Me Against the World

So, I've painted myself into a corner it would seem. I don't mind, I've been here before. I've been down before, and always seem to come out better than I go in. But, no matter how often things like this happen, I never get used to it. I actually think if I do become accustomed to it, the pressure will only elevate; putting me in a situation I may not be able to handle. Despite that, the people around me don't seem to be going with me like they should. I mean, I never had a clique, or a group of friends or family that go 100% for me like I would for them, so that doesn't bother me. But the simple act of getting along with these individuals has become an issue; so that's where my voice must be heard. Whether they hear it, or no one does, at least I can say it was said. I mean, true friends care about the well-being of others right? So if anyone wanted to know what's going on with Jeron, then they should go look to who Jeron talks to; his readers. See, I don't think you understand how appreciative I am to say "my readers". That touches my heart so much, because whether you agree with me or disagree with me, you care what I have to say. There's an unspoken respect that goes along with letting someone know that you enjoyed what they had to say. So, I thank you for that. That's a bright spot for my ordinarily dark dwelling.

So, before you think I'm in some dark place in life, where we dress in all black, I wear jewelry in places that makes no sense, and cut myself because I think blood is cool, I'm not. What I'm saying is that there are not a lot of reasons to smile for me. And that's not anything new, it's just something that I've learned to deal with over time. Still learning, as a matter of fact. So when patterns begin to form, I can pretty much tell where they're going. Like now, I feel that eventually, I will end up with people who for some reason or another, will no longer consider me a "friend". That's okay. I mean, I never had that many, and the only true ones I can count on one hand. I say that so much, that it may be taken as a cliche', but it's so true. I prefer to be by myself anyway. Not necessarily sitting in my room alone all the time, but that companionship that people have with one another, I don't mind not having. See, I'm a middle child. I mean, I'm the baby, but shortly after I was born, my nephew was born. So I bridge the gap between those two generations. My cousins all grew up elsewhere. I was on one side of town, and they all were on another. With that being said, I've never been in the position where I had that "bestfriend" or constant companionship where I never felt alone. That never occurred for me, so it's not like I can miss something I've never had. Understand?

As I look around, I wonder where the humility went? You can't give people compliments, reach out to them, talk with them, without them giving you some attitude like it's a favor for you to talk with them. Do they not realize who I am?! I've been being humble, swallowing my pride a lot because I do not want to be the person who's bigger than he really is. I don't allow my ego to get so far out of control that I can no longer control myself. But, I feel that my silence on that front has been mistaken for something else. Perhaps a feel of Jeron has "accepted" his "status", or he's gone soft, so what he says and who he is no longer matters. He's going to be whoever we want him to be, even when we don't want him to be (think about that). That's not the case. I am Jeron M. Burbridge, born and raised by southern parents in Detroit, MI with 8 (one deceased) other siblings. I am all that God allows me to be and everyday I plan on honoring Him by being myself no matter what. In my belief, and my faith, I understand that there are better things for me, even if I may be the best. I can only go higher because of who I was and where I could have been is evidence. In philosophy, there is an argument which says that because the Sun rose yesterday, does not mean it'll rise tomorrow. And that's true. But, my faith wills me to believe that not only will I wake up tomorrow, something will happen that causes me to grow as a better person. So I think that the central problem is that if you are not willing to accept Jeron as who he is, then you are the one that is expendable, not him. You may take your leave.

In my mind, I feel like no one is there for me. Not speaking about family, they're there regardless. But I feel that my trust cannot spread amongst those who only consider themselves friends, while not actually showing that. My associates may talk behind my back, say whatever they need to say. Those close to me may not understand me at all, and that's fine with me. I don't like giving so much of myself to someone where I no longer know who I am. I've done that before, and it's an ugly situation when know one can identify the empty shell of a person who no longer has any character. That, my friends, is what failure looks like. Don't be a failure. If worse comes to worse, it is no problem at all for me to walk away from each and every person that knows my name, and live on peacefully.