Why Not Pray? (Question of the Day)

This is a question I ask myself, along with "Why pray at all?" I'm not at all against prayer, it's just that I have a lot of questions for which many don't have answers. I pray from time to time, but I always garner a sense of guilt afterwards. Whether I've prayed for some things I need, some things I can't handle, or for some people who I feel need it more. Either way, I'm always asking for something. I feel like I can only speak with the Lord when I'm in need of something, then I don't deserve that privilege. I know what you're thinking, I'm taking this too far. And you're probably right, but it's just the type of person that I am. If I don't talk with you on a regular basis, then I wouldn't come out of nowhere asking you for favors either. I hate when people who wouldn't take time out of there day to even wave at me, come to me when they need something. That's two-faced. And in my quest to be a better person, I try to put off on behaviors that contradict that.

Now, I'm not saying the Lord isn't a part of my life. I credit Him for everything, and I'm thankful for all that I've been given. But, there are times where I wonder if I should get down on my knees and ask for more, or take what I'm going through as just a part of life, and go on about my business. In my way of thinking, I see that whether I pray or not, my trials will come, and my trials will go. I will have good times, and I will have bad times. Things will ultimately happen in my life that I have no control of either way. I guess, that means I believe in destiny or something. No matter how much I wish that "destiny" was only in my control, I can't help but think about if that were true. Think about living a life where your happiness and progress depended solely on what you do . . . the pressure of that is almost overwhelming. With so much natural negativity available, it would be too easy to ruin your life from a few bad thoughts, and a driving force behind them. So, logically, I wouldn't honestly want to hold my own life in my hands alone. But, on the flip-side, I don't like the fact that trouble comes without me asking for it. You wake up in the morning, after a good night, and now everything is different. Your life isn't the way you left it, and now you welcome this turmoil you did not see coming. That too, is not something I'm particularly excited about.

So I'm sure you're wondering where I'm going with this; what exactly am I trying to say here? And the answer then, is that I honestly don't know. I don't know why to pray or why I shouldn't pray. A lot of people feel more comfortable praying, and others just aren't bothered with it. What makes this more difficult is the people who's opinion you ask about it. And in my quest to get those answers, I have encountered one of a number of different personas. There are those who live their lives without bounds, do whatever they want to do, say whatever they want to say without conviction, but who will completely contradict it all and tell you how wrong you are for not praying. They will talk about how good God is all day, in a seemingly arrogant manner. Almost saying that God looked our for them, "nah-nany-nah-nah!" That really angers me, because you see these people and wouldn't believe some of the things they say and the things they do, yet here they are telling me that I should pray . . . like them. They talk down to me because they "get it" and I don't. That tone that they're taking time to do me a favor and teach me a lesson on what's right and what's wrong. In the end, I'd rather take my chances on my own than to ever be told by seemingly bad people how off I am. Then, there are those who really don't have time for you if you're not all about God. He's all they talk about (don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that). But, they act like they've never gone through anything, and have never made mistakes. Claiming that God kept them away from all that. He only talks to them, and if we don't listen to what they have to say, if we don't follow their lead, then we're hellbound. I wonder how bible scholars can be so judgmental? I mean, doesn't it say right in the bible that only God can judge us? My bible may be somewhat rusty, but I do believe it says that in some form or fashion. But, being the scholars that they are, they can put a spin on their actions, and it's words, to make themselves look all the better. These people, too, look down on me for asking the question, wondering how they became friends with such a demon as myself. I call these people "Super Christians". They are too good to be put in the same category as regular Christians, they're getting to heaven twice as fast as the rest of us (so they think) and they don't have to say "In Jesus' name" to end their prayers, because they can talk directly to God (at least in their minds they can). So, with the Contradicter and the Super Christians, it somewhat seems like I got the same answer, just at different polarities.

Who do you go to? Who's like me, and understands that things have changed since the bible was written, yet still has the faith to believe that God had a plan for me all along? Who else believe that Jesus died for his sins, and feels that religion is sometimes used as another way of discrimination and bigotry? I don't have that answer, but I will keep my beliefs. Giving up on my beliefs would take away from the little security I do have, but would ease my mind of certain worries that continue to linger. Either way, I feel the answer will reveal itself to me when the time is right, as every other time I've needed an answer. So, don't be a failure, why not pray?