Compromise

How often have you had to give up what you really want to do in favor of what's best for you and others? For that matter, how often have you had to give up something you want in favor of something you need? I think the answers to these questions ought to be examined way more before making important life decisions. Perhaps it's not always an issue for those who are considered spoiled and those who are considered pushovers, but the in between population who have yet to realize that the action is actually taking place whether they know it or not. I say that for two reasons: one is because if you don't realize how much of yourself you're compromising, it becomes easier and easier for people to walk all over you and have their way with your life. On the other hand, if you don't compromise enough, you become like a wall, unmoving and stubborn. Inconsiderate, lack of understanding, and a general negative disposition may also become symptoms of an unwillingness to compromise. The reason I bring this up is because decisions I make have a larger affect of people now that I've spread myself out more. By that, I mean, I've established relationships with people, and expanded those I've held my whole life. My role in my own life is bigger than it once was, as well as my role in the lives of others. So, I'm realizing that everything I do affects everyone. Whether to do something, or to avoid something, with malicious intent or not; no matter what it is, it affects someone. And, as has been said billions of times before, you can't make everyone happy. Deeper than that, my question is why exactly am I always in compromising positions? When exactly did my decisions affect so many people in so many different ways? And to those who feel that I am uncompromising, at what point did it stop being about compromise, and solely focus on your desires alone? Would you feel better if these thin lines (or gray area, depending upon how you look at it) should be more distinct? Would that make things better? Let us continue . . .


I often wonder how men and women with families do it. It must take great patience to deal with the wants and need of their spouses and that of their children. Not to mention a social life; friends, colleagues, etc. The ability to satisfy the attention of all those who require it must be a very trying task. It must be like wisdom, and is only acquire through experience, knowledge, and patience. Perhaps I'll be there one day. My biggest issue now would have to be the patience. The delay of gratification must still be growing within me, because it does become difficult at times. The lack of patience can be a very disabling personality trait, because it can lead to even more serious affects. The gateway trait; a patience deficiency can cloud judgment, cause anger, sadness, depression, with the potential to break up homes, end relationships and alienate those who suffer from it. Now, it's connection to compromise may not be as clear as day, but now that I've thought about it, patience is a huge part of compromise. See, it goes back to the delay of gratification. As humans, we don't want to wait for anything, nor do we want to settle for things. Now, compromise doesn't have to include waiting or settling, though the fear of it may turn us all off from jumpstreet. Often times, I see compromise, and attempt to avoid it because worrying about compromise takes too much attention away from what I want. It does, but often when you think about the situation, the compromise may actually held better results.


For those who have been referred to as spoiled, I personally think you are only half right. For those who have been victimized and labeled as pushovers, you too, are only half right. Let me start with those referred to as spoiled because being the youngest, I'm always considered spoiled. In all honesty, some times it's always about getting our way, is it? We have wants and needs which deserve to be met. A basic, low-level, right which each of us have to do what's best for our own benefit and also express our individuality. Basically, if you do or don't like doing something, you have the right to do (if legal) or not do so (if also legal). We all have desires, wants, etc. and expecting not to have them would be unnatural. It is perfect to thrive for something because it prevents life from becoming stale an uneventful. It adds speed to you drive and directs your determination. So, with that said, compromising yourself too much becomes a problem. None of us were put here to play second fiddle to anyone else. If I can put my hands together, humble myself to the One who has all my best interest at hand, then so, too, can you.


I say all that (hopefully in an easy to comprehend way) to say this: there is a need to compromise, but not if you must compromise who you are (go figure). It is confusing, there is a complexity present that requires a certain amount of common sense. You live your life in constant interaction with other people. Nature tells us to go for what we want, do what we must to get it, and do what we must to maintain that freedom. However, there are millions of other people with that same innate, natural ability. What keeps us all from killing one another are decent ways of compromise. Accepting that we must tone ourselves down in respect for others and their freedom; realizing that when it comes to those we love, not much thought even goes into the fact that what we want takes a backseat to whatever it is they need; coming to understand that if you were truly allowed to have everything you wanted, someone, somewhere would have to go without something.


It's all just a thought. I've recently been in a situation where what I do, or don't want to do has unwelcome affects on others. It bothers me that my actions are beginning to mean more than just the thoughts I have in my head. If I am a prideful person, why does me rejecting an offer from someone else hurt them so much? Now, of course, that decision would require that person being happy with me accepting their offer, however, being the person I am, it is more difficult for me to simply oblige them. I don't want to do wrong to people, but also don't want to do wrong to myself. The compromise comes with making myself and others satisfied with my decisions. The conflict arises in figuring out where who I am ends and where making them happy begins. And just think about, it only gets more complex from here. I don't have a family of my own, no children to consider, which puts an urgency on figuring out this catch-22.


Until next time people, in 2010, I want you all to know that weeping may endure for a night, but it'll be all over in the morning. Ain't no need to worry . . .

Any Day Now

Good evening, everyone! I just wanted to touch base with you all in these last few minutes of the year 2009 and just reflect a little on where we all came from. If you've been reading, you understand the struggles I've been through, and I'm sure we've all gone through our share of struggles. From some people I've talked to, this hasn't been a particularly favorable year. If you've watched the news at any point, you probably know that pop culture has taken major hits. Several people have passed on to be with the Lord, the economy has been fluctuating, unemployment has increased, just to name a few issues. What I want to do is just leave all of that where it is. Pretty soon, it'll all just be in the past. We'll look back at 2009 and just think about where we've come from. I remember the last "bad" year I had was 2007, so if you're having one of those years I truly pray that things get better for you and yours. It is difficult out here, but I believe the struggle is just the devil (or too much negativity, depending on what you believe) attempting to keep you from the blessings in store for you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not making light of this year's impact, but I feel confident that 2010 must have something great in store for each of us who have faith. I know I haven't talked much this year like I promised, but I've learned a lot. I'm determined to practice and work on my craft, write to deliver the message that has been placed on my mind, write for me. In 2010, I want to give a lot back to those who have given so much to me, but at the same time I want to give myself the attention I need to fulfill those obligations. I don't want to make a resolution for this year. It's like when you say "I love you" too much, it takes away its power and its meaning. We've made resolutions every year and I can't remember one I've completely held strong to throughout the entire year. So, I just want envision better for myself. When I think about, I want to envision myself as a better person, a smarter person, a stronger person, and a wealthier person. I don't necessarily want to get rich quick (not saying I'm opposed to it), but I want to gradually grow wealth. I encourage everyone to envision themselves better and envision the things they yearn for the most. It'll be a beautiful thing to see the great improvements this year holds for those who believe. I await your update. So, again, I want to thank all the reader for their continued support. I can't tell you just how much the little effort of even reading my work means to me. I wish you all the best. You keep supporting and keep reading and I'll try to keep giving you reasons to support and read. You invest in me and I'll do my best to give you the highest dividends. Bless you and yours, Happy New Year everyone!

If you weren't a failure in 2009, I believe on the Lord right now that you'll be even greater in the upcoming year.

Breathe, Believe.

In Jesus' Name

I'm not a religious fanatic, and I don't believe I can save the entire world alone. I honestly don't believe, or intend, to save anyone. I just don't believe I have the power. But, as I finally found time to pray, I felt like maybe I should share it with others. It's personal, but still, maybe it could help someone. I started with a specific purpose, then went into a rant with a sincerity I haven't had in a while. I guess you can say I was writing out loud. Either way, I hope it finds you well.


Dear Lord,

With so much of my time spent not praying, it’s a blessing knowing that someone else picks up my slack and keeps me protected in your name. I know full well that things wouldn’t be nearly as good as they are without, yet I still understand that things can only continue to get better with you. As you know, it’s very hard to find time to myself sometimes with such a hectic schedule, and I also understand that its difficult for me to say that knowing how much harder some people have it. But I believe we all fight our own battles for a reason. Perhaps this test and these trials work on me in the same way someone with an even more hectic schedule works on them. Our thresholds are not the same. So in your eyes, as I like to believe, you are there to help wherever you are needed. Through my struggles, through anyone else’s struggles, you are there despite what things may look like from the outside. That’s my long, drawn-out way of saying thank you for being there for me even when things were only bad because I made them that way. I honestly would like to say prayer for all those who have it worse, in my opinion, than I do. Those with multiple exams on today, those who have full time jobs while remaining full time students, those with children to raise, and those with family troubles. I pray for them all right now. I ask that you be their strength in their times of need and you continue to guide their lives in right ways. I pray for those who have not yet come to the understanding of just how powerful you are, Lord. It took me some time, and I’m still learning just how very, very valuable prayer to you is. I don’t find any problem humbling myself before someone who has my soul interest in mind at all times. You do nothing but provide me with opportunities and blessings that make me better than I was on the days before. I can’t do anything else but love you for that, Lord. For everything that makes me happy here on Earth, I thank you for as well because without you, it too would not be possible. From family, to friends, to good music, to videogames, to cars, to clothes, to those moments where I can just lay down comfortably and rest, I thank you.

I really want to keep my mother in special prayer Lord. I don’t know how she handles some of these things she’s been given in this world, but everyday she wakes ready to handle it all again. I truly wish there was something I could do to ease all her pain and lift her spirits. If I can’t do anything else, I’ll just pray. In my most sincere bid for your help Lord, I pray that you heal my mother. Heal her of whatever may ill her, bless her with the things in life that always seem to evade her. If it is a financial blessing she needs Lord, I ask that you provide that for her. If she needs a new place of residence Lord, I ask that you provide her a way to attain that Lord. If she is need of a new vehicle Lord, I ask that you provide her with that Lord. I ask that you make your presence known in her life right now Lord, so that she may again enjoy life to the fullest. I ask that you remove the weapon formed against her. I ask that you bless her with all things that she needs and wants. I ask that you bless her in a way that neither she nor I could ever understand. I pray that you bring peace into her life and stability to her moods Lord. I believe a blessing for her would be a great blessing for me. I thank you in advance for all the wonderful ways you will enhance her life, right now.

I pray that you make yourself known completely in my life also Lord. I am nothing without you, and there is no direction but the one you point me in Lord. I ask that you bless me in any way you see fit right now Lord. I ask that you give me the understanding of what I can, and what I can’t come to you for Lord. I ask that you enhance my spirit with your essence Lord, and use me where you see fit to enhance the lives of others. Lord, I ask that you take all my situations and change them to however you see fit. I know I could ask you for a lot of things that I may simply want, but I ask that you always meet me at my needs first, and only where you see fit. Even I don’t know what I want as well as you do Lord, but I ask that you listen to the sound of my soul screaming out for you and ease my pain. I pray that you also stabilize my mood and bring peace into my life. I pray that what is broken is presented with a way for it to be fixed. I pray that what is not there that is needed, makes its way into my life. I pray that doors that were once closed, be opened right now in the name of Jesus. I thank you right now for all that you’ve done and what you have yet to do Lord.

Again, I want to pray for those at this university who deal with a greater stress than I do Lord. I couldn’t imagine how they cope with it all, as I barely do a good job of my trials. But, I haven’t given up, and that can only be because of your grace. I pray that these classes act only as speed bumps, and not road blocks on our way to our dreams Lord. I ask that material not known, be known so that our success here at this school continues. I pray for better methods of studying on all of our behalves Lord. I pray for better time management on our part so that we can give adequate attention to areas we need to know. I pray for time to rest, and allow the information to bleed into our long-term memory, to gain a greater understanding of our subjects. I pray that anyone who is putting forth a great effort here be rewarded with his or her heart’s greatest desire. I pray that those who don’t turn to you enough will begin to realize the error in their ways. I pray for the opportunities to talk with you in a greater fashion. I pray for those who point the finger at others in the midst of religious conversations. I pray that each of us realize the best answer by which to live our lives by. I pray for those who feel that others don’t have the right answer, as they judge us for our beliefs. I pray that those of us with our own beliefs no longer retaliate or condemn those who are religious or those who’ve come to call religion their answer for the wrong reasons. I pray for the state of the country in which I live. I pray for the man who leads this country into the future with his voice of change and his hope for a better tomorrow. I pray the safety of those who protect all of which we believe in. I pray that at the end of the world, I’m on the right side of the fence when it comes to who is saved, and who isn’t. I pray my family and few close friends remain safe through the night. I pray they remain safe through the day, and that no form of evil ever comes against any of them. I pray this prayer brings forth the change in which it was intended. I pray this prayer in Jesus’ name, Amen.

So, as I said, I don't believe I can save anyone, but I would like to help wherever I can. This is a personal conversation I had with the Lord, and I've come to Him in my own way. I believe that my writing is from the Lord, so why not give that back to Him. That is our relationship. I give Him what He gives me, but on a much smaller scale. That is only because I'm human, so I must humble myself with that knowledge. I, indeed, hope you enjoyed what I've had to say here. Please excuse any grammatical errors or anything of the sort as I don't reread or edit my prayers. I mean really, would that even make sense? I don't believe so. I believe the way it was written was the way it was supposed to be written. Everyone, be blessed. The blog is not the dead, the dream has not ceased, and the race is not over. So don't be a failure, keep running, and keep praying.

I'll See You in Hell . . .

Okay, not YOU directly, but these are the sentiments I hold for the "university" I attend. Many of you know the trials I've been through and the complete disdain I have for the establishment. I guess some things die hard. Because as of yet have I had an experience that makes it all worthwhile. Sure, you may say graduation and the Spartan seal on my diploma will open certain doors for me in the future . . . ha! This seal will definitely mean more to on-lookers than it ever will to me. This school has tried everything it's capable of to show me that I'm not wanted here. Either my grades haven't been high enough, my money hasn't been high enough, or on days where the office is bored they just choose to make things increasingly uncomfortable for me. I know the game, learned it pretty well, but can't do anything to adjust to it. I've paid them thousands of dollars that I don't even have, and they will probably have me in a pinch for the rest of my life. Forget that! My main goal is to pay back what I owe so I can never have any ties to this school ever again. The only reason I buy pop from the vending machine is because I'm too lazy to walk off-campus at 2am. I mean, honestly, there has been no great improvement for me from high school to college. I even got picked on in elementary and middle school and enjoyed my times more. These have to be some of the most incompetent people to ever run anything (well, in light of the recent economic crisis, I can't say that whole-heartedly). I've honestly had conversations with people who blatantly forgot what they had told me moments ago. I had to prove to a lady today that SHE told me my room assignments and such were all set. I just forwarded her the e-mail she sent me back to her. I would have paid to see the stupid look on her stupid face. My fight with administration at this school has been nothing but miraculous that it hasn't gotten violent. Either they were going to do something to me, or I was going to do something to them. They don't like me, and I don't like them. I hope they know that, because it is well known on my end. People have the nerve to criticize me for not having school spirit . . . ha(again)! This school doens't have school spirit, at least not in the sense I'm referring to. Why should I support any organization that has put me through this much turmoil? This is the precise reason I wouldn't join a fraternity. I feel like I've gotten "jumped-in" to be a part of this school and now I want nothing more than to be apart from this school. I used to be conflicted on how I should look at the "school spirit" question; if I should be proud for being a part of the institution, or if I should feel proud of being a part of the citizenship which makes up this school. I've come to the conclusion that neither is great, nor has either been great to me. These people aren't anything special. The fake individuals from high school became the fake individuals of college. The same parties I didn't want to go to because of the people in high school are the same parties I don't want to go to because of the people in college. The gangfights back then are fraternity beefs now. The girls who didn't notice me then, only notice me now if I want them too. Sure, I've met a handful of good people here that I can call a friend, but a handful out of 44,000 people is nothing to feel good about. The professors aren't here for me, the students aren't willing to help me, my neighbors annoy me, the food sickens me, the administration is obviously against me, and the money I pay to go here is not worth the services I'm receiving here. If for any reason I don't make it into Heaven, it will be because of what has gone in my years at this school. I said the other day when our football team beat the University of Michigan that I was attempted to buy a MSU hoodie . . . I may still buy it, but if you see me with it on then you'll see me in hell on the coldest of days.

A Golden Prayer

Dear Lord,
Thank you for 21 years on this Earth. Thank you for the people I’ve come to know and love as my family. Thank you for all the great times, all the memories, the safety, security, and blessings you’ve bestowed upon me over my entire lifetime. Thank you for seeing safe passage for me through this world even before I set foot in it. I’ve celebrated my birthday as of this weekend and on today I want to do nothing else but thank you for all you’ve done for me. Thank you for the strength to make it through situations I saw no way out of. Thank you for the endurance to handle all of life’s toughest moments. Thank you for tears shed and unshed, for the happiness seen and the sadness overcome. Thank you for the ability to think things through and the intelligence to understand that doing the same things will not get you different results. Thank you for health, understanding and deliverance. Thank you for my pain threshold; allowing me to make statements for the people I love that will forever be an expression of your influence. Thank you for the good and the bad examples. Thank you for the courage to realize who to go to for help, and when to ask for it. Thank you for providing it and placing those around to provide it. I remember being afraid to grow old, not knowing what could happen tomorrow, or how I’d handle things unforeseen. But I’ve realized that I don’t mind growing old at all as long as the experiences grow greater. This year will be tough, as will each one that follows, but I just pray that you walk with me and guide me toward the ways that offer the least amount of turmoil. Lead me down the path of joyousness and greatness as a smile on my face will inevitable lead to the smiles of many others. I believe right now that life consists of more than what we can sense. But this life and all its imperfections capture just a taste of what is in store for all of us if we just pass the test. So I shall take notes on what you say to me and call for me to do. I pray for the faith of my mother, the strength of my father, the wisdom of my grandmother, the intelligence of my sisters, the character of my brothers, and the spirit of the children; an optimistic outlook on life with the worry or doubt of a society who’s only goal is to hold them back. I encompass each of these attributes and more because you have blessed me with the attitude to strive for it. And for that, though not enough, I thank you. The first moments of being an adult will forever be close to me as I started them off with those I love, whether they were there in person or not. And as of the golden day, 21 on the 21st, I have started my new path in a conversation with you. Lord, these and all other blessings I ask in your son Jesus’ name, Amen.

Psychology Major

Hello All. I'm coming to you tonight/this morning, at work, looking out the window on my study break. Indeed, I am a psychology major, in the hopes of becoming a psychologists, or some type of equivalent therapist in an effort to help people release the burden of their minds. I remember very early on, when we were all in high school discussing what we wanted to major in, psychology was the last one I stuck with. Prior to this one, I wanted to be an OB-GYN, which would require me to major in whatever field covers that. I thought about it, felt like I'd get overwhelmed by vagina and the such, and had an interest in advertising. The advertising never really panned out the way it should, because I didn't give it much thought. I would assume that I said that only because of my growing interest in how comical (and stupid)commercials had become at that time. Between advertising and journalism, I developed an interest in psychology. I don't know my exact reasoning for choosing psychology; I feel it may have had something to do with a movie I was watching and enjoyed the atmosphere the job provided (not sick people, but the office, the couch, and the respect). Very early on, I would always hear the joke about how psychology majors are, themselves, crazy. I never actually denied the truth that that statement held, I just wouldn't use the word "crazy" (prominently because in my high school psychology class, we weren't allowed to). I will definitely agree with the fact that, at least in my case, there are some underlying reasons for studying psychology. I mean, think about it, I'm in college to study the study of the way people think, feel and act (pretty much). For those that know me, you know right away that I am the first to tell you that I'm not even a people-person. I've lost out on job opportunities for making that fact clear. But my general interest in psychology, even before helping my family, friends, and others in need, is to really help myself. I feel like I've been in a transitional period since the age of 15 or 16; just trying to find answers to different questions I have and come up with some sort of answer to who I truly am. I guess to say that, would be for me to also say that I wanted to find out what was wrong with me. I don't necessarily have a specific reason why I don't like people, or why I'm angry all the time, or why I choose to keep to myself more often than not, but that's just how I am. I've grown to believe these things as normal . . . until I'm in an atmosphere such as school where everyone seems to have the best times as long as everyone else is present. I've grown to respect people who accept themselves for who they are, and refuse to change just because it's recommended, but I've also grown to respect people who recognize that they have a problem and feel it's time to somehow correct it. I'm somewhere in between.


So with my underlying need to figure out who Jeron is (mostly, I'll never completely understand all the dimensions of myself, nor anyone else for that matter), I also wanted to primarily help my family. One of the major things I learned when I went to therapy was that I needed to feel comfortable with whoever I talked with. I couldn't just open myself up the way I did unless I felt the person listening genuinely had an interest in helping me feel better. Luckily for me, I had someone like that. She was caring, and really wanted to know how I felt, no matter how I felt. She made me feel like she was on my side, and gave words of encouragement to go by. She didn't recommend large quantities of medicine, she didn't make me feel small, or trivialize my problems. Actually, she didn't make it feel like therapy at all. That had to be the most comfortable chair I've sat in since actually. So, overall, it was a good experience for me. I'm actually thinking about going back, for among other reasons, I feel I learned more about my career from our short interactions than I will in reading any of these textbooks. My drive to be a therapist now is based on a story my mom told me about her experience with psychologists, and hospitals and what-not. She told me how every time she'd go, the person she'd talked to previously was no longer there. So she'd have to start over each time with someone different, and really never getting to the root of her problems. That really hurt me, one because it's my mother, and two, because as someone who wishes to be a member of the profession, I was ashamed at the lack of care and attention that was paid to her. I don't think people should be treated as a "job", or a "case", or an "appointment" or anything like that. With the stigma placed on people by society to even reach-out to receive help, it takes a certain amount of strength to even admit that there's a problem. So, to get over that initial hump of admitting help was needed, then going to people who didn't look at the situation as more than her name next on the sign-in sheet, I was ashamed. So now I'm determined to right the wrongs of that particular hospital, or institution. It's up to me to make sure that my patients feel comfortable enough with me to allow me to attempt to help them. It's important to me to make sure that once people leave my office they understand that they weren't just additions to my paycheck, but that their health and safety was my main concern. It's vital to me to do right by these people because I've been at points where I had no help, or I was too embarrassed to asked for it, and now I think about where I'd be if I didn't receive any. It's very ironic also, because in my quest to help these people, I'm also given the chance to learn more about myself each day, which is why I major in psychology in the first place.


Until next time people, don't be a failure, ask for help. I got you!

A Hero Complex

So, let me set the scene for you:
It's raining, yet the heat inside this confined space at work is driving me crazy. There is no type of circulation here, it's my first day back, and it seems as though all the procedures have changed. I sit here, alone, with these people's lives in my hand and not really sure what to do at the moment. If another bug flies pass me, I'm either going to kill it, or break something trying. All and all, I would say I'm proud to here. As tired as I am, I finally feel like I'm doing something with the opportunity given to me. The reason for the good feeling in the midst of all this dreary dull-ness going on, is because of an attribute that has really taken it's toll on me lately. I think about my life, but I also think about others' lives in relation to mine. For everyone who has helped me, for everyone who has sacrificed something for me to get where I am, I owe you. I owe you more than you probably realize because I take it upon myself to make sure that if you invest in me, you will marvel at your return. I think about that at least once everyday. I feel it is my duty to put to use the time and effort that my family and friends have put in to me, and multiply it. I mean, could you imagine how selfish someone would be if they never gave anything back to those that believed in them? Not only backing them financially, but spiritually and prayerfully. I let too many people down if I don't succeed. If I don't deliver on my promises I couldn't bare to see the looks on the faces of my loved ones. And for that reason, I sit here; hot, bothered, and tired. I go to class in the mornings even though it's hard for me to sleep at night. I work this job even though it's hard enough to pay attention to my studies. But I don't want anyone to think that I am complaining. I strongly believe that to whom much is given, much is tested. I've gone through a lot of things in my life, despite my young age, but I feel that it's all for my good. Every time I talk to my family and we're going through something, someone reminds us that all this means is that something better is on the way. They say it in church, it has to be true, right?


With that said, I've taken on a new attitude. I look at things differently than I once did. I realize now that this degree isn't for me, it's for me to provide a service for those in need. Writing this book isn't for my benefit, it's for your enjoyment, and possibly your help. My reward will come, but in the meantime, I'm ever getting prepared for it. What that means is, if I suddenly came into riches tomorrow, I may not necessarily know what to do with all of it. But if I see the bottom, if I get a little hungry, if I feel bad for a few people, if have to cry, if I have to see a few other people cry, then get that money next week, now I know what is possible. So, even when I go to the store, I look around for things that I think other people would like, or that other people deserved. I've said all summer that if I didn't get a job, I wouldn't be mad, but if my nephew got one, then I'd be happy. And he did, so I was fine. I needed a job, but blessfully (my new word) I had a support system that was able to help me when I couldn't help myself. And I hope that I have let them know just how much I appreciate it.


The problem with all of that,if any, is the pressure of it all. The mounting pressure of not feeling like I've done all that I'm supposed to do. Not being where I am supposed to be. I'm reminded just how young I am, and my position in life, but I feel like I should be further along. Picture being in a traffic jam, you know where you want to go, you may even know how to get there, but there is a car ahead of you, one on the side, and no way to pass. You just have to go with the flow, no matter how slow it is. That's how I feel. I'm impatient, been that way all my life, and I drive fast. I feel like I need to get where I have to go because time is precious, whether you understand the concept of it or not. I don't want to see my mom go to work because she HAS to for hours on end. I don't want my dad on a fixed income where he has to sacrifice and unable to fully enjoy the fruits of his labor. I don't want my sisters working for the rest of their lives, I want my nieces and nephews to pursue their education without worrying about how to pay for it. I want to start a family, and I don't want them missing out on smiles or laughs because they're worried about the lights being cut off. I want food on the table, I want houses with more than enough room, I want vehicles taken care of, and healthcare to make our lives as long and prosperous as possible. Now, I'm not saying I can guarantee all of that, and I'm not saying I didn't have all of that, but what I'm saying is that if there is a way for me to make that happen, then I want to do it. That is what keeps me up at night, that is what keeps me here, that is what keeps me from quitting, and that is what inspires me to do better. I only pray that understanding is involved, and God is with me every step of the way.

Until next time my people, don't be a failure . . . I won't let you if I can prevent it.