginnings, and the number 9 (2009) symbolizes completions. I began again in 2008 and this year I will complete what I have started. I have big things planned for myself and others this year. Changes for the better because the worse doesn't exist to me. I hope you all can take something I've said and hold on to it. This is a different tone than you're used to from me, but I feel like something needed to be said. Everyone stay blessed, and continue to not be failures!
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